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Skoorb effect, about my trouble a few weeks ago...

911paramedic

911paramedic

Diamond Member
I got yet another PM today about the events of a few weeks ago, it was from Skoorb.

I do appreciate all the PM's asking about how I am doing and how I did after that night. I was not feeling well again. It is hard to lose something you care so much about, for me it was being a paramedic, and do well. I asked you for help and I got it. Glen (glen, not glen1,lol) made the call for me and my friends showed up in the ambulance (although I did ask for code 2, no lights etc, they showed up with their lights on...). One of them was an ex-partner of mine who had his partner of 3 years (just before me) die from a sudden cardiac event. I was glad to see him and spoke with him and his new partner for about an hour.

I finally had them call out a Monta Vista person (we normally use them for grief counseling) and she spoke with me for about another hour. After she left, I decided to drive down to the hospital myself. I spoke with the intake nurse and decided that it would be best if I signed myself in and saw a doc about my unbelievable depression and anxiety. I had the worst night and day following day of my life there, it was the holoween weekend if I remember correctly. (as a medic I had dropped many patients off at that hospital in the past)

I had to wait until about 3:00PM the following day, Saturday, to get my visit with the doc (he had to see all the patients himself, about 25 people, that day). I spoke with him about my problems and he gave me a few prescriptions for antidepressants and sent me on my way. We spoke well because I got the "professional courtesy" that is given to fellow health care providers, and he sent me on my way.

I have yet to fill the prescriptions, and am still very depressed although I am trying to work on it. The accident at work that ruined my knee, even after surgery, is really troubling me. I live to do EMS (emergency medical services) and that has been taken away from me. I wish I could just get over it but it is very hard. I know, KNOW, that is the career for me and it is hard to let it go.

I tried to get the call made on MSN depression support group but got banned. Ironic eh? So I had to come here to the place I knew there where honest, real, people that did care. Thanks.

Thank you all for caring, and I am still here and kicking. Thank you to glen for making the call that went through, and all of you that tried.

P.S. My old partner said, "Who do you know in Maryland?", lol.
 
On the bright side: surely all the skills you acquired as a paramedic could carry over into another career within the medical field? You may not be charging to the scene anymore, but you'd still be helping people get better. Just a thought.

Best of luck to you. 🙂

Fausto
 
Originally posted by: 911paramedic
Thank you all for caring, and I am still here and kicking. Thank you to glen for making the call that went through, and all of you that tried.
Click to expand...

glad to hear you are ok, you hang in there
see the internet/ATOT is good for something! 😀

🙂
 
Originally posted by: Fausto1
On the bright side: surely all the skills you acquired as a paramedic could carry over into another career within the medical field? You may not be charging to the scene anymore, but you'd still be helping people get better. Just a thought.

Best of luck to you. 🙂

Fausto
Click to expand...

I was wondering that too. I know that there are lots of volunteer EMT services in rural areas that are always looking for skilled people to teach them and help them keep up to date on the latest and greatest techniques and technologies. Is there any way that you could continue serving and helping by passing your knowledge onto others via an instructor?
 
Thanks for the responses all, it literally brought me to tears (sure it is the depression, not your comments, lol)

Many people helped out that night and have asked about me since, so I thought I should say thanks in a public way.

BTW, my phone got fixed almost two weeks later. There was a short in the line between the junction (office area) and my apt. My phone works now, but you will never know how much you helped that night. Thank god for cable modem for communication...
 
Are there any careers in EMS that don't require the mobility of your knee? Have you looked at alternatives that let you live close to your dream while taking into account your phsyical limitations?
 
Originally posted by: Fausto1
On the bright side: surely all the skills you acquired as a paramedic could carry over into another career within the medical field? You may not be charging to the scene anymore, but you'd still be helping people get better. Just a thought.

Best of luck to you. 🙂

Fausto
Click to expand...


Hey, now that's a great idea! You could be a trainer! With all the real world experience you have, you'd be an invaluable asset to any organization. Go for it!
 
Well, you saved me from at least another set of scars/broken bones or worse when we had that little discussion over rappelling technique, so thats kind of like EMS work, except preventative. Speaking of that incident, I have a medical question for you. Is it normal for scar tissue to give you funny sensations (as in a material feels like a different material when rubbed over the scar) and be extra sensitive to pressure? This isnt a big problem due to where the scar is, but it annoyed me last night, so I thought I'd ask.
 
Originally posted by: Mookow
Well, you saved me from at least another set of scars/broken bones or worse when we had that little discussion over rappelling technique, so thats kind of like EMS work, except preventative. Speaking of that incident, I have a medical question for you. Is it normal for scar tissue to give you funny sensations (as in a material feels like a different material when rubbed over the scar) and be extra sensitive to pressure? This isnt a big problem due to where the scar is, but it annoyed me last night, so I thought I'd ask.
Click to expand...

Hehe, that was from search and rescue training, that is why I know about that. We once did a rescue off of el capitan. Only 3,000 feet down off this ledge.

Your sensations are most likely from nerve regeneration. You can even feel a very HOT sensation from COLd water for a few seconds, it confuses the nerve endings. I am sure you have heard of "phantom pains" before. It is when you lose a limb but still feel it. Nerves are funny and react strange too, but your sensations are probably being "sent" to your brain in a different way right now. It should clear up soon.



 
I missed when your knee was messed up at work. I assume that you're covered financially since your accident happened on the job (or you need to get a lawyer).

What about becoming an ER nurse? You may have to go back to school for a while, but your former employer may be required to pick up the tab. Trainer is another good idea.
 
You are not allowed to leave the medical comunity, we need more dedicated people like you. Perhaps you could be come a Ski Patrol trainer? No Skiing needed.

Good to hear you are doing better. Everything will come together, just you watch.
 
