• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

relationship question. [update]

M

mrCide

Diamond Member
Yeah, not so much of a problem.. but my girlfriend and I spend a lot of time with each other (just about every day we see each other), and before we started dating, and after a fight yesterday, she told me that she doesn't want to see me *every* day. I understand.. but everyday when i ask her if she wants to do something she says yeah, (i usually pick her up from work and ask her if she wants to go eat or go do something).

So is she just feeling guilty or, what's the deal here, (yeah, try to figure her out right?).. and when is it okay to see your girlfriend everyday? I mean I can see myself marrying this girl (and she's told me the same) but how could we if she doesn't want to see me every day? Very difficult situation to deal with =\. any advice?
 
There's a difference between living day to day life with someone and the artificial "let's go do something" mentality that comes with dating.

I wouldn't draw any conclusions based on that, I'd probably get annoyed with doing sh!t every day too.

Plus, as has already been said you were fighting with her...

I wouldn't worry about it at all.

Viper GTS
 
It sounds similar to the problems my wife and I had before getting married. We were both quite young when we started dating (me 17, her 15). After a few years we both knew we wanted to get married, and spent nearly every free moment together. Suddenly out of the blue during a small argument, she said we needed time off. To me it made no sense since we were great together and we both knew we would be married someday. Basically, in hindsight, I see that she was scared of the future. She was frightened about starting college, leaving her parents, moving to a different city, parting with her friends, etc. Any idea of a major change like marriage was just too much for her. So her way of dealing with all that stress was to push me away. Of course she later dealt with all those other problems and was quite happy to have me back in her life - for good this time.

I don't know if what you are going through is similar, but it certainly reminded me of my past. My best advice: it is hard, but give her a little room. She probably has some issues to deal with, and she wants to be able to work them out on her own. After she is done, she'll come running back to you - if it was meant to be. If it is not meant to be, well at least it didn't drag on further. It'll be a tough couple of months, but you'll be better off for it.
 
How long have you been together?

Give her space...more than she asked for. She will be begging for more time.
 
Tell her that she needs to let you know what she wants, tell her she is allowed to take control if she wants.
Sometimes (I find) girls don't always want to say something that might be seen as offensive, such as not wantin gto see you all the time, so they put up, then get upset because of it. Tell her you're there to listen to anythign she wants to say.
 
Originally posted by: Lonyo
Tell her that she needs to let you know what she wants, tell her she is allowed to take control if she wants.
Sometimes (I find) girls don't always want to say something that might be seen as offensive, such as not wantin gto see you all the time, so they put up, then get upset because of it. Tell her you're there to listen to anythign she wants to say.
Click to expand...

kinda sounds like what i told her last night after we made up.. to the rest of ya thanks for the advice..

we've been seeing each other for a couple months, dating for 1.. i know its silly to be worked up over so little time, but she's amazing.. 🙂
 
The long and the short of it is that le hate ourselves and don't know it. When we get into a relationship the world looks full of roses because finally somebody is contradicting that feeling, telling us that we are loveable and worth something after all. Then we get over the initial bump and that old feeling starts creeping back. It's test time. Does he she really love me. Lets leak a bit of our worst side out and see what happens. Oh look, a fight. See they don't really love me. I knew that anyway because I'm the worst in the world. Push a bit more. I've got to save that poor sap partner of mine from my horrible useless life with me. Anybody that loves me is a fool. Get away. Come here, I can't stand it, get away. Your love makes me feel how bad I feel because I cannot believe it or accept it.

What most people do is reach an accommodation.

What may be possible for an individual is to get into a situation where it may be possible to do some work exploring our feelings, first of all getting some awareness of what we actually are feeling, and then deeper and deeper back to where they began in some great lie that there was something wrong with us.
 
Originally posted by: mrCide
Originally posted by: Lonyo Tell her that she needs to let you know what she wants, tell her she is allowed to take control if she wants. Sometimes (I find) girls don't always want to say something that might be seen as offensive, such as not wantin gto see you all the time, so they put up, then get upset because of it. Tell her you're there to listen to anythign she wants to say.
Click to expand...
kinda sounds like what i told her last night after we made up.. to the rest of ya thanks for the advice.. we've been seeing each other for a couple months, dating for 1.. i know its silly to be worked up over so little time, but she's amazing.. 🙂
Click to expand...

