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Should I be pissed at my Dad? UPDATE: I have made peace with my inner self :D

L

leeland

Diamond Member
OK so we just got back from my son's 2 year b-day party...my dad gets my son a 15 dollar toy...that is pretty worthless (i.e. probably won't play with it 10 minutes total). I could care less about the presents part...I would like to think I am not superficial about that sort of stuff.

My sister lives in my dad's cottage which is right next door to him, doesn't charge her or her husband rent...and she doesn't work...(nice right) that part I have no problem with...I have made peace with the easy street life style.

They have a little adorable girl who is 2 1/2 years old...my dad has always spoiled her...clothes, gifts...ect...and I think it is mainly because they don't have a pot to piss in...

For her 2 year b-day, they got her a nice tricycle (50 + dollars), and went half's on a big arse wooden playset...(500 + dollars), some assorted toys and clothes.

All said and done I would venture to guess he spent over 300 dollars himself for the gifts.


I feel pissed not at the value of the toy, but the fact I feel like he actually put some thought and effort into her gifts...and probably walked through walmart and picked up the first thing in the isle for our son...

I don't want to sound like a baby about it...but would you be mad if given the same situation...you me?

There is a lot more to the story but I don't want to bore the hell out of you...

Thanks,

leeland
 
Sounds similar to a situation in our family, but I don't want to hijack. It sucks..but I'm not really one to give you advice..ignoring it might be your best bet.
 
I would be pissed.

On one side of the family I have grandparents that play games and play favourites.

On the other wide I have grandparents who have loved all of their grand kids equally.

I can tell you that you have ground to be annoyed with your father.
 
Granddaughters always get spoiled more than the grandsons. Seems like it happens for everyone. As long as he treats your son well and doesn't shun him or anything like that I wouldn't give it to much thought.
 
Originally posted by: leeland
OK so we just got back from my son's 2 year b-day party...my dad gets my son a 15 dollar toy...that is pretty worthless (i.e. probably won't play with it 10 minutes total). I could care less about the presents part...I would like to think I am not superficial about that sort of stuff.

My sister lives in my dad's cottage which is right next door to him, doesn't charge her or her husband rent...and she doesn't work...(nice right) that part I have no problem with...I have made peace with the easy street life style.

They have a little adorable girl who is 2 1/2 years old...my dad has always spoiled her...clothes, gifts...ect...and I think it is mainly because they don't have a pot to piss in...

For her 2 year b-day, they got her a nice tricycle (50 + dollars), and went half's on a big arse wooden playset...(500 + dollars), some assorted toys and clothes.

All said and done I would venture to guess he spent over 300 dollars himself for the gifts.


I feel pissed not at the value of the toy, but the fact I feel like he actually put some thought and effort into her gifts...and probably walked through walmart and picked up the first thing in the isle for our son...

I don't want to sound like a baby about it...but would you be mad if given the same situation...you me?

There is a lot more to the story but I don't want to bore the hell out of you...

Thanks,

leeland
Click to expand...


Woah. Hold up, chief. Take a look at yourself. Sound like you are pissed at the price.
 
Originally posted by: RyanSengara
I would be pissed.

On one side of the family I have grandparents that play games and play favourites.

On the other wide I have grandparents who have loved all of their grand kids equally.

I can tell you that you have ground to be annoyed with your father.
Click to expand...

I can tell you that you have ground to shut the fvck up.

leeland, personally, I would really try to overlook this and worry about the things that are really going to matter in life. Just remember how it hurt you and make sure that you don't let it happen to your son, and potential future children.
 
Originally posted by: biggestmuff
Originally posted by: leeland
OK so we just got back from my son's 2 year b-day party...my dad gets my son a 15 dollar toy...that is pretty worthless (i.e. probably won't play with it 10 minutes total). I could care less about the presents part...I would like to think I am not superficial about that sort of stuff.

