So I'm receiving phone calls looking for a total stranger for over a year now...

[Anonemous]

I have had my phone number for 3 years now. And for the past year I've received a lot of phone calls for this one person who I don't even know. I don't use my number much (I just have it for dsl).

So if I'm present when there is a call looking for this person, I kindly explain this person doesn't live here. The callers come from a variety of places, department stores, banks, collection agencies, etc... Usually I just delete the messages from my answering machine when they leave an 'urgent' call. I'm on the do not call list, I even spoke with some of these companies, and I've talked with my phone provider. It works for a few months but then they start calling back again.

So I've decided to leave a nice voicemail explaining to them the situation:

Hi you've reached ME. If you are looking for (stranger X) please hang up. That person does not reside here. I am on the DNC list. If you would like to send me $500 for any unsolicited calls please leave your number. Thank you.

And yet I still get voicemails... I guess they don't understand English. So I'm asking for the help of ATOT's most creative (and dastardly) minds to come up with messages so these people get it.

 

[venk]

Tell them that Person X died.

 

[imported_Mike]

Just the mere fact that you put the person's name they're looking for in your voicemail means they WILL leave the msg.

 

[meltdown75]

fart in the phone

 

[ondarkness]

pretend to be that person.
tell them to send you money

 

[StageLeft]

I get this and the fvcking worst is when they leave a message AFTER I SAY WHO THE HELL LIVES HERE. The best I've come up with is "Well it wasn't michael's number last time you called, and it still isn't". People are SO STUPID.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

someone must have misprinted business cards or something.

 

[Anonemous]

Originally posted by: Skoorb
I get this and the fvcking worst is when they leave a message AFTER I SAY WHO THE HELL LIVES HERE. The best I've come up with is "Well it wasn't michael's number last time you called, and it still isn't". People are SO STUPID.

Yea, I know I guess it's different ppl being assigned to call that number to find person X. I was thinking of maybe putting it in different languages like spanish/french/german just in case they didn't understand that person X doesn't live here...

 

[Anonemous]

Originally posted by: HomeBrewerDude
someone must have misprinted business cards or something.

not when it's an 'urgent' call from a bill collector or something...

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: Anonemous
... if I'm present when there is a call looking for this person, I kindly explain this person doesn't live here.

There's your problem. You're being NICE.

*Ring*

Caller: "Hi, this is Dumb Company X calling for Moron Y."
You: "Listen, Doctor F*ckingstein, Y doesn't live here. He hasn't for three years since I got this number. Put your god damned manager on right the f*ck now so we can resolve this bullsh*t once and for all."

Being an asshole isn't nice, but it gets results.

- M4H

 

[anxi80]

a person who's user name is pronounced 'anonymous' getting calls for a stranger for over a year now... oh the irony.

 

[Anonemous]

Originally posted by: CheapArse
Just the mere fact that you put the person's name they're looking for in your voicemail means they WILL leave the msg.

So what should I do then? Don't tell them that they're wasting my time and theirs when I have to sift through my voicemail for any pertinent messages?

 

[Anonemous]

Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire

Originally posted by: Anonemous
... if I'm present when there is a call looking for this person, I kindly explain this person doesn't live here.

There's your problem. You're being NICE.

*Ring*

Caller: "Hi, this is Dumb Company X calling for Moron Y."
You: "Listen, Doctor F*ckingstein, Y doesn't live here. He hasn't for three years since I got this number. Put your god damned manager on right the f*ck now so we can resolve this bullsh*t once and for all."

Being an asshole isn't nice, but it gets results.

- M4H

I like the cut of your jib. Usually I'm away though. I remember this next time.

 

[imported_Mike]

Originally posted by: Anonemous

Originally posted by: CheapArse
Just the mere fact that you put the person's name they're looking for in your voicemail means they WILL leave the msg.

So what should I do then? Don't tell them that they're wasting my time and theirs when I have to sift through my voicemail for any pertinent messages?

Well, think about it. You tired that and it didn't work...so why would you continue. Since you don't use the phone that much, call your phone company and get a new phone #. It really is that simple

 

[PingSpike]

I get creditor calls all the time for some one who must have had the phone number before us. Jenny Boden or something. No matter how many times I tell them I have no idea who that is they keep calling. I'm gonna tell them she's dead next time...no, I'm gonna tell them I killed her and she's in my freezer in pieces. Maybe that'll freak them out enough to finally stop calling.

Jenny Boden, if you're out there pay for your fvcking bills!

