Self-defeating behavior

[Juddog]

I have noticed in some people that they purposely sabotage themselves. What causes this behavior pattern?

For example, someone might be doing great at a job, have all they need, etc. then all of a sudden start slacking and messing things up which ends up getting them in trouble. Obviously they have all it takes to do the job, but something in their minds causes them to fail. Same thing goes for video games, chess, and hell even quitting smoking for instance.

It seems like a timeless tragedy in ways; someone's mind and intentions are to do well, but part of their brain sabotages their life forcing them to live through bad moments created by their own behavior which could have been avoided had they simply followed their own advice. Is there a way to break this chain? Is it caused by parents, by heredity, or by learned behavior in general?

 

[Crono]

You are assuming people sabotoge themselves. Maybe some do, but in most cases it's because they lose focus and j

 

[leftyman]

lack of discipline.

 

[Farang]

Slow down there, Arnold didn't say he was legalizing it, he just wanted to open the debate.

 

[Juddog]

Originally posted by: Farang
Slow down there, Arnold didn't say he was legalizing it, he just wanted to open the debate.

Wat?

 

[Titan]

Wath the moviie "The Hustler" - it coined the phrase "born loser."

 

[leftyman]

Originally posted by: Juddog

Originally posted by: Farang
Slow down there, Arnold didn't say he was legalizing it, he just wanted to open the debate.

Wat?

marijuana

 

[destrekor]

it might be an unconscious cry for change. I've caught myself in that type of behavior, and I'm definitely the type of person that relishes changing interests. Which is strange because I hate change, but in the end I always change interests and goals. It's also because I'm a little ADD (and maybe OCD) and just put so much concentration into something I enjoy over a long period of time, that eventually I just start getting bored, not focusing on it nearly as much, and then just forget about it and find something else.

 

[Juddog]

The reason I ask is that I watched my dad suffer through this his whole life and finally die of heart failure. He was a chronic alcoholic and basically destroyed himself over time. Numerous attempts to stop him didn't work, since he was so hell bent on wrecking his life. Other members of his family have become VP's, CEO's, and lawyers with the same level of intelligence that he was born with - he was a bright guy before he got so heavy into alcoholism. I tried so hard to get him to change but was never successful. It was very sad when he died, moreso because he was retired and could have lived a long life had he only taken care of himself and used what he had. Other people given the same gifts that he was given, in life, took them and excelled with them, whereas he took everything and squandered it.

Now I find myself falling into some of these same patterns at times; I'll lose at games against someone who I know I am better than, and play like an idiot against them when I know I should be putting more effort. I have to constantly reinforce myself with positive affirmations to fight it off, but I could never figure out what the root cause of the whole thing was; why it started and passed down from father to son. Obviously for me it's because I watched my father do it, but for him his parents seemed fine and good people.

 

[irishScott]

Depression's one possible explanation. Or chemical imbalances in general. I dealt with that shit for years, and after a while the self-destructive behavior becomes habitual. Extremely hard to break. Even this semester (when I'm more-or-less fully "cured" of the depression) I've waited till the last minute to the point where I'll be lucky to get 2 Bs and a C.

As for the discipline argument, that ceases to be relevant in the case of a chemical imbalance. You can't run a marathon with a broken leg or busted ankle, regardless of will power. Same difference.

Also your dad's alcoholism could very well have been the cause.

 

[Juddog]

Originally posted by: irishScott
Depression's one possible explanation. Or chemical imbalances in general. I dealt with that shit for years, and after a while the self-destructive behavior becomes habitual. Extremely hard to break. Even this semester (when I'm more-or-less fully "cured" of the depression) I've waited till the last minute to the point where I'll be lucky to get 2 Bs and a C.

As for the discipline argument, that ceases to be relevant in the case of a chemical imbalance. You can't run a marathon with a broken leg or busted ankle, regardless of will power. Same difference.

Also your dad's alcoholism could very well have been the cause.

What you mentioned about school is one example of a habit I used to do. I would put off studying / homework until the last minute; the only reason I got A's in highschool was mostly because of my ability to memorize things easily I could just remember what happened in class and easily recall it on the test. I never did as much home work as I should have, and this hurt me when I got to college.

I noticed that with my brother, my father's behavior has affected him a lot worse than it did me - he's smart enough that he was easily in the top 1% intelligence-wise, but can't hold down a job because he sabotages himself at work and ends up quitting or getting fired constantly. The part that's worse with him is that he won't admit to it, and if someone tries to help him, he refuses the help or sabotages it leading to certain failure.

The part that stinks the most about the whole deal is that I find myself falling back into those patterns again if I just let things go even for a moment; for years I have to artificially motivate myself and pump myself up consciously or else I fail. In essence I have to put forth twice as much effort as most people to get anything done since I'm constantly fighting the part of my brain that's trying to sabotage my life.

 

[Auggie]

Originally posted by: Crono
You are assuming people sabotoge themselves. Maybe some do, but in most cases it's because they lose focus and j

hahaha

 

[us3rnotfound]

Juddog, you have just described what I have been going through my whole adult life, very accurately. I'm pretty smart, no doubt about it but I constantly have to fight the part of my mind that says quit, fuck it. It is really hurting me in college right now, I can't seem to find a consistency where I can just work everyday to get ahead of classes. Being a junior in EE right now, I would really love to just be able to have an up beat attitude all the time, but unfortunately it's not that easy.

 

[SphinxnihpS]

Axiom: Every single person does exactly what he wants all the time without exception.

 

[MoPHo]

For me it's boredom. Sometimes depression and masochistic tendencies feed the flames.

Edit: No joke.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

So they can justify any potential failure with " I wasn't really trying anyways" .

 

[SphinxnihpS]

I will elaborate. There is a "payoff" for every behavior, even what most would consider self-destructive behavior has a payoff.

 

[HardcoreRobot]

Originally posted by: SphinxnihpS
Axiom: Every single person does exactly what he wants all the time without exception.

Or, what you want is defined by what you do.

And I tend to agree.

 

[imported_Imp]

I subconsciously sabotaged myself at my first job. After I found a new job that paid triple, and gave actual responsibilities, I showed up late almost 2 hours twice for the old job. I was dead set on quitting, but I really wasn't trying to do a bad job.

Other than that, I deliberately alienated and blew off a couple friends. One or two of which were ladies and appeared to want more. Ah, I fail...

 

[JTsyo]

Cats who eat rats

 

[Juddog]

Originally posted by: JTsyo
Cats who eat rats

:Q

 

[compuwiz1]

One may achieve success but sustaining it is another issue. Self defeating thoughts, such as "I'm not worthy" will eventually errode any accomplishments.

 

[evident]

blah, i've been losing focus on everything recently.

 

[Chiropteran]

It sometimes feels like I don't have control over myself.

 

[MovingTarget]

Originally posted by: irishScott
Depression's one possible explanation. Or chemical imbalances in general. I dealt with that shit for years, and after a while the self-destructive behavior becomes habitual. Extremely hard to break. Even this semester (when I'm more-or-less fully "cured" of the depression) I've waited till the last minute to the point where I'll be lucky to get 2 Bs and a C.

As for the discipline argument, that ceases to be relevant in the case of a chemical imbalance. You can't run a marathon with a broken leg or busted ankle, regardless of will power. Same difference.

Also your dad's alcoholism could very well have been the cause.

Throw in anxiety as well.... trying to compensate for that can be very self-destructive.