Single mother with a live-in boyfriend. Bad idea ?

[polm]

A friend of mine is making a decision, that I happen to think is the wrong one to make.

My friend is a 21 year old woman with a 3 year old son. The biological dad is pretty much a dead-beat, and sees the son only once a week, at most.

She had been dating a 20 year old guy for a few months, when all of a sudden she decided she needed space to date other men. She dumped the 20 year old...breaking his heart.

Well, her attempts at dating other men have failed, and she has gotten back together with the 20 year old. My opinion is that this is based only on her loneliness.

Now she sais she is going to ask him to move in on Valentines day . I am really worried that this is a bad decision. Not just for her, but especially for her 3 year old son.

Anyone have any advice for me on what, if anything, I should do or say to my friend ?

Am I wrong to object to this ? I am worried that her son his going to get attached, and that this relationship will end and leave him hurt and confused.

This girl has the most horrible track record with men. Even though I like her 20 year old BF, he is somewhat naive and I think he is just hooked on the sex. I'm pretty sure their relationship will not last. (it certainly didn't the first time they tried) .

What do y'all think ?

 

Call up Dr. Laura. She'll berate this guy from here to Timbuktu for "shacking up."

I personally don't think it's a good idea either, but it is socially acceptable, so don't count on finding much support for your side.

 

[Hammer]

yes, it sounds like a bad idea. but she'll find that out on her own soon enough. it's not your place to get involved.

 

[Yossarian]

1. it's a bad idea.
2. it's none of your business.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

Voice your concern now, if you feel so compelled, and then keep your mouth shut.

 

[quakefiend420]

Originally posted by: Yossarian
1. it's a bad idea.
2. it's none of your business.

 

[vood0g]

i would probably stay out of this one, and just be there for her if things go crashing.

 

[polm]

Originally posted by: vood0g
i would probably stay out of this one, and just be there for her if things go crashing.

seriously, I am a lot more worried about the child.

 

[RedRooster]

Originally posted by: jumpr
Call up Dr. Laura. She'll berate this guy from here to Timbuktu for "shacking up."

I personally don't think it's a good idea either, but it is socially acceptable, so don't count on finding much support for your side.

The guy? More like the woman. Jumping from one to another, having a good old time with a 3 year old kid to support. Poor kid.

 

[meltdown75]

I guess it depends on the guy AND the girl. Tough call. Reminds me of how fortunate I am to be married & 29 and being able to plan things out right when we decide to add to our family.

Since someone said Timbuktu, I have to say my Timbuktu poem.

Tim and I a campin' went
Saw three lovelies in a tent
They were three and we were two
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

 

[nakedfrog]

Well, I was 21 and my GF was 20 when we got together. We started living together after knowing each other for 3-6 months, and she had a 3 year old daughter. We've been together almost 6 years now, and unless we tell someone, they'd never know the girl wasn't my natural-born daughter. So it CAN work. But she didn't dump me and then get back together with me, so YMMV as always.

 

[m4ch0dude]

It went bad for her son the moment she met the deadbeat. Doesnt look like it's gonna get any better :thumbsdown:

 

[Stark]

why are you friends with this girl? you make her sound like a complete loser.

 

[vood0g]

Originally posted by: polm

Originally posted by: vood0g
i would probably stay out of this one, and just be there for her if things go crashing.

seriously, I am a lot more worried about the child.

yea, i meant for the child also.

 

[Chunkee]

Originally posted by: Yossarian
1. it's a bad idea.
2. it's none of your business.

 

[polm]

Originally posted by: Stark
why are you friends with this girl? you make her sound like a complete loser.

She's not a complete loser. She has just made some bad decisions. In her defense, she has done an incredible job , so far, raising her son. He is smart, healthy, and well adjusted.

 

[RaiderJ]

Single parents of ANY gender shouldn't expose their children to lots of boyfriends/girlfriends. It's confusing for the child and certainly not benficial to the parent. If the b/f or g/f is a fiance or a long-term parental figure for the child, that's one thing.

That said, offer advice if it's asked for, otherwise stay out. You'll not change her mind either way. Plus, said move-in boyfriend will hear of your dissent and cause problems if this girl's friendship you care to retain.

 

[Encryptic]

Originally posted by: Yossarian
1. it's a bad idea.
2. it's none of your business.

 

[Papagayo]

It makes me so mad to hear such stories..

I can't even imagine not seeing my kid for so long..
I feel sorry for the kid..

Who cares about the girlfriend..

Once you have a kid, the kid is most important..

 

[Pliablemoose]

Originally posted by: Yossarian
1. it's a bad idea.
2. it's none of your business.

 

[dabuddha]

Not your business unfortunately. She obviously won't listen to you anyways.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: polm

Originally posted by: Stark
why are you friends with this girl? you make her sound like a complete loser.

She's not a complete loser. She has just made some bad decisions. In her defense, she has done an incredible job , so far, raising her son. He is smart, healthy, and well adjusted.

Well she's socially retarded. But then again, so is the guy. This is none of your business...but I also would have a hard time biting my tongue. She obviously isn't into this guy, so she's just drawing out the inevitable making things more painful for all parties involved.