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: Anonemous

Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire

Originally posted by: Anonemous
... if I'm present when there is a call looking for this person, I kindly explain this person doesn't live here.

There's your problem. You're being NICE.

*Ring*

Caller: "Hi, this is Dumb Company X calling for Moron Y."
You: "Listen, Doctor F*ckingstein, Y doesn't live here. He hasn't for three years since I got this number. Put your god damned manager on right the f*ck now so we can resolve this bullsh*t once and for all."

Being an asshole isn't nice, but it gets results.

- M4H

I like the cut of your jib. Usually I'm away though. I remember this next time.

Hey, they're leaving contact numbers. Next time you're drunk and belligerent, give 'em a call.

- M4H

 

[imported_Mike]

Originally posted by: PingSpike
I get creditor calls all the time for some one who must have had the phone number before us. Jenny Boden or something. No matter how many times I tell them I have no idea who that is they keep calling. I'm gonna tell them she's dead next time...no, I'm gonna tell them I killed her and she's in my freezer in pieces. Maybe that'll freak them out enough to finally stop calling.

Jenny Boden, if you're out there pay for your fvcking bills!

lol

 

[Anonemous]

Originally posted by: CheapArse

Originally posted by: Anonemous

Originally posted by: CheapArse
Just the mere fact that you put the person's name they're looking for in your voicemail means they WILL leave the msg.

So what should I do then? Don't tell them that they're wasting my time and theirs when I have to sift through my voicemail for any pertinent messages?

Well, think about it. You tired that and it didn't work...so why would you continue. Since you don't use the phone that much, call your phone company and get a new phone #. It really is that simple

I guess, but then I've had the number for 3 years now and I would have to update a lot of bills/information/loans that are tied to this # which I don't want to.

 

[Schrodinger]

People always wrongly dial our number instead of the large car dealership who has a similar number now. I'm talking 5-10 calls per day.

They ask for "service" and I tell them "sorry, the woman is unavailable at the moment"

They are usually stunned for a few seconds then just hang up.

 

[imported_Mike]

Originally posted by: Anonemous

Originally posted by: CheapArse

Originally posted by: Anonemous

Originally posted by: CheapArse
Just the mere fact that you put the person's name they're looking for in your voicemail means they WILL leave the msg.

So what should I do then? Don't tell them that they're wasting my time and theirs when I have to sift through my voicemail for any pertinent messages?

Well, think about it. You tired that and it didn't work...so why would you continue. Since you don't use the phone that much, call your phone company and get a new phone #. It really is that simple

I guess, but then I've had the number for 3 years now and I would have to update a lot of bills/information/loans that are tied to this # which I don't want to.

That would be a PITA, go with the he/she is dead bit and see what you get, or take M4H's approach.

 

[Anonemous]

Originally posted by: PingSpike
I get creditor calls all the time for some one who must have had the phone number before us. Jenny Boden or something. No matter how many times I tell them I have no idea who that is they keep calling. I'm gonna tell them she's dead next time...no, I'm gonna tell them I killed her and she's in my freezer in pieces. Maybe that'll freak them out enough to finally stop calling.

Jenny Boden, if you're out there pay for your fvcking bills!

seriously. hmmm but I wouldn't want the cops showing up at my door though.

 

[spacelord]

Originally posted by: venk
Tell them that Person X died.

I used to do that too! It can get the caller pretty bent out of shape. Only use it in extreme circumstances, like this one, because it can be really cruel.

 

[Anonemous]

Originally posted by: spacelord

Originally posted by: venk
Tell them that Person X died.

I used to do that too! It can get the caller pretty bent out of shape. Only use it in extreme circumstances, like this one, because it can be really cruel.

Why it would be cruel to say that to a bill collector/employer? Just wondering.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Skoorb
I get this and the fvcking worst is when they leave a message AFTER I SAY WHO THE HELL LIVES HERE. The best I've come up with is "Well it wasn't michael's number last time you called, and it still isn't". People are SO STUPID.

Tell them that you killed Michael 6 months ago and he's being preserved in a bath of formaldehyde.

 

[Anonemous]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: Skoorb
I get this and the fvcking worst is when they leave a message AFTER I SAY WHO THE HELL LIVES HERE. The best I've come up with is "Well it wasn't michael's number last time you called, and it still isn't". People are SO STUPID.

Tell them that you killed Michael 6 months ago and he's being preserved in a bath of formaldehyde.

after freezing right?