Shawn
Lifer
What's pink and wrinkly and belongs to Grandpa?
Grandma!
Where does a 400 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere he wants!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts!
What do you call Bears with no ears?
B
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!!!!
If it takes 6 guys one hour to dig a hole. How long would it take for one guy to dig half a hole?
You can't dig half a hole !
Which side of a sheep has the most wool?
The Outside
What go's black white black white all the time?
A penquin rolling down a hill!
Whats black and white and red all over?
A newspaper!
A man was driving a black car......... his lights where off....... the moon was not out..... a lady was crossing the road. How did the man see her?
It was a bright sunny day!
Why was the math book so sad?
Because he had so many problems!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
See you at the corner!
What game has 4 letters and begins with a "T"?
Golf!
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop!
Why did the girl throw the clock out the window?
She wanted to see time fly.
One man said to the other "my dog's got no nose". And the other man said "how does he smell". And the first man said "terrible".
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7-8-9.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter - he's not coming anyway!
A barber is cutting hair at an old barber's shop. Suddenly, two dogs sitting outside the salon started fighting over a large bone. It was very noisy, and the barber found it hard to concentrate. Suddenly, he shouted out loud, "Somebody please stop those dogs! I can't concentrate!" Then, a man stood up, walked outside, and put his foot between the two fighting dogs. The dogs suddenly grew quiet and backed away. The barber and his customers were very happy that the dogs had stopped fighting. Then, the barber asked the man how he had made the dogs quiet. He answered, " It's simple, sir, I wear Hush Puppies,"
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific?
Nothing, it just waved !
What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
LOST!!
What did the driver say to the one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in!!
What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
What do you serve but can not eat?
A tennis ball
What do you call a sheep that has been hit by lightning?
Electric Blanket!
What's the worst animal to play a game of cards with?
A cheetah!!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphrey!
What do you call a dumb skeleton?
A numbskull!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
fsh!
What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff!
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam!
Why doesn't Dracula like mosquito's?
Too much competition!
Guess who I saw today
Everyone I looked at!
How did Darthvader know what Luke was getting for christmas?
He felt his presents
What did one melon say to the other melon?
Lets get married, we cantaloupe.
What begins with t ends in t and has t in it?
a tea pot
A cheese burger walked in to a bar and said can I have a pint of beer, the bartender said sorry we don't serve food.
What lion never roars?
A Dandelion!
What room can a skeleton not go in?
A living-room!
Grandma!
Where does a 400 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere he wants!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts!
What do you call Bears with no ears?
B
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!!!!
If it takes 6 guys one hour to dig a hole. How long would it take for one guy to dig half a hole?
You can't dig half a hole !
Which side of a sheep has the most wool?
The Outside
What go's black white black white all the time?
A penquin rolling down a hill!
Whats black and white and red all over?
A newspaper!
A man was driving a black car......... his lights where off....... the moon was not out..... a lady was crossing the road. How did the man see her?
It was a bright sunny day!
Why was the math book so sad?
Because he had so many problems!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
See you at the corner!
What game has 4 letters and begins with a "T"?
Golf!
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop!
Why did the girl throw the clock out the window?
She wanted to see time fly.
One man said to the other "my dog's got no nose". And the other man said "how does he smell". And the first man said "terrible".
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7-8-9.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter - he's not coming anyway!
A barber is cutting hair at an old barber's shop. Suddenly, two dogs sitting outside the salon started fighting over a large bone. It was very noisy, and the barber found it hard to concentrate. Suddenly, he shouted out loud, "Somebody please stop those dogs! I can't concentrate!" Then, a man stood up, walked outside, and put his foot between the two fighting dogs. The dogs suddenly grew quiet and backed away. The barber and his customers were very happy that the dogs had stopped fighting. Then, the barber asked the man how he had made the dogs quiet. He answered, " It's simple, sir, I wear Hush Puppies,"
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific?
Nothing, it just waved !
What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
LOST!!
What did the driver say to the one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in!!
What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
What do you serve but can not eat?
A tennis ball
What do you call a sheep that has been hit by lightning?
Electric Blanket!
What's the worst animal to play a game of cards with?
A cheetah!!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphrey!
What do you call a dumb skeleton?
A numbskull!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
fsh!
What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff!
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam!
Why doesn't Dracula like mosquito's?
Too much competition!
Guess who I saw today
Everyone I looked at!
How did Darthvader know what Luke was getting for christmas?
He felt his presents
What did one melon say to the other melon?
Lets get married, we cantaloupe.
What begins with t ends in t and has t in it?
a tea pot
A cheese burger walked in to a bar and said can I have a pint of beer, the bartender said sorry we don't serve food.
What lion never roars?
A Dandelion!
What room can a skeleton not go in?
A living-room!