My sister lives in my dad's cottage which is right next door to him, doesn't charge her or her husband rent...and she doesn't work...(nice right) that part I have no problem with...I have made peace with the easy street life style.

They have a little adorable girl who is 2 1/2 years old...my dad has always spoiled her...clothes, gifts...ect...and I think it is mainly because they don't have a pot to piss in...

For her 2 year b-day, they got her a nice tricycle (50 + dollars), and went half's on a big arse wooden playset...(500 + dollars), some assorted toys and clothes.

All said and done I would venture to guess he spent over 300 dollars himself for the gifts.


I feel pissed not at the value of the toy, but the fact I feel like he actually put some thought and effort into her gifts...and probably walked through walmart and picked up the first thing in the isle for our son...

I don't want to sound like a baby about it...but would you be mad if given the same situation...you me?

There is a lot more to the story but I don't want to bore the hell out of you...

Thanks,

leeland
Click to expand...


Woah. Hold up, chief. Take a look at yourself. Sound like you are pissed at the price.
Click to expand...

I think he's pissed with the thought/effort
 
Originally posted by: biggestmuff
Originally posted by: leeland
OK so we just got back from my son's 2 year b-day party...my dad gets my son a 15 dollar toy...that is pretty worthless (i.e. probably won't play with it 10 minutes total). I could care less about the presents part...I would like to think I am not superficial about that sort of stuff.

My sister lives in my dad's cottage which is right next door to him, doesn't charge her or her husband rent...and she doesn't work...(nice right) that part I have no problem with...I have made peace with the easy street life style.

They have a little adorable girl who is 2 1/2 years old...my dad has always spoiled her...clothes, gifts...ect...and I think it is mainly because they don't have a pot to piss in...

For her 2 year b-day, they got her a nice tricycle (50 + dollars), and went half's on a big arse wooden playset...(500 + dollars), some assorted toys and clothes.

All said and done I would venture to guess he spent over 300 dollars himself for the gifts.


I feel pissed not at the value of the toy, but the fact I feel like he actually put some thought and effort into her gifts...and probably walked through walmart and picked up the first thing in the isle for our son...

I don't want to sound like a baby about it...but would you be mad if given the same situation...you me?

There is a lot more to the story but I don't want to bore the hell out of you...

Thanks,

leeland
Click to expand...

I listed the price only to show the difference in the effort and thought I felt went into getting the present...

I don't know how to word it any different...the price is not an issue at all...so don't take it that way. I am irritated that he (to me) obviously went through a lot more time and effort to plan his presents to my niece. I am not mad she got them she is a wonderfu little girl...

I am just hurt a little bit for my son...it makes me feel like he isn't good enough to get the same type of treatment from my father...

How would you feel in my situation.



And to the following poster who said I should worry about bigger things...you are totally right, I am not going off the deep end here...it isn't a huge issue...my wife is hurt by this more than me and I am trying to get a perspective from outside the box...that is all


Woah. Hold up, chief. Take a look at yourself. Sound like you are pissed at the price.
Click to expand...

 
Originally posted by: DainBramaged
Originally posted by: RyanSengara
I would be pissed.

On one side of the family I have grandparents that play games and play favourites.

On the other wide I have grandparents who have loved all of their grand kids equally.

I can tell you that you have ground to be annoyed with your father.
Click to expand...

I can tell you that you have ground to shut the fvck up.

leeland, personally, I would really try to overlook this and worry about the things that are really going to matter in life. Just remember how it hurt you and make sure that you don't let it happen to your son, and potential future children.
Click to expand...


Oooh testy, down boy. Forget to take your pills this morning?

Maybe I should bait you more this is getting fun.
 
Originally posted by: RyanSengara
Originally posted by: DainBramaged
Originally posted by: RyanSengara
I would be pissed.

On one side of the family I have grandparents that play games and play favourites.

On the other wide I have grandparents who have loved all of their grand kids equally.

