Should a relationship "just click" from the start to be successful?

[Jugernot]

Do you think a good relationship "just clicks" from the start? I just broke up with my girlfriend of two years because of our constant fighting.... I just got tired of it...

It was my only "real" relationship in my life, so now I'm a bit shell shocked.

I was talking to my brother who is married and he said that "a relationship should just click from the start". If you have a try at it, it most likely isn't meant to be.

Do you think that a successful relationship should "just click" from the start?

 

[majewski9]

Definately there should be some sort of chemistry of the start.

 

[schizoid]

Eh...I usually end up in those uber-intense, "the lows are really low but the highs are really high" relationships. They're stressful as hell, but people who get along all the time usually end up being pretty boring.

 

[Jugernot]

Originally posted by: schizoid
Eh...I usually end up in those uber-intense, "the lows are really low but the highs are really high" relationships. They're stressful as hell, but people who get along all the time usually end up being pretty boring.

Yah, that was sort of the way our relationship was... though it seems that last year or so was just a big LOW.

 

[Siddhartha]

How do you define successful in relationship?

Do you mean longevity, children, not fighting, common goals, etc?

In some cultures, it was not that long ago that most marriages were arranged and the couple did not know each other well if at all. In a lot of ways these relationships were successful.

 

[amnesiac]

SOrry to hear, dude. Go out, get drunk and have a few one night stands before you even think about getting back into a relationship. General rule of thumb is that it takes 1/2 the length of the relationship to "get over" the girl.

But while I don't think a relationship HAS to click from the start, I voted yes because it's a very big advantage IMO.

The thing is, though, if you keep going along waiting for that "click" you'll never find it. It hits you square in the jaw when you least expect it.

And no normal relationship is all blue skies and sunny days. My g/f and I love each other to death and plan on getting married sooner or later but we have our fair share of squabbles. Nothing major, and most are due to being 2000 miles apart, but I'm sure even together we'll have our differences. That's what keeps things interesting. Think about it; if you had a partner that you got along with ALL the time and shared ALL the same views as you, you'd get damn bored right quick, now wouldn't you?

 

[Jugernot]

Originally posted by: amnesiac 2.0
SOrry to hear, dude. Go out, get drunk and have a few one night stands before you even think about getting back into a relationship. General rule of thumb is that it takes 1/2 the length of the relationship to "get over" the girl.

But while I don't think a relationship HAS to click from the start, I voted yes because it's a very big advantage IMO.

The thing is, though, if you keep going along waiting for that "click" you'll never find it. It hits you square in the jaw when you least expect it.

And no normal relationship is all blue skies and sunny days. My g/f and I love each other to death and plan on getting married sooner or later but we have our fair share of squabbles. Nothing major, and most are due to being 2000 miles apart, but I'm sure even together we'll have our differences. That's what keeps things interesting. Think about it; if you had a partner that you got along with ALL the time and shared ALL the same views as you, you'd get damn bored right quick, now wouldn't you?

Nah, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind little stuff. My ex had lots of stuff working against her... 3 previous bad marriages and she is bipolar. Yes, it was bad...

The only reason we got together in the first place was were both students in the same classes at the U. We went out on a date and it went from there. I soon saw the real her.. the bipolar side and I just thought "I'll deal with it!" Well it has been two years and I can't deal with it anymore. It just slowly went to crap... we have been constantly fighting and it just kept getting worse. I've broken up with her at least a half dozen times over the last two years and I always ended up going back. Not this time... the last time I went back to her, I soon realized why I left. Now, this time is for good... I'm 21 and she was 33, just too many years between us and too much bad blood.

Anyway, I realize that relationship are going to have their ups and downs... I'd just rather not being in ones that only have downs and deeper downs. Know what I mean?

 

[Shockwave]

Naw, it doesnt have too.
Hell, when my wife was in high school I hated that bish. No, we're married. Weird eh?

 

[Pliablemoose]

Originally posted by: Jugernot

Originally posted by: amnesiac 2.0
SOrry to hear, dude. Go out, get drunk and have a few one night stands before you even think about getting back into a relationship. General rule of thumb is that it takes 1/2 the length of the relationship to "get over" the girl.

But while I don't think a relationship HAS to click from the start, I voted yes because it's a very big advantage IMO.

The thing is, though, if you keep going along waiting for that "click" you'll never find it. It hits you square in the jaw when you least expect it.

