So is anyone else NOT close with their sibling(s)?

[UnatcoAgent]

I've always had a rocky relationship with my younger brother, only sibling, who's 22. Tonight we had a big blow up, he's much bigger than me now and thinks he can push me around so we had some pretty harsh words, and almost some fists thrown. This is pretty much going to seal the deal for a while, I don't want anything to do with him until he's grown up and matured, he lives at home, doesn't go to school and works at a grocery store and plays WOW all the time (seperate situation being worked on).

I'm curious if anyone else does not have a good relationship with their siblings, I always hear and see my friend's siblings together and they're all chummy, hang out together and 'love' each other. I've never been like that with him, despite honestly trying quite a bit over the past 2 years with little to no reciprocation. Someone pointed out to me today that it may just be as it will always be, and it never struck me before, there might be no hope of us becoming good friends.

Cliff Notes

- Fight with brother tonight means we won't be talking for a long while
- Never been close with him, I had hopes we would be but I don't see how now
- Anyone else experience a lot of animosity with their siblings?

Needless to say I feel pretty shitty right now.

Edit / Updated

It sounds as though there are a lot of fellow ATOTers with parallel relationships, or lack thereof.

To give some more detail to the situation, I'm sure some of you can relate to this directly:

My younger brother is 22 and has lived at home since graduating high school, without going to post-secondary institutions minus a few community college classes. He is very down and out when it comes to his plans right now, our family has been bugging him for years to get his shit together, and the unfortunate results is that he's become a bit of a recluse, and will not begin to talk about his situation at all with anyone. My mother is the sole parent post dead-beat dad, their separation really screwed him up I think, I was too old.

He works at a grocery store, but is stuck in a very inaccessible part of the city, living at home, and rarely goes out. He has continually disappointed the close family, and I'm sure himself, by making grand plans of going to school or volunteering somewhere, but not delivering on it. He's been very strung out the past few days, the entire situation is very unhealthy and I'm starting to think he has some psychological issues. To make matters worse he is an avid WOW and MUD player, not to the point where it's 9 hours a day every day, but I am certain it is a serious addiction for him, real escapism.

For the past few years we've been ok with each other, I've mentioned a few times I think we should both make the effort to become better friends, and he would casually agree, but the friendly Hi's on msn or facebook would not be returned, and I've kind of given up, which is very disheartening.

I'm at home visiting for 2 weeks, I leave on Sunday. We were both stressed yesterday and ended up arguing about his 'plans' for the coming year, more specifically his unwillingness to talk about it, as he does not understand how adverse an effect his living at home has on my mother / family. We've had one other major blow up a few years ago where I really flipped out on him, and I don't think he's ever let it go, I don't entirely blame him. This was very similar, I lost my cool when I should have been the adult, and we ended up face to face. He was very willing to hurt me physically, and although he didn't, minus the jeers, it's showing his state of mind is very messed up. There were 2 altercations and ended up with neither of us talking.

The unfortunate thing is that this places an incredible amount of stress on my mother, as I'm sure those with siblings living at home know how it can, coupled with my inability to keep cool and his issues, she's really getting hit from it. I've spoken with her about it at length, and decided the best thing to do is to cut off communication with him, and take some time apart. He voiced the same thing to her independent from me, so that is that.

At this point I'm contemplating what to do, I don't want to leave without saying anything, I also need to be able to come back home without fearing the repercussions of this, even if we simply avoid each other.

I'm trying to work up the nerve to simply say "I'm sorry, I'm taking some distance from you, I'll be there if you really need it" but it is not easy. I strongly believe that if I do not initiate this now, it will be much harder later, otherwise that will be it for the rest of our lives, I know he won't make that effort, not that I think he should, it's my role despite both of us being adults now.

It's comforting to know there are many of you out there now with similar circumstances.

 

[between]

 

[UnatcoAgent]

Originally posted by: between
I haven't spoken with my brother in a decade. I always thought he was an asshole, even when I was very young. Think about this: if you weren't biologically related to your brother, is he the kind of person you would actually want to hang out with?

He's a nice guy when he's being open and friendly, I think I would actually. But I see your point, I think the proximity is what has done our relationship in, normally we're 'ok' if I'm not in the same house as him, but after 2 weeks something explodes.

He just never expressed much interest in being friends with me, aside from the conflicts we have, which hurts and depresses me to think it will always be like that if not even worse.

 

[WaTaGuMp]

I could care less about my brother, hes adopted so its not like we have anything in common. There isnt any hate or anything like that but I just have zero feelings for the guy.

