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So I had a mental breakdown at work a couple weeks ago

T

Titan

Golden Member
I haven't been lurking or neffing much since I haven't been at work the past 2½ weeks. I never thought something like this would happen to me, but I had some kind of mental breakdown and haven't returned, using up sick time, which I have plenty of.

I'm a software engineer, and I had just been getting sick of the commute and work. It's been a pretty stressful year, I worked. moved back home, started a different job with the same company, and was burning out bad and didn't allow myself to realize it. I became depressed, my work suffered, I became overwhelmed and just couldn't force my brain to read and anyalyze any more code. As my productivity plummeted, I became insular, didn't ask for help, and hoped it would get better. I just wanted to snap out of the funk. That was a gamble, and I gambled wrong.

The last week of work for me was like out of office space. Each day started to feel like the worst day of my life. On day three, I threw up my hands and decided I needed help. I didn't yell or scream or anything. I just felt like I could devote absolutely 0% of my brain to work, down from around 10% for a few weeks. Everyone at work was very helpful, but I all of a sudden became panicked, nervous and intensely afraid because this was such an uncertain thing for me. I am normally a very steady guy and nothing like this has ever happened to me before so I think the experience of coming to terms with it burnt me out. It was something of a panic attack and I was very nervous all day. I went from being a guy who would never think of going into therapy to finding a therapist that day to try and fix myself.

I have been doing better since, but I mentally don't feel the same. I don't have the same ability to focus and concentrate like I used to, and this feeling never goes away. I'm taking a lot of time off since I get lots of paid sick time to address my health for a change. Most of my issues seem to revolve around work so I may make some changes there, but I am taking things slowly. It's scary because no one can say for sure what's wrong with my head, and I dunno if it can be fixed. But I am getting help and am in no real danger, I don't want anyone to be worried, this is not a cry for help.

I just want people to know that burnout from stress is real. Don't hope things get better, make them get better before it's too late; take action. I understand we can get overwhelmed with work sometimes, especially technical jobs that are mentally challenging. But always keep your health in mind. You don't know what might break, even in your head.

I honestly don't know why else I am posting this. Maybe it's kinda theraputic. Anyone else ever "lose it" before?
 
I can understand it, and it doesn't sound crazy. And this is coming from a guy (me) that LOVES his job. I could see getting that way if I just did repetitive sh1t all day. You need to consider a career change. Just my $.02
 
Two and a half weeks is a pretty short time to try to 'fix' yourself. Remember, it took months on the downward slide, it'll take a while to climb back out, too. Take things as they come, and don't worry too much about the future - it has a funny way of working out the way you need it to, even if it's hard to see at the time.

Keep us posted, will ya?

 
this is what happens when we are too focused on work and making money for somebody else.

sorry dude. maybe think about starting your own business? for me, writing code is about as mind numbing as you can get. i hope to not be dependant on working for someone one of these days...
 
I had a similar reaction once, coupled with a huge dose of fear of even going to work; my only solution was to quit and go somewhere. In my case, though, I was dealing with incompetent management where 4 different people wanted me to do the same thing 4 different ways, and the only other worker "on-site" was my immediated supervisor who was a psychohosebeast that I was forced to share a 10x10 office with.
 
Originally posted by: Titan
I haven't been lurking or neffing much since I haven't been at work the past 2½ weeks. I never thought something like this would happen to me, but I had some kind of mental breakdown and haven't returned, using up sick time, which I have plenty of.

I'm a software engineer, and I had just been getting sick of the commute and work. It's been a pretty stressful year, I worked. moved back home, started a different job with the same company, and was burning out bad and didn't allow myself to realize it. I became depressed, my work suffered, I became overwhelmed and just couldn't force my brain to read and anyalyze any more code. As my productivity plummeted, I became insular, didn't ask for help, and hoped it would get better. I just wanted to snap out of the funk. That was a gamble, and I gambled wrong.

The last week of work for me was like out of office space. Each day started to feel like the worst day of my life. On day three, I threw up my hands and decided I needed help. I didn't yell or scream or anything. I just felt like I could devote absolutely 0% of my brain to work, down from around 10% for a few weeks. Everyone at work was very helpful, but I all of a sudden became panicked, nervous and intensely afraid because this was such an uncertain thing for me. I am normally a very steady guy and nothing like this has ever happened to me before so I think the experience of coming to terms with it burnt me out. It was something of a panic attack and I was very nervous all day. I went from being a guy who would never think of going into therapy to finding a therapist that day to try and fix myself.

