A story my friend wrote for my web page.. I think it's necessary to share it with all of you.
"She Thinks My Tractor is Sexy"
She thinks my tractor?s sexy. So yeah, we?re sleeping in separate beds now. Actually, she generally takes a sleeping bag out to the shed, at least when it?s warm?You know, to be near the tractor. I don?t mind all that much, except when the neighbors see her walking out to the shed in her nightgown and slippers. I could do without that. Well, that and the fact that old man McVickers told me that he heard sounds of wild lovemaking coming from my shed late last Wednesday night, and he warned me to be on the lookout for ?those damn teenagers.? I just nodded, and tried to hide my shame. If he were to let curiosity get the better of him, and take a peek through the shed door to see my wife and my tractor?Well, I?d never be able to show my face again.
Don?t get me wrong, I?ve tried to win her back. But it?s just like she?s already thought this whole thing out. The other day I tried to remind her of all the things we?ve been through together, but she stopped me cold by telling me that the tractor had scored 50 POINTS HIGHER than me on a ?Is He the One?? quiz in last month?s Cosmopolitan. I lost my temper, shouted that it was impossible, that she was just filling in answers for the tractor and that it was totally unfair. She just stormed off in the direction of the shed. I know I shouldn?t blow my top like that, that?s certainly not gonna do me any good in her eyes. And Good God, the kids?.I think my she?s just about got my youngest daughter trained to call the tractor ?Da-ba.? Can?t be too much longer before ?Daddy?, right? It makes me queasy.
But enough whining. I?ve got to go get fitted for a brand new tuxedo. You see, my wife?s sister?s wedding is only 2 weeks away, and I?m pretty sure she intends to be escorted by the tractor, and I?ll be GOD DAMNED if I?m gonna let that happen.
Wish me luck?
The END
"She Thinks My Tractor is Sexy"
She thinks my tractor?s sexy. So yeah, we?re sleeping in separate beds now. Actually, she generally takes a sleeping bag out to the shed, at least when it?s warm?You know, to be near the tractor. I don?t mind all that much, except when the neighbors see her walking out to the shed in her nightgown and slippers. I could do without that. Well, that and the fact that old man McVickers told me that he heard sounds of wild lovemaking coming from my shed late last Wednesday night, and he warned me to be on the lookout for ?those damn teenagers.? I just nodded, and tried to hide my shame. If he were to let curiosity get the better of him, and take a peek through the shed door to see my wife and my tractor?Well, I?d never be able to show my face again.
Don?t get me wrong, I?ve tried to win her back. But it?s just like she?s already thought this whole thing out. The other day I tried to remind her of all the things we?ve been through together, but she stopped me cold by telling me that the tractor had scored 50 POINTS HIGHER than me on a ?Is He the One?? quiz in last month?s Cosmopolitan. I lost my temper, shouted that it was impossible, that she was just filling in answers for the tractor and that it was totally unfair. She just stormed off in the direction of the shed. I know I shouldn?t blow my top like that, that?s certainly not gonna do me any good in her eyes. And Good God, the kids?.I think my she?s just about got my youngest daughter trained to call the tractor ?Da-ba.? Can?t be too much longer before ?Daddy?, right? It makes me queasy.
But enough whining. I?ve got to go get fitted for a brand new tuxedo. You see, my wife?s sister?s wedding is only 2 weeks away, and I?m pretty sure she intends to be escorted by the tractor, and I?ll be GOD DAMNED if I?m gonna let that happen.
Wish me luck?
The END
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