Dont worry, just relax and dont think too much about the fight. Next time you see her, maybe cook dinner and have a nice candle light dinner, or picnic at the park? Dont talk about the fight either .. show her you care but not too much, always keep her begging you for more 😀
 
Originally posted by: Moonbeam
The long and the short of it is that le hate ourselves and don't know it. When we get into a relationship the world looks full of roses because finally somebody is contradicting that feeling, telling us that we are loveable and worth something after all. Then we get over the initial bump and that old feeling starts creeping back. It's test time. Does he she really love me. Lets leak a bit of our worst side out and see what happens. Oh look, a fight. See they don't really love me. I knew that anyway because I'm the worst in the world. Push a bit more. I've got to save that poor sap partner of mine from my horrible useless life with me. Anybody that loves me is a fool. Get away. Come here, I can't stand it, get away. Your love makes me feel how bad I feel because I cannot believe it or accept it.

What most people do is reach an accommodation.

What may be possible for an individual is to get into a situation where it may be possible to do some work exploring our feelings, first of all getting some awareness of what we actually are feeling, and then deeper and deeper back to where they began in some great lie that there was something wrong with us.
Click to expand...

You should write a book
 
ok i dunno if anyone's still reading this thread but..

yesterday we had a long talk about our relationship and how we felt.. she's convinced she wants to be with me forever (and i aswell.. believe it or not).. but for some reason she doesn't believe me.. she has doubt about it. she wants to solve this doubt by breaking up with me for a day.. a week.. maybe longer.. and see how i feel after.. i honestly don't understand the point of this because i already know how i'll feel (i've waited for her before.. when she wasnt single).. anyway.. part of me thinks its just some girl thing.. the other thing believes she wants to go out and be with someone else guilt free (maybe test to see if ill still want to be with her after she's been with someone else and thats 'true love').. i mean after everything she had told me about wanting to be with me and loving me i find it hard to believe she'd do that but then i think why the hell else does she want to break up, (she says exactly: to see if she's just a 'first love and/or obsessive crush' or a 'real love'). i know in a week im still going to want her.. so how can that determine anything? *sigh* what's wrong with girls?
 
Originally posted by: mrCide
Yeah, not so much of a problem.. but my girlfriend and I spend a lot of time with each other (just about every day we see each other), and before we started dating, and after a fight yesterday, she told me that she doesn't want to see me *every* day. I understand.. but everyday when i ask her if she wants to do something she says yeah, (i usually pick her up from work and ask her if she wants to go eat or go do something).

So is she just feeling guilty or, what's the deal here, (yeah, try to figure her out right?).. and when is it okay to see your girlfriend everyday? I mean I can see myself marrying this girl (and she's told me the same) but how could we if she doesn't want to see me every day? Very difficult situation to deal with =\. any advice?
Click to expand...

I am very independent and found it hard at first to see my husband every day (when we were dating). So she could just be like that. It worked out well .I tell him when I need alone time and he respects that, and I make sure I don't neglect him 😉

 
Originally posted by: mrCide
ok i dunno if anyone's still reading this thread but..

yesterday we had a long talk about our relationship and how we felt.. she's convinced she wants to be with me forever (and i aswell.. believe it or not).. but for some reason she doesn't believe me.. she has doubt about it. she wants to solve this doubt by breaking up with me for a day.. a week.. maybe longer.. and see how i feel after.. i honestly don't understand the point of this because i already know how i'll feel (i've waited for her before.. when she wasnt single).. anyway.. part of me thinks its just some girl thing.. the other thing believes she wants to go out and be with someone else guilt free (maybe test to see if ill still want to be with her after she's been with someone else and thats 'true love').. i mean after everything she had told me about wanting to be with me and loving me i find it hard to believe she'd do that but then i think why the hell else does she want to break up, (she says exactly: to see if she's just a 'first love and/or obsessive crush' or a 'real love'). i know in a week im still going to want her.. so how can that determine anything? *sigh* what's wrong with girls?
Click to expand...