 

[between]

 

[rh71]

My brother and I had a physical fight about some casette tapes that were given to us free... it was extremely stupid to fight over it but we were kids at the time. We just let the silence go on for years and it just doesn't feel right to be all brotherly anymore. It's sad. I talk to him as if he were a distant friend these days... we've let the past go but it will never be the same.

My advice is not to let the silence go too long.

 

[Aquaman]

I've got 5 sisters....... and everyone gets along with each other except for 1 sister. She had a stroke at a young age...... and now she blames everyone and anything for it. We already did not have such a good relationship before her stroke....... but after her stroke......... it got worse.

Now we rarely talk and the only time she talks to me...... she needs help with something.

I don't mind that she does not want to associate with me ........ but she has put my parents in the middle of all this. My parents are getting tired of it and I don't know what to do about it.

I've tried to be more communicative with her but I always get the brushoff. I always say...... let the past be the past....... but some people can't forget or forgive.

Cheers,
Aquaman

 

[esun]

When I was younger I didn't get along with my sister at all (even through high school). However, now that we're both basically adults (she's 25, I'm 21), we get along much better. Then again, we only see each other a once or twice a year, so maybe that helps.

 

[Baked]

When we were younger, my big bro and I fight all the time. I once threatened to cut him up w/ a chef knife. Then he moved down to SoCal for college and stayed there. We're cool now, I go down there about once a year.

 

[Kyle]

I am not close with either my brother or my sister...seems like all my friends think I'm really missing out and it's so weird we're not close.....honestly, they are so different than me. We're "friendly", but not close at all

 

[EvilYoda]

Ouch, sorry to hear that...my sister's 4 years younger than I am (I'm 26) and we are very very different people but we've always had a great relationship. It's obviously diminished in the last few years since we don't see each other constantly, but she's always going to be my sister so I want to make our relationship work. It's just becoming more and more apparent how different we are, in terms of lifestyle choices, various personality aspects...but at the same time, we'll be together and laugh at everything, do stupid things just like we always did...it's weird.

Good luck with yours, he sounds like a real winner.

 

[darkswordsman17]

I'm not real close to my siblings. My one sister that I grew up with I'm not real close to (she was was more wild and hung out with shady people and now she's married and has 3 kids). The next oldest I have only met once in my life (she was adopted, and hasn't really had contact with the family). Then my brother actually grew up with my great grandparents (and then joined the army and is currently over in Iraq). Then my oldest sister is actually probably the one I'm closest to, mostly because we're probably the most similar, although I'm not super close to her either. Yeah, my family is fucked up to say the least. I care about them, and mostly get along well with them but we're all kinda different so we've never really completely synced I guess you'd say.

My old roommate is really close with his family, and they're all quite a bit alike (although they do have their differences). Just this last May, the youngest brother actually got sick and died, and I know they all took it hard. When I think of what a normal family is, they are the first thing that comes to mind, and so I felt really bad for what happened. My current roommate is actually really close with his family as well, but I think he has like 15 siblings and there's like a 30 year age gap between the oldest and youngest (he has a niece that is I think a year younger than him).

 

[Allanv]

I have not spoken with anyone from my family in 15 years.

mother
father
brothers
aunts
uncles you name them and i haven't seen or spoken with them.

You cant choose your family but you can certainly disown them.

 

[SlickSnake]

OMG I would really like to respond to this post. I could knock your socks off with a bizarre story if I did, but the anal judgment trolls run rampant around here and ruin the atmosphere for the majority of us, and I would never hear the end of it from those EMO douches if I posted.

But if it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be, and you can't beat yourself up over it. The best thing is to let it go emotionally as much as possible and hope one day they might mature enough to decide to pull their head out of their ass and try to mend the relationship with you.

 

[SlickSnake]

Originally posted by: Baked
When we were younger, my big bro and I fight all the time. I once threatened to cut him up w/ a chef knife. Then he moved down to SoCal for college and stayed there. We're cool now, I go down there about once a year.

Do you carry your chef knife when you visit?

 

[SlickSnake]

Originally posted by: Allanv
I have not spoken with anyone from my family in 15 years.

mother
father
brothers
aunts
uncles you name them and i haven't seen or spoken with them.

You cant choose your family but you can certainly disown them.

This is unfortunately all too true.

And a family can also just drift apart and move all over the country like mine mostly did into self centered little orbs of isolation where they detach themselves from the plights of the rest of the family, unless one dies, then they briefly circle like bugs to a light.

 

[Howard]

I've good relations with my immediate family members, thankfully.

