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Small children and funerals? Do they go?

L

laurenlex

Platinum Member
My grandfather died🙁 He was 94 :Q

His memorial is this afternoon. Wife thinks it would be too difficult for our children, the great grand kids. I am on the fence. Half the people say to go. Other half say it was traumatic.

Added issue, the 6 year old's school christmas program is 2 hours after the service.

Memorial will be very small, no body, no trip to graveyard. Gramps was in pretty poor health since they remember him. The saw him once a week to once a month.

What do you think? Personal experiences?
 
I personally went to my great-grandpas. I really don't remember being upset...I think I was too young to know what was happening.

I went to my grandpas when I was in middle school. I didn't think it would but it really hit me hard once I got there.

I chose not to go to my other grandpa's funeral after that. I decided I would rather have memories of him living then be left with the images I have from the first funeral

Just my 5 cents
 
I wouldn't bring them, not because it might be traumatic, but because they would probably act inappropriately.

Unless you have some kind of super-kids that can sit still and be quiet for 2 hours.
 
Originally posted by: mugs
I wouldn't bring them, not because it might be traumatic, but because they would probably act inappropriately.

Unless you have some kind of super-kids that can sit still and be quiet for 2 hours.
Click to expand...

 
Originally posted by: mugs
I wouldn't bring them, not because it might be traumatic, but because they would probably act inappropriately.

Unless you have some kind of super-kids that can sit still and be quiet for 2 hours.
Click to expand...
Bingo

Plus its not like they want to go or need to go. Leave the kids
 
I don't think at that age that they really "get" death.

Perhaps you could explain what happened, and if they seem to understand, bring them. Since there will not be a body on display, it might be a little easier if you wanted to bring them along.

I don't think any of my youngest cousins were at my Grandmother's funeral.
 
I was a good kid when I was younger, apparently, I went to my great grandpa's funeral and was agood.

but yeah, dont bring them if they will act up.
 
I'm not worried about their behavior. They are good at stuff like that. I am more worried they will obsess about death for a long time. The 4 year old is asking a lot of questions.
 
If they were close to him I would say bring them, given their age and that they didn't really know him and the possibility that it would affect their christmas thing (the least important part of the equation imho) I would say don't bring them. There will be plenty of other opportunities to learn about death.
 
I remember going to funerals when I was 5 and 7. It really didn't sink in like it does now, but I still knew not to misbehave or my daddy would make sure I couldn't sit for a week. It depends on the child's personality and the parenting.
 
I'm a pallbearer at my grandfather's funeral on Saturday. We are bringing our kids, 3 and 5, to the wake and funeral. Its a family thing and while they were not close to our grandfather, he did talk and play with them when he knew their names and since my kids are part of my family, I'm bringing them. I have several sisters who can help watch, take care of them.
 
Take them. They need to understand what death is, and it shouldn't need to be alien to them. It is 100% natural.
 
We took my 3 and 5 year old to their grandma's funeral. She died young at 55 just this past summer. While they weren't overly aware of what was going on it was nice to have them there. They didn't sit in the main room, they sat off to the side with a friend of ours who was watching them and playing with them. They stayed for just a couple hours then went home.
 
not in my family

i took my 12 year old daughter to the funeral of my grandmother/her great grandmother, but not my 7 year old daughter

my cutoff age would be about 10 yrs

unless they were really really close, then i would go younger

but in my case, we lived a long way from my grandmother so my children didn't know her well, she had been sick/dementia for several years
 
Originally posted by: laurenlex
I'm not worried about their behavior. They are good at stuff like that. I am more worried they will obsess about death for a long time. The 4 year old is asking a lot of questions.
Click to expand...

My 5 year old asked a lot of questions too. They are smarter and more capable than you think. Don't dumb down and shelter your children from life forever. I could be you in the coffin next...
 
I went to plenty of funerals when I was around those ages. I never obsessed over death or acted badly. I'd say there is zero problem with taking them as long as their behavior is good. 4-6 year olds don't quite have a good concept of life and death, so they will be more shocked and weirded out by the ceremony than upset. That is, of course, unless other people are upset around them.

This is your Grandfather, and he was 94 and lived a good life. That's all you have to tell them. This wasn't a tragic accident, but rather the end for someone who had lots of time on this earth. I doubt there will be wailing and gnashing of the teeth, so I severly doubt they will be upset.
 
At 4 and 6 I'd imagine they still have issues sitting patiently through a dinner, not to mention a funeral. I'd probably leave them at home/with a sitter.

Still, it's your kids. I'm sure you can figure out what would be best for them.
 
I just don't think there's anything to be gained from sheltering. The sooner people learn about reality the sooner they can learn to deal with it, and the better they'll get at it.
 
Ask them if they want to go. If they do explain to them that they must be quiet and behave well. Ask them if the want to view, do not force them.

before arriving explain what will be happening at the service and what they will see at the cemetery.
 
Originally posted by: laurenlex
My grandfather died🙁 He was 94 :Q

His memorial is this afternoon. Wife thinks it would be too difficult for our children, the great grand kids. I am on the fence. Half the people say to go. Other half say it was traumatic.

Added issue, the 6 year old's school christmas program is 2 hours after the service.

Memorial will be very small, no body, no trip to graveyard. Gramps was in pretty poor health since they remember him. The saw him once a week to once a month.

What do you think? Personal experiences?
Click to expand...

If your 4 and 6 year old knew their grandfather well, you need to send them. Closure even at that age is good. Otherwise, when they get older they will say you didn't allow them closure. I have a coworker with two kids that say the same thing to my coworker.
 
My Father was killed when I was 3. I was not allowed to go to the funeral. At this point, I don't know if I would have remembered it at all or not but I can say this, I wish I would have been allowed to go and remembered it. I would have liked to say goodbye to him.

Just my .02 worth. I'm 44 now and don't really remember much at all about him.
 
Small children, yes. Children shouldn't be discriminated against becuase of their size.

Young children, not if they cannot be controlled. Unless of course it is immediate family.
 
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