That's rather strange.... Sorry, no advice here.... but you have my sympathy.

 
I understand your continued confusion. I answered your question, but I understand it was maybe not what you wanted to think about.
 
Originally posted by: mrCide
ok i dunno if anyone's still reading this thread but..

yesterday we had a long talk about our relationship and how we felt.. she's convinced she wants to be with me forever (and i aswell.. believe it or not).. but for some reason she doesn't believe me.. she has doubt about it. she wants to solve this doubt by breaking up with me for a day.. a week.. maybe longer.. and see how i feel after.. i honestly don't understand the point of this because i already know how i'll feel (i've waited for her before.. when she wasnt single).. anyway.. part of me thinks its just some girl thing.. the other thing believes she wants to go out and be with someone else guilt free (maybe test to see if ill still want to be with her after she's been with someone else and thats 'true love').. i mean after everything she had told me about wanting to be with me and loving me i find it hard to believe she'd do that but then i think why the hell else does she want to break up, (she says exactly: to see if she's just a 'first love and/or obsessive crush' or a 'real love'). i know in a week im still going to want her.. so how can that determine anything? *sigh* what's wrong with girls?
Click to expand...

My girlfriend did something similar back in June (ya know, back when she still liked me). She wanted a week. She decided this at 11PM. Guess who got a voicemail at 1PM the next day, complete with sobbing and begging to not have to be alone? I highly highly doubt she won't last the whole week.
 
Originally posted by: Moonbeam
The long and the short of it is that le hate ourselves and don't know it. When we get into a relationship the world looks full of roses because finally somebody is contradicting that feeling, telling us that we are loveable and worth something after all. Then we get over the initial bump and that old feeling starts creeping back. It's test time. Does he she really love me. Lets leak a bit of our worst side out and see what happens. Oh look, a fight. See they don't really love me. I knew that anyway because I'm the worst in the world. Push a bit more. I've got to save that poor sap partner of mine from my horrible useless life with me. Anybody that loves me is a fool. Get away. Come here, I can't stand it, get away. Your love makes me feel how bad I feel because I cannot believe it or accept it.

What most people do is reach an accommodation.

What may be possible for an individual is to get into a situation where it may be possible to do some work exploring our feelings, first of all getting some awareness of what we actually are feeling, and then deeper and deeper back to where they began in some great lie that there was something wrong with us.
Click to expand...
wow.

damn.

mrCide, try and give her space, maybe for her sake, but alot for your sake. its dangerous to become too attached too soon. if you can get to the point that it isn't killing you if you don't see her, then no matter what she throws your way, it will lessen the blow. Just a thought....
 
Originally posted by: mrCide
ok i dunno if anyone's still reading this thread but..

yesterday we had a long talk about our relationship and how we felt.. she's convinced she wants to be with me forever (and i aswell.. believe it or not).. but for some reason she doesn't believe me.. she has doubt about it. she wants to solve this doubt by breaking up with me for a day.. a week.. maybe longer.. and see how i feel after.. i honestly don't understand the point of this because i already know how i'll feel (i've waited for her before.. when she wasnt single).. anyway.. part of me thinks its just some girl thing.. the other thing believes she wants to go out and be with someone else guilt free (maybe test to see if ill still want to be with her after she's been with someone else and thats 'true love').. i mean after everything she had told me about wanting to be with me and loving me i find it hard to believe she'd do that but then i think why the hell else does she want to break up, (she says exactly: to see if she's just a 'first love and/or obsessive crush' or a 'real love'). i know in a week im still going to want her.. so how can that determine anything? *sigh* what's wrong with girls?
Click to expand...

What can i say..we are crazy.
Did you ever hear that old saying...let them go. If they come back then you know that they love you. Its true. What it looks like to me is that she is testing you to see if you still will love her. After dating only a few months and coming to the conclusion that you wanna marry her/she wants to marry you is pretty intense. Don't give up.
I do hope everything works out for you. How old are you BTW???
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top