She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight . . .

[Fausto]

2004 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest winners.

Worst. Fiction. Ever.

An international literary parody contest, the competition honors the memory (if not the reputation) of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873). The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. Although best known for "The Last Days of Pompeii" (1834), which has been made into a movie three times, originating the expression "the pen is mightier than the sword," and phrases like "the great unwashed" and "the almighty dollar," Bulwer-Lytton opened his novel Paul Clifford (1830) with the immortal words that the "Peanuts" beagle Snoopy plagiarized for years, "It was a dark and stormy night."

 

[isasir]

As he entered the room within which so many a wild night of their sweltering love affair had been spent, the White Rabbit regarded her with benevolent eyes, her posture such that he suspected something was wrong, but before he could speak Alice unburied her face from her trembling hands and between her intense sobs he made out the words, "I'm late . . . I'm late."

:Q

 

[Gothgar]

Originally posted by: isasir

As he entered the room within which so many a wild night of their sweltering love affair had been spent, the White Rabbit regarded her with benevolent eyes, her posture such that he suspected something was wrong, but before he could speak Alice unburied her face from her trembling hands and between her intense sobs he made out the words, "I'm late . . . I'm late."

:Q

LOL!!!!!111111oneoneEXCLAMATIONPOINT!!!!!111

 

[Hankerton]

Jeez, this is a really dumb contest.

 

[Fausto]

Originally posted by: Hankerton
Jeez, this is a really dumb contest.

Or maybe you're just not bright enough to get it.

 

[Ogg]

:thumbsup:
some really good ones in there... like every year !!!!!!!!!!
and Im only half way down the page :Q

 

[Ogg]

another good one......


She was a tough one, all right, as tough as a marshmallow--not one of those soft sticky ones used in s'mores, cooked to a turn over a good campfire, or even like the stale chewy type covered in yellow sugar and found at the bottom of a three-week-old Easter basket--no, she was tough like a freeze-dried marshmallow in kid's cereal that despite being shaped like a little balloon and colored a friendly pink are so rock solid that they are responsible for the loss of more baby teeth than most older siblings.



:laugh:

 

[Fausto]

Her pendulous breasts swung first to the left, then to the right and finally in independent directions, much like semaphore signals, and although he couldn't understand semaphore, Kyle was sure they were saying, "Never ride the Tilt-A-Whirl with your grandma."

:Q

 

[Ogg]

Originally posted by: Fausto

Her pendulous breasts swung first to the left, then to the right and finally in independent directions, much like semaphore signals, and although he couldn't understand semaphore, Kyle was sure they were saying, "Never ride the Tilt-A-Whirl with your grandma."

:Q

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: Ogg

Originally posted by: Fausto

Her pendulous breasts swung first to the left, then to the right and finally in independent directions, much like semaphore signals, and although he couldn't understand semaphore, Kyle was sure they were saying, "Never ride the Tilt-A-Whirl with your grandma."

:Q

 

[dman]

Link from Fark to a different page, and I guess, a different contest. So, how many contests are there?

To her dismay, Julia found that her right hand seemed to be pulling her into an increasingly horizontal position; first her wrist and forearm, then her upper arm and shoulder, until her cheek lay on her shoulder, leaving her to surmise that the handrail of the airport's moving sidewalk progressed at a more rapid pace than the sidewalk itself.

Dammit now I know one day I'm going to ride one of those things and I'm going to crack up... and someones going to ask what's funny and all I'll be able to say is 'nothing'.

 

[SP33Demon]

Originally posted by: Ogg

Originally posted by: Fausto

Her pendulous breasts swung first to the left, then to the right and finally in independent directions, much like semaphore signals, and although he couldn't understand semaphore, Kyle was sure they were saying, "Never ride the Tilt-A-Whirl with your grandma."

:Q

bwahahahaha

 

[Arkitech]

this post is hi-larious

:thumbsup:

 

[badmouse]

Thanks, I just laughed out loud for a solid ten minutes reading that page.

Hans sipped from his bottle of German Bru-hoff beer and idly read the label: "Bru-hoff, a heady-nosed Rhine beer has a slightly briny pose, and if you've ever drawn it, you would like the way it flows, but all of the other Rhine beers, Dusen lagers, and thick ales, they never beat our Bru-hoff in the yearly Rhine beer games."