 

[AccruedExpenditure]

Originally posted by: Allanv
I have not spoken with anyone from my family in 15 years.

mother
father
brothers
aunts
uncles you name them and i haven't seen or spoken with them.

You cant choose your family but you can certainly disown them.

I understand this happens but this is still a crazy concept to me

 

[dawp]

my sibs are spread out, I'm in KC, 1 brother is near lake of the osarks, one in alaska, one in minn. sis in hometown with parents. don't talk muck because of the spread but when we were growing up, we pretty much got along with an occational fight here and there, but otherwise no issues. kind of like to live closer together but such is life.maybe thats why we still get along.

 

[Born2bwire]

Originally posted by: SlickSnake
OMG I would really like to respond to this post. I could knock your socks off with a bizarre story if I did, but the anal judgment trolls run rampant around here and ruin the atmosphere for the majority of us, and I would never hear the end of it from those EMO douches if I posted.

But if it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be, and you can't beat yourself up over it. The best thing is to let it go emotionally as much as possible and hope one day they might mature enough to decide to pull their head out of their ass and try to mend the relationship with you.

Admit it, it was because you can't appreciate the Godfather.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: Sabot

Originally posted by: between
I haven't spoken with my brother in a decade. I always thought he was an asshole, even when I was very young. Think about this: if you weren't biologically related to your brother, is he the kind of person you would actually want to hang out with?

He's a nice guy when he's being open and friendly, I think I would actually. But I see your point, I think the proximity is what has done our relationship in, normally we're 'ok' if I'm not in the same house as him, but after 2 weeks something explodes.

He just never expressed much interest in being friends with me, aside from the conflicts we have, which hurts and depresses me to think it will always be like that if not even worse.

Did you ever do anything to spur on those conflicts? Unintentionally, perhaps, but maybe there is some event or some on-going history where he feels that you just don't understand, or don't appreciate whatever it is about him that he finds important?

I don't mean the WoW thing; he probably deserves a pounding for eating up his life like that....but younger brothers look up to their older brothers, especially as kids. He probably feels powerless. If you ever want to patch it up, you'd have to initiate.

I think it would suck to not have my brother and his family in my life. (I'm the younger one, btw). We used to fight all the time growing up, and I never understood it. I think he was angry or simply frustrated that he had to figure out most things on his own, trying to fit in, maybe worried about being the "right" example...I don't know. He got more shit from the parents than I ever did, perhaps being the first one. Anyhoo, most of our problems back then probably stem from being in the same space for so long, the underlying competition that young boys seem to need. It wasn't until he left for college that things got much better. A mutual decision, more or less, to not be asses to each other any more, because it makes no sense.

Of course, He was the one that had to initiate it.

 

[RocksteadyDotNet]

Originally posted by: Allanv
I have not spoken with anyone from my family in 15 years.

mother
father
brothers
aunts
uncles you name them and i haven't seen or spoken with them.

You cant choose your family but you can certainly disown them.

Someone got molested.

 

[Allanv]

Originally posted by: SlickSnake

Originally posted by: Allanv
I have not spoken with anyone from my family in 15 years.

mother
father
brothers
aunts
uncles you name them and i haven't seen or spoken with them.

You cant choose your family but you can certainly disown them.

This is unfortunately all too true.

And a family can also just drift apart and move all over the country like mine mostly did into self centered little orbs of isolation where they detach themselves from the plights of the rest of the family, unless one dies, then they briefly circle like bugs to a light.

My father died a few months ago I still didn't go anywhere near them and my immediate family only live 1 mile away.

 

[Allanv]

Originally posted by: RocksteadyDotNet

Originally posted by: Allanv
I have not spoken with anyone from my family in 15 years.

mother
father
brothers
aunts
uncles you name them and i haven't seen or spoken with them.

You cant choose your family but you can certainly disown them.

Someone got molested.

That would make it easier for you to understand though wouldn't it. No just a very bad childhood followed by bad parents loony older brother and me wanting to get on with life.

But they would always butt in, try to make me become a bad person as well.

 

[StinkyPinky]

My older brother used to knock the shit out of me when we were kids. We got on well sometimes...but other times were just downright violent to each other. Now we've matured and we had a really good relationship from about 18-26 (my age). Best friends and we could talk about anything. But he moved to the UK a few years ago and we've drifted apart a lot since then. I've married with a kid now as well...so I just have less time for him. I feel bad, but that's just life. I probably only talk to him once a month, and that's only for 20 minutes over the phone.

Hope he comes back home soon, would love to be best friends again.