Rejected

[pontifex]

I sent two poems to an online E-zine for publication and got rejected. I guess I shouldn't be too disappointed considering they were the first two poems I had ever written.

They liked the content but thought they were too amateurish (although I thought the e-zine was for amateurs, considering they posted on another forum asking for people to submit stuff ) and that I needed to read more poetry and learn flow and punctuation.

I'm not sure what they meant by punctuation though. I didn't use periods but there was other punctuation. Most poetry I've read didn't have that kind of punctuation.

Oh well.

 

[Leros]

Post them

 

[Mucho]

[Homer] Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.[/Homer]

 

[FoBoT]

So when it?s dark outside
And you?re missing me
Just try to remember
I?m in a better place, baby

I?ll be chillin? out with Chuck
I?ll be sleeping in till three
Bowing my head,
saying a prayer,
with wild sea wind,
blowing through my hair
I?ll be happy, baby

 

[Jeff7]

I think the only punctuation I've seen in poems has been exclamation or question marks. Very few periods, if any.



And, for no reason, the best poem ever: (not written by me, of course)


OMG HI2U
WTFBBQ
I wrote this poem
Just for you
WTFBBQ

 

[buck]

Originally posted by: Leros
Post them

:thumbsup:

 

[Epic Fail]

You tried.
You failed.
Die in a fire now.

 

[pontifex]

Oh, and when I sent the email submission, I had said that I was an amateur at it, which they told me never to do. I was just sending them in to see what would happen and like I said, I figured it was more of a amateur type e-zine so I didn't think it would matter.

Here are the poems:



Imagination

I have traveled many a land and many a world
Yet I have never left the comforts of my home
Like the sails of a ship, my mind unfurled
My imagination is left to wander and roam

I?ve sailed the seas
And stalked great plains
I?ve slept among tall old trees
And explored wondrous cities and their dark remains

Through burning deserts I have trekked
And rode the wind upon winged beasts
Innumerable peoples do I recollect
With whom I?ve joined in battles and feasts

Though my body has not traveled far
My mind does not stay long in one place
For I have lived among the stars
In that great void called outer space

If my imagination were to ever leave me
I should wither and die
What better place to ever want to be
Than that place in my mind?s eye?






Castle of Solitude

As the sun sets and darkness falls
Shadows dance upon the walls
On the wind a spirit calls
Through these empty castle halls

Abandoned it is, though we don?t know why
Perhaps the land became quite dry
Perchance a plague caused its dwellers to die
Shall we never know what this vacancy may imply?

Who was the man that would be king
Whose crest is an eagle with outspread wing?
Of this man, do the bards still sing?
We may never know this thing

Though man is gone, others seek shelter here
The spider spins her web upon the chandelier
Mice build their nests without a fear
A pigeon roosts upon a long doused brazier

As life moves on we must not forget
Those who have come before and those not yet
For their stories are of blood, tears, and sweat
To inspire us, though we have not met

Though many things may be construed
About this place where life was hewed
In the end we can?t conclude
What has happened in this castle of solitude

 

[RichUK]

Start each line with a capital letter; End each line with a comma.

 

[imported_LoKe]

Comma's don't belong in the middle of a line, afaik. That's what the line breaks are supposed to be for.

 

[RichUK]

And end each paragraph with a full stop (period).

 

[MrPickins]

I thought this thread was going to be about "Rejected".

 

[ThePresence]

Poetry is not written with normal sentences. It has to flow.
I edited your first poem slightly, to make it flow better.
It still needs alot of help.

I have traveled many lands and many worlds
But never left the comforts of home
Like the sails of a ship, my mind unfurls
My imagination wanders and roams

I?ve sailed the seas
And stalked great plains
Slept among tall trees
And explored dark remains

Through burning deserts I have trekked
Rode the wind on winged beasts
Innumerable peoples I recollect
Whom I?ve joined in battles and feasts

Though my body has not traveled far
My mind does not stay long in one place
For I have lived among the stars
In outer space

If my imagination were to ever leave me
I would wither and die
What better place to ever want to be
Than in my mind?s eye?

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

Honestly, it's just too common. You get shit like this up the freaking wazoo in sophomore creative writing classes where every sensitive loner can think of fifteen hundred phrases involving shadows to portray their sense of loneliness......and it's not hard for the emo posers to steal it.....and the nerds to emulate it.....and even for the jocks to fake it.

Think of poetry as this thing that is comprised of every poem ever written. Now see yourself sitting there with a pen about to contribute to it. What can you freaking write about that won't be lost in the crowd? And if you are going to cover a common theme, do it with newness and originality.

 

[Soundmanred]

I think that Hero pretty much nailed it. It's just too common. It really needs to be original (which is difficult!) and personal most of all.

 

[mordantmonkey]

pretty much if you ever write a line that sounds like something you've heard before: trash it.
It's better to state things simply than to bury the realness of being with effusive, and cliched sentiments.
it can be difficult to state complex emotions in a simple manner, but it is one of the most effective ways to communicate them.

 

[uhohs]

is that first poem about WoW?

 

[mordantmonkey]

Originally posted by: uhohs
is that first poem about WoW?

lol i was thinking the same thing but didn't want to say it.
i think it is half about wow, and half about how wow influences his imagination

 

[uhohs]

 

[uhohs]

just read the second one again, i think it's about WoW too. <_<

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: uhohs
is that first poem about WoW?

neither one has anything to do with WoW

 

[uhohs]

too bad, you could probably win some blizzard contest with it. lol. :Q

 

[PingSpike]

I don't think the serious stuff is your forte. Try writing some haiku's about farts or herpes. A haiku about herpes always knocks 'em dead.

Seriously, I agree with Hero though.

 

[Eeezee]

People who write poetry have been rejected from LIFE. Go put on some black lipstick and eyeliner and then kill yourself. It's the only way you'll ever feel better.

But more seriously, I didn't enjoy either poem very much... poems have very little content, so you need to capture the reader's attention immediately. You didn't accomplish that (with me, anyway).

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: Eeezee
People who write poetry have been rejected from LIFE. Go put on some black lipstick and eyeliner and then kill yourself. It's the only way you'll ever feel better.

But more seriously, I didn't enjoy either poem very much... poems have very little content, so you need to capture the reader's attention immediately. You didn't accomplish that (with me, anyway).

you're an idiot if you feel that way about people who write poetry or just poetry in general. sure, you've got those kinds of people but to generalize like that is just plain stupid. i'm not even close to being one of those people.

neither of those poems had anything to do with being sad, lonely, emo, depressed, or anything remotely close.

I also did say these are the very first two poems I have ever written in my life. I only wrote one other poem after those and it was a light hearted funny poem for halloween.