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Relationship with someone who was married before

bigrash

bigrash

Lifer
Would you get involved with someone who was married before?

I've been pretty serious with my girlfriend, but she got too many issues from her past cause she was married and has two kids. It's messed up cause I like her a lot, but I guess part of me doesn't wanna deal with her past problems, so it's time it came to an end.

Well I just wanted to rant cause I'm just mad at the whole situation.
 
Just be careful not to fall into the hero complex, you do not exist to solve someone else's problems. If it gets too heavy, it's time to leave. That's not abandonment...that's ensuring that your sense of self stays preserved and sane.
 
Originally posted by: yllus
Just be careful not to fall into the hero complex, you do not exist to solve someone else's problems. If it gets too heavy, it's time to leave. That's not abandonment...that's ensuring that your sense of self stays preserved and sane.
Click to expand...

True. Very true.
 
Marriage? Of course. Two kids? Uh, only if she's great and the kids are great. Otherwise no because you're obviously getting involved in the entire package, not just her. My age would also depend. I would now, but at 18 I would not have bothered with somebody with a kid no matter how great her and the kid were. Listen to yllus too.
 
It's tough man, but do whatever you're comfortable with. Sometimes we all have to take care of ourselves, because if we don't nobody else will.
 
yllus You're right. but I don't think that I fall in that hero complex. I'm not trying to rescue her or solve her problems or anything like that.

Skoorb I do realize that I'm getting involved with the whole package, and not just her. I think that's something that I realized from the start and the more serious we get, the more I feel I shouldn't go any deeper into it, and that's why I think it's gonna come to an end soon. btw, i'm 26 now and although there's not that much difference from being 18, I don't think I would have put up with any of this back then

Pliablemoose Her ex is not in the picture, except for every other weekend when he picks up and drops off the kids.


Thanks all you guys for your comments.
 
I have been involved with those divorced, still married, with kids and without. The kids are the real work of it all.

For most a divorce was just a breakup and time to move on...if anything it showed they were serious about a relationship at least as opposed to just sleeping through life.

I don't know why everyone thinks a previous marriage causes all these skeleton's in the closet and 'issues'....I had a divorce after almost 5 years of marriage. Do I remember her sometimes? sure, Do I fixate on her constantly? no...not at all....I am happy we moved on, and that's that. Only things I regret were giving up too much in assets and taking on too much in liability/debt esp losing the house I purchased....savings were easy while I lived at home before credit cards, monthly bills, etc.

What it comes down to mostly is that people relate marriage to off the wall sex 24/7....for some that happens, for me and my ex that was the case, almost every gathering we would duck out for a quickie, sometimes on the way to places, and every night/morning....even during the divorce we were still sleeping together.

 
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