Resolving leadership style conflicts

[SarcasticDwarf]

I had a question about leadership styles that hopefully AT can provide some input on.



I am a part of a student organization where myself (the vp) and a woman (the president) are having issues.

From mine (and her) perspective I tend to be somewhat aggressive in my approach. I tend to ask who is going to do X item and when as I see it as something that needs to actually be done (rather than just talk about it but decide nothing).

Note here that this is a volunteer organization, not a corporation and that there are a number of serious issues in the department. Also, there are four of us and the other two are for the most part followers.

The issue is that she feels like she can't talk to me or with me there because she feels like she has to defend everything she says to me. "Really, I just want you to listen to me and not ARGUE with me." Yet at the same time she says that she "will never be able to defend myself in an argument with me." She also states that I am incompassionate and that I do not consider others.

Are you seeing the problem?



The two styles tend to be mutually exclusive. I can't say anything without her clamming up, so it ends up being me making the decision. At the same time she can't talk to me.





Thoughts?

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

What are the specific issues you two fight over?

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

Originally posted by: fuzzybabybunny
What are the specific issues you two fight over?

It is not really anything specific that we fight over.

Ex:

At the last meeting we were discussing sending a survey to all of the students. The university has a instruction management system (D2L) that has a survey function. I mentioned that I had a SurveyMonkey account and with it we could e-mail everyone a direct link which would result in a greater response rate because it is one click vs ~7 to get to the internal survey module. She said something like "if we are encouraging users to use the D2L system we should be using that." I replied with the comment that the response rate will certainly be higher with SM because it is a direct link.

That was pretty much it then. The two other people commented that the response rate would probably be better with SM. I then asked when exactly we would be running it (and then asked again when she responded with "sometime soon").


It is more a non argument because she should be leading it but she feels like she is getting shut down by me so she won't even say anything.

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

Why is she leading then? A leader needs to first have operational competency (ie. be able to get things done). Looks like she's not a leader, or even a manager for that matter. She should just be relegated to a follower and give the other two people more responsibility and power to do things. Sure, those two might seem like followers now, but make it clear to them that they're not. Or whatever.

 

[MrChad]

This sounds more like an issue of overstepping your bounds and undermining her authority.

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

Originally posted by: fuzzybabybunny
Why is she leading then? A leader needs to first have operational competency (ie. be able to get things done). Looks like she's not a leader, or even a manager for that matter. She should just be relegated to a follower and give the other two people more responsibility and power to do things. Sure, those two might seem like followers now, but make it clear to them that they're not. Or whatever.

I would agree to that to an extent. I am willing to admit that she gets along with people much better, but at the same time I don't think she is capable of getting stuff done at near the same speed (though she can do it with fewer/no ruffled feathers).

 

[MisterJackson]

Ask her what she thinks you can do to help her with her issue. If she gives no options then it's all on her. If she gives you options and you're actually willing to try them then do so and either it will help you two work better together or it'll help you determine she might just be one of those unsatisfiable bitches.

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

Originally posted by: MrChad
This sounds more like an issue of overstepping your bounds and undermining her authority.

True, but as I noted this is nor a corporation. The officers all have the same authority. Also, I should be taking over as Prez after May, so in theory we should be more or less working together on the same level at this point.

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
Ask her what she thinks you can do to help her with her issue. If she gives no options then it's all on her. If she gives you options and you're actually willing to try them then do so and either it will help you two work better together or it'll help you determine she might just be one of those unsatisfiable bitches.

The two things she mentioned:

* I never want you to disagree with me, I just am requesting that you do so with a particular amount of grace, at least when it comes to me.

* So, if you would stop trying to defend yourself and start working at coming to a point of understanding, then maybe we could actually get something accomplished here.



I am not trying to push her out. This is as much about my own flaws.

 

[yllus]

While there are steps you can take to make her feel more comfortable in speaking her mind, the core problem here is likely that she feels like her position is being usurped and that she has no real power. The truth of it is, it doesn't really sound like she does. There's no way to broach this topic without general warfare following, so you'll just have to hope she does the right thing sooner or later.