Originally posted by: Stark
I missed when your knee was messed up at work. I assume that you're covered financially since your accident happened on the job (or you need to get a lawyer).

What about becoming an ER nurse? You may have to go back to school for a while, but your former employer may be required to pick up the tab. Trainer is another good idea.
Click to expand...

Nurses have the same lifting requirements as we do, so I cant do that. (although they never have to put patients on boards and carry them down several flights of stairs...) That was a huge deal in SF, we carried them down out of every building, around spiral stairs 99% of the time.
 
I have yet to fill the prescriptions, and am still very depressed although I am trying to work on it.
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Till you do what the Doctor ordered how do you expect to begin to feel better and how on earth to you propose to be any sort of caregiver? One's own well must be full to do that,you cannot approach patients in any capacity
with the level of untreated depression and grief you are now carrying with you.

Heal thyself, go and get your medications!

 
Originally posted by: SaltBoy
I feel stupid, but I missed what happened. Somebody want to point me to a previous thread?
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no reason to feel stupid. I tried to find the thread "help" or something just like that, but couldn't. I asked for somebody to call my dispatch and send out and ambulance, code 2, so I could talk with them because of my depression. (code 2 is no lights or sirens, but still quickly)

My phone was out, Sprint finally found out that there was a short in the line between my apt and the junction box by the office. So I had no phone and had to ask (and post my dispatch number here) somebody to call and have an ambulance sent to my place. I even gave my medic number, glen got through and I really thank him for it now.

In a nutshell, that is what happened without finding the original thread.

David.
 
Originally posted by: 911paramedic
Originally posted by: Mookow
Well, you saved me from at least another set of scars/broken bones or worse when we had that little discussion over rappelling technique, so thats kind of like EMS work, except preventative. Speaking of that incident, I have a medical question for you. Is it normal for scar tissue to give you funny sensations (as in a material feels like a different material when rubbed over the scar) and be extra sensitive to pressure? This isnt a big problem due to where the scar is, but it annoyed me last night, so I thought I'd ask.
Click to expand...

Hehe, that was from search and rescue training, that is why I know about that. We once did a rescue off of el capitan. Only 3,000 feet down off this ledge.

Your sensations are most likely from nerve regeneration. You can even feel a very HOT sensation from COLd water for a few seconds, it confuses the nerve endings. I am sure you have heard of "phantom pains" before. It is when you lose a limb but still feel it. Nerves are funny and react strange too, but your sensations are probably being "sent" to your brain in a different way right now. It should clear up soon.
Click to expand...

Well, the thing is, this happened quite a while ago. The scrape took a long, long time to heal since it was right on a knuckle and thus the scab got broken every time I bent my finger or grabbed hold of something with a lot of force. Its been a good 6 months since this happened, and the scar is almost all gone* (see below). I expected it to be nice and screwed up for a while after taking the skin to the bone, but I thought it would be cleared up inside 2 months. On the plus side, the fingertip still gets sensations normally, the only affect area is the spot where I scraped it.

*For whatever reason, my scars all seem to disappear over time. I've scraped myself to the bone several times, went rolling through some gravel and got some rocks under my skin (rolling those back out hurt a litte), and the scars all disappear, the only permanant effect seems to be that hair doesnt regrow as thickly, which is only a bad thing in the case of the other scar I have right where my hairline is on my forehead. Luckily, that was a fairly small injury, and you can only really see it if you are looking for it... which apparently my mother was, as she was the only person to ever notice it without being told to look.
 
I'm sure you heard this before, but suicide is not the way out. Many, many people think about it some point(s) in their lives, and with varying degrees of seriousness, for many reasons. Fill your prescriptions, give them a try. Most take several weeks to take effect though (which I'm sure you know already), so you need to keep taking them even if they dont seem to be doing anything. Admittedly, I'm not in your situation and generally pretty ignorant about what your situation is, specifically, but I have noticed that this tends to be true... whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger. The trick is to make sure whatever you are facing doesnt in fact kill you.


If you dont do anything else that I advise you to do, at least go out to the library and loan out some good books. Personally, I like Hemingway, although I dont think you should use his life as a model for yours. Try reading some of the classics though, they usually give me a new perspective on people and events. In any event, here is a Hemingway quote you might want to think about. It is not sugary sweet, but sugar doesnt have much lasting power, either.
"If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially."

I included this one because you sound like you're broken at the moment. Thats not a bad thing in and of itself. As it says, life will break everyone (or to put it in more vulgar terms "No one's a virgin, life fscks us all"). And sure, the whatever breaks is pretty tender for a long time. But then it heals, and you're stronger there because of it. I'm not going to blow sunshine up your a$$, and I dont believe the saying which seems to be so popular among people my age "Just rememeber, whatever happens, happens for a reason". I'm a very pragmatic guy. Sometimes sh|t happens to good people for no reason whatsoever. But, when faced with the choice of giving up or getting up, getting up is the better choice.
 
Originally posted by: 911paramedic
Originally posted by: Stark
I missed when your knee was messed up at work. I assume that you're covered financially since your accident happened on the job (or you need to get a lawyer).

What about becoming an ER nurse? You may have to go back to school for a while, but your former employer may be required to pick up the tab. Trainer is another good idea.
Click to expand...

Nurses have the same lifting requirements as we do, so I cant do that. (although they never have to put patients on boards and carry them down several flights of stairs...) That was a huge deal in SF, we carried them down out of every building, around spiral stairs 99% of the time.
Click to expand...

There are more jobs to EMS than EMT and Nursing. You know that. Just think, what are the jobs that don't require lifting? Just because they put the requirement on the job doens't mean you can't get a waiver anyway. Don't give up on your dream, there IS a job out there for you, you just have to find it.
 
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