Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?

[Random Variable]

It must've been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this
boat you see, all alone at night, when all of a sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the
Paleolithic era, comes out of the water.

It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes.

And I yelled, I said "What do you want from us monster?!" And the monster bent down and
said "I need about treefiddy."

I said "I ain't giving you no treefiddy you goddam Loch Ness monster! Get your
own goddam money!"

 

[Cobalt]

:thumbsup: for South Park goodness.

 

[Kelvrick]

so wtf was it really asking for.

 

[MrDingleDangle]

Chef's mom: I gave him a dollar.
Thomas: She gave him a dollar.
Chef's mom: I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar.
Thomas: Well of course he's not gonna go away, Nellie! You gave him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more!

 

[MrDingleDangle]

Thomas: And that was the third time we saw the Loch Ness monster. Then one time, I believe it was July-
Nellie: August.
Thomas: -August. There's a knock on the door. I open it, and there's this cute little girl scout-
Nellie: And she was so adorable, with the little pig tails and all.
Thomas: -And she says to me, "How would you like to buy some cookies?" And I said "Well, what kind do you have?" She had thin mints, graham crunchy things-
Nellie: Raisin oatmeal.
Thomas: -Raisin oatmeal, and I said "We'll take a graham crunch. How much will that be?" And she looks at me and she says, "?Uh I need about tree-fitty."
Nellie: ?Tree-fitty.
Thomas: Well, it was about that time that I notice that girl scout was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era.
Nellie: The Loch Ness monster.
Thomas: I said, "Dammit monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't giving you no tree-fitty!" It said, "how about just two-fitty?" I said, "Oh, now it's only two-fitty!! What?! Is there a sale on Loch Ness munchies or something?!"
Nellie: Lord, he was angry.
Thomas: Damn right, I was angry!
Nellie: Not you, the monster. He was about to kick your ass.
Thomas: Aah, shut your mouth, woman!
Stan: Uh, could you just tell Chef we were here?
Thomas: Sure. That crazy old monster [Stan, Kyle, and Kenny walk out] Now, then the fourth time I saw the?

 

[Nohr]

Croc Hunter: "As we steer our boat down, looking for these dangerous predators? Boy, there's a king croc right here. He must be four meters; 12, 13 feet long at least. This croc has enough power in its jaws to rip my head right off."
Kenny: "Mumbles"
Croc Hunter: "I've got to be careful. So, what I'm gonna do is sneak up on it and jam my thumb in its butthole."
Stan: "Holy crap. Dude!"
Croc Hunter: "If I get bit out here, I'm 200 kilometers from the nearest hospital: I'd better be real careful jamming my thumb in its butthole. (Grabs the crocodile) Oh, boy, it's pissed off now."
Kyle: "Go, dude, go!"
Aussie Croc Hunter: "I'm gonna jam my thumb it its butthole now! This should really piss it off! Oh, yeah, that pissed it off, all right!"

 

[BigJ]

Thomas: Oh, I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man. He came running up to me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, and he said, "Poppa, poppa!" I said "What do you need, Chef, my boy?", and he said, "?I need about tree-fitty."
Nellie: ?Tree-fitty.
Thomas: Well, it was about that time I got suspicious. I said, "Chef, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Goo-Goo the dinosaur wants it." I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was the Loch Ness monster!
Nellie: Oh, it was scary!
Thomas: I said, "Dammit monster! You stop bugging my children now! We work for our money in this house and we don't give money away!"

 

[BigJ]

Thomas: [telling his tale to Randy and Sharon] ?And then these aliens had me up on their ship, right? They was probing me and all that.
Nellie: We had taco salad that night.
Thomas: Don't matter what we had for dinner woman! Now this alien had a big head and big black eyes, and it was all bent over me. I said, "What do you want from me, alien?!" and do you know what he said?
Nellie: Tree-fitty.
Thomas: Uh. Let me tell the damn story now! He said, "tree-fitty." And so I realized I that it wasn't no alien, it was that God-damned Loch Ness monster again, trying to trick me into giving him tree-fitty by dressing up like an alien. Don't that just beat all?!
Nellie: I had just given him tree-fitty the week before.
Thomas: What?! You gave that monster another damn tree-fitty?!
Nellie: [somewhat defensive] He tricked me.
Thomas: Well no wonder the damn monster keeps coming back to our house! You keep giving it tree-fitty!

 

[MrDingleDangle]

Nellie: I had just given him tree-fitty the week before.
Thomas: What?! You gave that monster another damn tree-fitty?!
Nellie: [somewhat defensive] He tricked me.
Thomas: Well no wonder the damn monster keeps coming back to our house! You keep giving it tree-fitty!

haha i love that part