In terms of things you can do: Use less definitive sentences and adopt a tone that makes your opinions sound more like questions. Example:

"If we are encouraging users to use the D2L system, we should be using that."

"Agreed, but considering that the response rate for SurveyMonkey will most likely be higher and we really need these responses, maybe we should go with that instead? I guess I can see it both ways, but getting those responses probably wins out. What do you think?"

You don't really care what she thinks, and she knows this too, but she'll be gratified that it sounds like you care about her opinion. Oddly enough this posing works wonders in keeping an organization moving smoothly.

This type of approach also opens up the possibility to her continuing to disagree and perhaps getting her way instead in the end. As part of a management team, you have to be okay with that. Pick your battles - this doesn't sound like one it's critical to win on.

 

[lytalbayre]

I now see you are VP. Therefore, I think you need to respect her position more and employ properly listening techniques, etc. Also, ground rules for your group will be important, as well as establishing how your group makes decisions.

You might want to start by having your group form a small charter so you all understand your main objectives, and then move onto establishing some ground rules (Should include decision making processes and other things like general respect).

As a group you all may also want to review how to listen better, as in not interrupting someone while they are speaking, and not forming a rebuttal until they finish speaking and you've heard their entire point. You should summarize what you heard so the speaker can confirm your understanding. After this, feel free to respond and expect the space respect and listening in return.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

Originally posted by: yllus
While there are steps you can take to make her feel more comfortable in speaking her mind, the core problem here is likely that she feels like her position is being usurped and that she has no real power. The truth of it is, it doesn't really sound like she does. There's no way to broach this topic without general warfare following, so you'll just have to hope she does the right thing sooner or later.

In terms of things you can do: Use less definitive sentences and adopt a tone that makes your opinions sound more like questions. Example:

"If we are encouraging users to use the D2L system, we should be using that."

"Agreed, but considering that the response rate for SurveyMonkey will most likely be higher and we really need these responses, maybe we should go with that instead? I guess I can see it both ways, but getting those responses probably wins out. What do you think?"

You don't really care what she thinks, and she knows this too, but she'll be gratified that it sounds like you care about her opinion. Oddly enough this posing works wonders in keeping an organization moving smoothly.

This type of approach also opens up the possibility to her continuing to disagree and perhaps getting her way instead in the end. As part of a management team, you have to be okay with that. Pick your battles - this doesn't sound like one it's critical to win on.

Exactly. She is the president, which assumes some level of control over the organization. When you, as the vice president, step in and tell the members of the group that you have a better idea, you are usurping any semblance of authority she might have. It's irrelevant that you are theoretically equals in the group; in our vernacular, the president is above the vice president, so you should be (in some way) subservient to her rule.

Posing your comments as a question is a good move. You could also bring up these issues with her in private, not in front of the other members of the group. Act like the idea occurred after the meeting ended or whatever; "Hey, you know, I actually have a SurveyMonkey account, we could get a better response rate," etc., rather than blindsiding her with it in a meeting where she is the figurehead. If she is supposedly running things but you're taking over meetings, that is embarrassing for her, and it will come out in your interpersonal communication dynamic (yes, I'm a comm major; can you tell?).

This is actually a good lesson for you about office politics. Being right is not as important as appeasing upper management. The key is getting upper management to go along with your (correct) ideas, and you won't do this if they feel you are trying to upstage them. You need to make it seem like it's her idea. This comes back to posing something as a question and giving her gentle hints. "We want to maximize our response rate... you know, I did one of these things through survey monkey, and it actually got a good response. Should I look into that as an option?" Get her on your side by giving her control.

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

Thanks guys (especially yllus, lytalbayre, and atomic playboy).

I responded to her latest e-mail. I think it is more about acknowledging the differences in personality. As I see it she is not doing a good job at leading (especially the meetings). The reaction to this is that either nothing happens or I jump in and crush her toes. As I mentioned to her, I think the solution is to both have her work more at being assertive and making decisions which will allow me to go into follower mode while I work to phrase things differently.

 

[JS80]

Be passively aggressive?

 

[videogames101]

She a baby, brutally honest is the way to go, get things done, don't waste time.