I can tell you that you have ground to be annoyed with your father.
Click to expand...

I can tell you that you have ground to shut the fvck up.

leeland, personally, I would really try to overlook this and worry about the things that are really going to matter in life. Just remember how it hurt you and make sure that you don't let it happen to your son, and potential future children.
Click to expand...


Oooh testy, down boy. Forget to take your pills this morning?

Maybe I should bait you more this is getting fun.
Click to expand...

I'm just amazed at how big of a deal money is in your life. :roll:
 
You have every right to be pissed. But, what will this accomplish but eat you up inside or cause a rift in your family.

I'd say let it go and know that you're a better person for doing so.

 
Girls > Boys. Your dad favours your sister and her daughter. I bet your parents provide much more FREE daycare to your sisters girl than your boy too.

The same sh!t happened with my mother in law. She had three girls, I married the oldest, and only the middle sister had a girl. Guess who gets 75% of the presents, daycare and visits. When they got the big @ss playset for "all" the kids whos backyard did it end up in? You guessed it. She will have the girl sleep over, but if any of the boys want to stay for the afternoon its migrane city. The MIL has watched our kids a total of EIGHT times over the past TEN years, but she will drive across the friggin State of Washington to see her grandaughters soccer game. Not an opener or a final, just a game!

OK end rant.

The only way your son is going to get to know your dad is if you force the issue. Drop him off for dad to watch that way he can play on the $500 set too. Since your sister does not work she should provide free daycare too.
 
My daughter gets a lot more attention and more money spent on her than the grandson. I notice and know my sister notices it, not much anyone can do about it. I think parents and grandparents are encoded to spoil little girls.
 
Originally posted by: Squisher
You have every right to be pissed. But, what will this accomplish but eat you up inside or cause a rift in your family.

I'd say let it go and know that you're a better person for doing so.
Click to expand...

true...and I have up to now....always let it go...and just relied on ourselves to get what ever we thought they would like.

However...the cycle just keeps repeating itself...over and over. I just hate the feeling that my son is not an important part in his life. I have had conversations with my dad about it in a round about way....didn't amount to much...

After reading some of the posts...and putting things into perspective I feel like I realize it is solely up to me and my wife to make sure that our son's happiness is up to us and not what other people give him.

You can't make someone do something that they don't already want to do...you can only rely on yourself to do that.

I usually don't let this stuff bother me and for what ever reason it did tonight...writing this post and reading the replies helped me remember what is important


Thanks guys...

leeland
 
Originally posted by: leeland
Should I be pissed at my Dad?
Click to expand...

No, you should not be pissed at your dad. That would be shallow since material things are worthless. Besides, understand that it takes more conscious effort for your father to treat all children equally since most people usually do what makes themselves happy rather than what may seem fair to everyone else.

It would be good for you to spend more happy, quality time with your father to allow your dad to think on your son with more happiness rather than force him to accept the responsibility necessary for equality.

Accept your personal responsibility to be bigger than this self-defined issue to allow your son to follow your positive example and learn his own happiness so he does not follow your current path of unhappiness.

EDIT:
Darn, your previous post was not there when I started writing but it seems you have already seen the issue similar to what I am saying.
 
Here's what's happening:

Your sister's kid is right next door, so he's seening her every day and she is constantly in his life. Therefore he's closer and is bonding with her more.

Your kid doesn't get as much "grandpa' time, so she's not as bonded to him, and therefore doesn't get the same type of attention.

Not much you can do about it, and your dad most likely doesn't even know he's doing it.
 
No amount of happy, quality time with his father is going to compete with or even come close to the granddaughter living next door 24/7. Yes, force the issue OR your son not follow your current path of unhappiness. We should have been more assertive with the inlaws and you should to.
 
Originally posted by: HomeAppraiser
... We should have been more assertive with the inlaws and you should to.
Click to expand...

That is a good point.
Grandparents do not always know how they may be needed by their children.
 
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