Resume feedback

[nageov3t]

I'm applying for a new job for the first time in, well, awhile later today. it's been a long time since I've had to write a resume. just wondering if anyone has any feedback to offer before I submitt it.

(the place where I'm applying as an internal web form to use when applying for jobs, so the formatting of my cut-and-paste job doesn't matter since I'll just be pasting the info into the form fields. salary is one of the fields and they recomend filling out all fields, thus why it's on my resume. I otherwise would not have included it).

job description of the job I'm applying for:

Responsible for preparing Correspondence, for Superintendent at Arlington National Cemetery. Serves as the principal writer-editor in the preparation of personal and official correspondence for the signature of superintendent, ensuring high quality standards are met. Analyzes incoming drafts to ensure completeness of response, appropriate coordination, proper format and logical composition. Edits, revises, or rewrites when necessary the proposed correspondence, ensuring that the substantive content is not distorted, while adhering to the proper tone and style of writing. Performs a variety of miscellaneous administrative support duties such as: responding to callers and visitors and referring them to appropriate sources of information; maintaining and updating office files IAW the MARKS system; maintaining the office reference library of awards and correspondence and other publications, and maintaining suspense files on various directorates.

my hacked-together resume:

Current Company (11/01/2003 - Present) - Data Center Technician
Newark, New Jersey United States
Supervisor: X - (phone number); Contact:No

Salary: X per year
Hours per week: 45
Duties: Build and install internet webservers and networking equipment.
Perform critical server monitoring and maintenance.
Operate a large variety of computer systems and hardware platforms.
Maintain data center infrastructure.

Previous Company (05/01/2003 - 11/01/2003) - Customer Relations and Special Projects Supervisor
Weehawken, New Jersey United States
Supervisor: Y - (phone number); Contact:Yes

Salary: Y per hour
Hours per week: 40
Duties: Supervised a large customer service and sales department.
Trained customer service representatives and field workers in vital customer relations tactics.
Edited letters/emails for content, clarity, and adherence to departmental policies.
Wrote copy for website sales promotions and advertising.
Produced detailed weekly and monthly spreadsheet reports to analyze ridership data and customer feedback.
Managed and programmed company-wide sales/reservation database infrastructure.

Previous Company (05/01/2001 - 01/31/2003) - Customer Relations Administrator
Weehawken, New Jersey United States
Supervisor: Y - (phone number); Contact:Yes

Salary: Z per hour
Hours per week: 40 (summers and holidays)
Duties: Answered telephone calls as a Customer Service Operator.
Wrote approximately 150 letters/e-mails per week, responding to customer complaints and inquiries.
Worked independently in field offices at Battery Park and in Midtown Manhattan.

College/University
Pennsylvania State University (09/01/1999 - 05/01/2003)
State College, Pennsylvania
United States
Degree: BA - Major: English;
GPA: 3.5 Semester Hours: 129

Relevant College Courses:

Composition Usage & Editing
Interpersonal Communications
Literary Criticism
Rhetoric & Writing

Relevant Experiences and Awards:

Winner-Miller Writing Award, 2003
Editorial Staff, "The Crucible," 2000-2003

it's a writing job, thus the reason for my inclusion of relevant college courses, non-work editing experience, and writing awards

 

[Lorn]

What software are you proficient with?

 

[nageov3t]

Originally posted by: NOLOVE
What software are you proficient with?

thanks. I'll have to add that to the misc. section.

 

[Yossarian]

axe salary and hours per week

 

[markgm]

shoot me an email mark at mailscraps.com if you want a copy of mine, without tearing yours apart there are a few things you can change to make it a little better.

I wouldn't be exact with dates, May 2003 - November 2003

I wouldn't personally list a contact for every job, but rather put that information in references.

Don't label duties.

Put everything active, not pass tense.
Worked my ass off for the company
becomes
Working ass of for the company

Take out College University Heading, make it education.

I wouldn't add semester hours, just looking at it I don't know if that is a lot or a little.

I wouldn't add the relevant courses section, they all should "have taught you something" is the BS you spread.

I'd take out the word relevant for your awards too.


afterthoughts - I just presumed this was for a tech job
afterthought 2 - If it's a web form, maybe "-" for bullets so it is easier to read