Wow, that came out there - I want to thank people for their comments. Even sao123 because it allows me to possibly respond and hopefully open up dialogue. I am not going to say I can change anyone's mind, especially on a web-based anonymous forum. But I will try to put in my two cents.
Growing up, I was the "golden child." My parents have even said if I wasn't as good as I was my younger siblings wouldn't be here. My next oldest brother contracted HIV from a bad transfusion after a tonsilectomy and most of our early childhood focused around his needs. As you can imagine, growing up in the 80s, our family was ostracized, ridiculed, cast out. All because we were the family with the kid with AIDS. Because the focus was primarily on my brother, I laid low. I did what I was told, got good grades and stayed out of trouble, for the most part. By the time I was 8yo I knew I was transgender. I didn't have a name to it, but I stole my mom's clothes. Yep, I crossdressed. Got caught a couple times, which made me really good at hiding it more. Was even called a "freak" by my own mother. There was even a time I strongly debated running away, but eventually I decided to try towing the line. I found overworking and overachieving were ways to control the battle in my head. So, I pushed work hard. Ridiculously hard. Hence the doctor part. I got married and we have 4 kids.
Oftentimes, it's hard to describe what gender dysphoria actually feels like. It sucks. It truly is the last thing I would ever want and I spent 30 years trying ever method I could imagine trying to get rid of it. Some will say it's a war in our heads. Imagine a set of headphones on and nothing but static. Constantly. From morning to night. The noise has moments where it is louder and softer, but it is always there and basically turning the experience into a grind. This is why depression and suicide are so prevalent. We want the noise to go away. For those who are religious, yeah, I prayed constantly to have this go away. Again, spent 30 years trying. Eventually, I realized I couldn't keep up the fight. I was becoming mentally exhausted and yes, suicidal. I came out to my wife and started taking hormone replacement.
The start of hormone therapy was a godsend! For the first time in my life the noise was lessened. It was still there but the relief was palpable. My wife and family immediately noticed a positive difference. As my wife put it, i was more present. Eventually, the physical changes of the hormones caught up to the point there was no sense in hiding who I am and I came out to the world.
So, this is why when people talk to me that I am wrong, I am a freak or whatever, I get mad. This is only a small sampling of my experiences. I could easily write a book of the struggle I went through. Call me a sinner, go ahead. I would rather be looked at as a freak and a sinner than go back to that horrible noise and place that was going on. I won't go there. Yes, the difference is that extreme.