SF hosts 'Masturbate-a-thon'

Toggle sidebar Toggle sidebar
L

LeadMagnet

Platinum Member
Mar 26, 2003
2,348
0
0
Article


Those readers who like their Reg stories with a firm IT angle would do well to look away now. On the other hand, those readers who like their stories with a something-firm-in-in-hand angle will doubtless be delighted that US capital of libertines, degenerates and homosexualists San Fran last week hosted the city's "Masturbate-a-thon" - an event designed to celebrate all that is good and wholesome in the five-knuckle shuffle.

According to a Yahoo! report (and yes, we've asked ourselves if they haven't got anything better to do down at Yahoo! - like cracking one off - instead of wasting everyone's time with these tiresome masturbation stories), the event was organised to "help raise funds for the Center for Sex and Culture, and, according to its organizer, provide an outlet for safe sex for those who enjoy pleasuring themselves in a semi-public setting".
Click here to find out more!

Jesus. No wonder Middle America is as we speak loading its semi-automatic rifle and flicking through the Bible for the bit where it says: "Ye verily, the Lord did smite down those who indulged in the trouser-snake monosamba."

Even Center for Sex and Culture supremo, Carol Queen [sic], admitted that the topic of masturbation is for many "off limits", explaining: "Even people who are sexually frisky... might have the bias that many Americans do, that it's second-best sex, that it's something you do if you can't figure something else out."

Second-best sex? Tell that to a Linux programmer who's got a slice of pizza in one hand, his hideously empurpled member in the other and a Natalie Portman tribute website firmly plastered across Firefox...

Tasty. Back in SF, meanwhile, we are informed that: "One New York man arrived shortly after 5 p.m. seeking to break the endurance six-and-a-half hour record set at last year's event." Good effort - better even than guitar-strumming ecowarrior Sting and his reported seventy-three days shagging his wife without suffering an orgasm as a result of his Tantric sex black-belt status. Mind you, the SF wankers are allowed a five-minute break every hour, which is more than enough time to prevent a premature ejection from the competition by focussing on filling in tax returns and the mother-in-law*.

Interestingly, last year's female marathon winner, the deliciously-named Norine Dworkin, described the long-distance frottorama as "about as pleasurable as rubbing an elbow". Suggestion: stay at home and find something else to occupy six-and-a-half hours... Like watching Natalie Portman in The Phantom Menace. Now if you'll excuse me... <unzip>
Click to expand...

Article
 
I

imported_LoKe

Lifer
Jun 4, 2005
19,733
1
0
Second-best sex? Tell that to a Linux programmer who's got a slice of pizza in one hand, his hideously empurpled member in the other and a Natalie Portman tribute website firmly plastered across Firefox...
Click to expand...

:eek:
 
DrPizza

DrPizza

Administrator Elite Member Goat Whisperer
Mar 5, 2001
49,606
166
111
www.slatebrookfarm.com
Originally posted by: LoKe
Second-best sex? Tell that to a Linux programmer who's got a slice of pizza in one hand, his hideously empurpled member in the other and a Natalie Portman tribute website firmly plastered across Firefox...
Click to expand...

:eek:
Click to expand...

lmao, I had just cut that, ready to paste it... that's easily the best part of the article.
 
V

ValkyrieofHouston

Golden Member
Sep 26, 2005
1,736
0
0
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: ValkyrieofHouston
Reading this post reminds me of the book and show "The Vagina Monologues".
Click to expand...

I tried to watch that once.

*shudder*
Click to expand...


LOL, I had a couple of girlfriends take their boyfriends to it. The guys couldn't handle it...
The show is shocking, but funny, and soooo true!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

COMPANY
RESOURCES
FOLLOW
Top Bottom