I have been doing better since, but I mentally don't feel the same. I don't have the same ability to focus and concentrate like I used to, and this feeling never goes away. I'm taking a lot of time off since I get lots of paid sick time to address my health for a change. Most of my issues seem to revolve around work so I may make some changes there, but I am taking things slowly. It's scary because no one can say for sure what's wrong with my head, and I dunno if it can be fixed. But I am getting help and am in no real danger, I don't want anyone to be worried, this is not a cry for help.

I just want people to know that burnout from stress is real. Don't hope things get better, make them get better before it's too late; take action. I understand we can get overwhelmed with work sometimes, especially technical jobs that are mentally challenging. But always keep your health in mind. You don't know what might break, even in your head.

I honestly don't know why else I am posting this. Maybe it's kinda theraputic. Anyone else ever "lose it" before?
Click to expand...

Man... you have described like 9/10 things that I have been going through this month at work. I hope I am not going to burn out like you.
 
The last time I burned out, I quit my job. That was last December... I'm still looking for a job that pays as well as it did, and I still don't regret leaving.
 
You didn't say, but I'm assuming you sought out professional psychiatric help. Trying to beat this yourself would be like trying to do brain surgery on yourself. The mind/body connection is well documented, and drugs can help, but you are best served by a combo of a drug (if appropriate) and the concentrated assistance of a professional therapist.

Please don't avoid any of this because you are either too proud, or too ashamed. Use the tools our society has developed to your advantage.

One more thing: If you don't like or don't connect with your therapist, don't be afraid to move on to another one. You wouldn't settle for a crappy video card, now would you?
 
I hate writing code. I have no idea how you could do it all day. It was drive me out of my mind. GL to you.
 
Originally posted by: Titan
I haven't been lurking or neffing much since I haven't been at work the past 2½ weeks. I never thought something like this would happen to me, but I had some kind of mental breakdown and haven't returned, using up sick time, which I have plenty of.

I'm a software engineer, and I had just been getting sick of the commute and work. It's been a pretty stressful year, I worked. moved back home, started a different job with the same company, and was burning out bad and didn't allow myself to realize it. I became depressed, my work suffered, I became overwhelmed and just couldn't force my brain to read and anyalyze any more code. As my productivity plummeted, I became insular, didn't ask for help, and hoped it would get better. I just wanted to snap out of the funk. That was a gamble, and I gambled wrong.

The last week of work for me was like out of office space. Each day started to feel like the worst day of my life. On day three, I threw up my hands and decided I needed help. I didn't yell or scream or anything. I just felt like I could devote absolutely 0% of my brain to work, down from around 10% for a few weeks. Everyone at work was very helpful, but I all of a sudden became panicked, nervous and intensely afraid because this was such an uncertain thing for me. I am normally a very steady guy and nothing like this has ever happened to me before so I think the experience of coming to terms with it burnt me out. It was something of a panic attack and I was very nervous all day. I went from being a guy who would never think of going into therapy to finding a therapist that day to try and fix myself.

I have been doing better since, but I mentally don't feel the same. I don't have the same ability to focus and concentrate like I used to, and this feeling never goes away. I'm taking a lot of time off since I get lots of paid sick time to address my health for a change. Most of my issues seem to revolve around work so I may make some changes there, but I am taking things slowly. It's scary because no one can say for sure what's wrong with my head, and I dunno if it can be fixed. But I am getting help and am in no real danger, I don't want anyone to be worried, this is not a cry for help.

I just want people to know that burnout from stress is real. Don't hope things get better, make them get better before it's too late; take action. I understand we can get overwhelmed with work sometimes, especially technical jobs that are mentally challenging. But always keep your health in mind. You don't know what might break, even in your head.

I honestly don't know why else I am posting this. Maybe it's kinda theraputic. Anyone else ever "lose it" before?
Click to expand...

Try drinking and/or gambling. Since you already don't have a job, you don't have to worry about losing it.

 
A number of years back I had a series of nervous breakdowns.
The first two I snapped and it was scary as hell.
The third time, I knew what was going on. I had had a lot of help and had a choice to make.
I simply gave up.
The fight is what was killing me. Go figure.
Now I try not to fight anything and it's a hell of a lot easier way to go.
 
I had a breakdown about a year and a half ago. i have slowly gotten better over the past year and sometimes I even enjoy myself now days. I hope you have good experiences with your therapist.

Perry
 
See if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program just for this purpose. Make use of the tools, and get well.
 
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