And no normal relationship is all blue skies and sunny days. My g/f and I love each other to death and plan on getting married sooner or later but we have our fair share of squabbles. Nothing major, and most are due to being 2000 miles apart, but I'm sure even together we'll have our differences. That's what keeps things interesting. Think about it; if you had a partner that you got along with ALL the time and shared ALL the same views as you, you'd get damn bored right quick, now wouldn't you?

Nah, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind little stuff. My ex had lots of stuff working against her... 3 previous bad marriages and she is bipolar. Yes, it was bad...

The only reason we got together in the first place was were both students in the same classes at the U. We went out on a date and it went from there. I soon saw the real her.. the bipolar side and I just thought "I'll deal with it!" Well it has been two years and I can't deal with it anymore. It just slowly went to crap... we have been constantly fighting and it just kept getting worse. I've broken up with her at least a half dozen times over the last two years and I always ended up going back. Not this time... the last time I went back to her, I soon realized why I left. Now, this time is for good... I'm 21 and she was 33, just too many years between us and too much bad blood.

Anyway, I realize that relationship are going to have their ups and downs... I'd just rather not being in ones that only have downs and deeper downs. Know what I mean?

Bipolar & women's menstrual cycles just don't mix, you'll NEVER know where you stand, RUN & don't leave any sharp objects lying around...

<---- Been there, done that, trust me run (what you were in was like a normal relationship, but the highs are too high, the lows are too low & the potential for violence is very real....) Bet you had good make-up sex though...

 

[KahunaHube]

chemistry can happen at any time, there's just different factors that put this in play

 

[rh71]

You can definitely grow and love a person in "that" way over time. When you first start out, you hardly know anything about that person. You may not really know all there is to know about a person until you actually live with them. It's sort of like a what's-on-the outside vs. inside thing.

 

[Wolfsraider]

I answered no to your poll.

there are no rules except the ones you both agree to and everybody is different.Since no two people are the same,you will often disagree.
it's what you do during those times that make or break a relationship,no matter how much you click.you can love someone but grow to dislike them very easily. Even though you love them it doesn't mean you are willing to give them understanding or patience when they need it or vice versa.

to make any relationship work its 10% emotion and 90% work.

I am with a very wonderful lady (going on 5 years now) who sees things vastly different than i do,and it takes working on our relationship daily to keep it functioning.(hearing the other person,sharing opinions and seeing their side etc)

at 23 i had back surgery that left me partialy disabled.I worked hard to restrengthen my back and get my life in order.but i reinjured it 16 months ago and haven't worked steady since.she has taken on two jobs to support our family (three kids).but we split last year over mistakes she and i both made.Well after a few months we realized we hated being apart more than we disliked our mistakes.

i had never loved someone enough to forgive them before i met her.the few months we were apart i had my son with me (2 years old at that time) but even though we were doing fine,i really wasn't happy.my heart was with her and my girls.we spent hours on the phone(she was in seattle i went back to arkansas) talking like best friends do.and we both realized what we were throwing away if we didn't make allowances.

sorry so long but it all boils down to "value"

she and they are the most important thing in my life.so i value her as unreplacable.that means i listen and hear her side,i try to give my best.

click is good for the start but value for the long run

mike

 

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: schizoid
Eh...I usually end up in those uber-intense, "the lows are really low but the highs are really high" relationships. They're stressful as hell, but people who get along all the time usually end up being pretty boring.

Hey, now. I'm not boring! Bridge was fun this weekend!

 

[pulse8]

The beginning of a relationship should be the easiest part. If you're having problems in the beginning, you should not continue the relationship.

 

[Anubis]

my last relationship "Just Clicked" from teh beginning but that dosent mean its all gonna go perfectly. things didnt end up pretty in that one. nedless to say. shes now a slut and i havent talked to her in 6 months

 

[KC5AV]

If a relationship 'just clicks' from the beginning, you need to be careful. Any good relationship, like anything else worth having in life, is going to take time to develop and grow. My wife and I fought like cats and dogs for about 3 years before we got married. Of course, most of the fights really were my fault. I was being childish, and may have actually been trying to run her off, because I didn't feel like anyone could really love me. Luckily, she was just stubborn enough to not leave me. We've been happily married for almost 6 years now. I'm not saying that we don't still fight sometimes, but they are nothing like they were in college. Our relationship grew out of a lot of hard work and emotional investment. We had to work at making the relationship work.

I'm certainly not holding mine up as any kind of model. As with everything in life, YMMV.

- John