quackagator
Senior member
December 8: 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I
took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge
soft flakes drift down. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every
inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow
came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so
I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My
neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white
Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so
much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's
our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The
cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I
warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I
didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow
tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity
was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess
I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate
it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last
night. More shoveling. Took all day. ***damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I called the only hardware store
around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the
white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt 'til
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel,
and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed
again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on
his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I
think the asshole is lying.
December 23
Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to '0'. The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did.
December 24
Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was
having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives
that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow and beat him
to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and
waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a
100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open
our presents, but
I was too busy watching for the ***damn snowplow.
December 25
Merry ****ing Christmas. 20 more inches of the ****ing slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit
him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful
Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER
idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14
hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my
pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me
crazy!!!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a
million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for
trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home
to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?
Think Spring.
