Regale us with tales of when you have wet the bed as an adult

[shortylickens]

Never, not even when sloppy drunk.
Cant recall ever doing it as a kid, either.

For all my issues, my neurosis and psychosis and depression, bed piss is not a problem for me.
In fact that and near perfect hearing are probably my only virtues.

 

[zinfamous]

Not I, surprisingly enough.

But a buddy of mine did that a few times during the college years. One time, he was at least decent enough to stand up in bed and piss onto the floor, rather than into the bed. beats walking the extra five feet to his toilet, I guess.

 

[SlitheryDee]

Does peeing on a hooker on a bed count?

Only if she made you pay extra for the privilege.

 

[thegimp03]

Not I.

On a study abroad trip in college, a guy that I was on the trip with stayed at a hostel in Dublin on the 2nd bunk bed, ended up getting hammered and pissed himself so bad that pee leaked through the mattress and onto the girl (who was also a classmate) below him.

 

[Jeff7]

Some of the people in here are either liars or haven't lived.

A time from now, as I lay dying in a particularly comfortable ditch, I will express my regrets to those around me (ATOT members, I'm sure).
Among the regrets, surely the most biting and painful would be that I had not peed in more unusual locales than I had.
I would die, with so many places having never experienced my urine. So many opportunities, just pissed away.

I only hope that I may die with a full bladder, for a chance at one final hurrah from beyond the grave.

 

[pcgeek11]

Come on, everyone has done it at least once. Mine was after a night out after work down the pub.

Crashed round a mates house when he was still living at his parent's house. I woke up and right away something felt wrong - my jeans were soaking wet and I thought "Oh bloody hell".

It was still early so I had a plan to sneak downstairs and grab a glass of water, pour it over the bed and make it look as if I had just spilled some water. So I crept downstairs and my mates' mum was there in the kitchen making a cup of tea. I just said 'morning', grabbed a cup of water and went back upstairs.

Poured the water over the sheets, some on the floor and left the cup on it's side on the bed. Opened the window a little bit in case of a smell and then crept out of the house.

I deposited my soaking wet boxer shorts in someone's bin.

Looks like you're alone with your piss soaked mattress. You poor bastard!

 

[shortylickens]

A time from now, as I lay dying in a particularly comfortable ditch, I will express my regrets to those around me (ATOT members, I'm sure).
Among the regrets, surely the most biting and painful would be that I had not peed in more unusual locales than I had.
I would die, with so many places having never experienced my urine. So many opportunities, just pissed away.

I only hope that I may die with a full bladder, for a chance at one final hurrah from beyond the grave.

I peed off the back of a Ticonderoga cruiser at 30 knots.

 

[Proprioceptive]

I'm actually a big story with my high school marching band... even 10 years after graduating. When I was a freshman, we had our school spirit athletic show off event before the year started and the marching band was going to perform the first song of our show (since that was clearly all we'd learned so far). I REALLY had to take a piss near the end of our rehearsal and was getting ready to head inside to relieve myself when the call to attention happened. For some reason, I was too chicken to tell the director I needed to take a piss, so I stood there in position for about 5 more minutes and then our director had us march on to the field. I tried to think about anything but taking a piss, and at that point I felt I could get through this. Well, we march out to the track and I then notice that there is still 7 minutes in the half left... at this point I lose all hope. I'm standing there at attention trying my absolute best to concentrate on individual blades of grass... lines on the track... anything at all to keep my mind off my bulging bladder. About 1 minute before our director has us march on to the field, I heard someone spill a soda in the stands. That was it. I couldn't do it anymore. I had two choices... make a run for it and look like an idiot or just take it like a man and try to pretend nothing happened. I chose the latter. Next thing you know i can hear our tuba line behind me freak out with one of my friends whispering... "oh my god! It's splashing on my leg!!" The relief I felt in that moment far surpassed any embarrassment. My best friend who was in position right next to me didn't even flinch. One saving grace was the fact that we were wearing our practice mesh shorts and t-shirts. We performed our number, marched off the field and gathered on the large "N" rock formation at the end zone. By that point I was pretty much dry. Word had now spread throughout the ranks and next thing you know, my section leader, the band director, and the drum major walk up to me shaking their heads. My band director said... and I quote, "Jordan, as embarrassing as I can imagine that was, I have to say... I'm damn impressed you didn't even flinch from the position of attention the whole time." Then he laughed and said I would forever live on in the marching band lore at that school. My friend who caught some splash walked up to me and punched me in the shoulder.

Oh, and I began dating my first girlfriend in high school that night... whoever knew that this story would be such a great pickup line!

 

[AMCRambler]

I sharted once trying to fart into the microphone on Xbox live

 

[CZroe]

Anyone ever post a thread thinking that everyone else would go along and then no one actually does? Yeah, me neither...

Looks like you're alone with your piss soaked mattress. You poor bastard!

Nope.

I'll go ahead and admit that it's happened to me almost once out of every few years of my adult life. It's been about 4 years this time (knock on wood).

Never had a drop of alcohol, illegal drugs, or serious medication. Usually had lucid dreams or been on an extreme sleep deficit that prevented me from waking up.

For some reason my dog prefers to go on the bed if he's locked inside with too much to drink and was too excited to go at his last opportunity (happened a few times in the year I have owned him). I'll probably blame him if it happens again.

 

[CZroe]

I'm actually a big story with my high school marching band... even 10 years after graduating. When I was a freshman, we had our school spirit athletic show off event before the year started and the marching band was going to perform the first song of our show (since that was clearly all we'd learned so far). I REALLY had to take a piss near the end of our rehearsal and was getting ready to head inside to relieve myself when the call to attention happened. For some reason, I was too chicken to tell the director I needed to take a piss, so I stood there in position for about 5 more minutes and then our director had us march on to the field. I tried to think about anything but taking a piss, and at that point I felt I could get through this. Well, we march out to the track and I then notice that there is still 7 minutes in the half left... at this point I lose all hope. I'm standing there at attention trying my absolute best to concentrate on individual blades of grass... lines on the track... anything at all to keep my mind off my bulging bladder. About 1 minute before our director has us march on to the field, I heard someone spill a soda in the stands. That was it. I couldn't do it anymore. I had two choices... make a run for it and look like an idiot or just take it like a man and try to pretend nothing happened. I chose the latter. Next thing you know i can hear our tuba line behind me freak out with one of my friends whispering... "oh my god! It's splashing on my leg!!" The relief I felt in that moment far surpassed any embarrassment. My best friend who was in position right next to me didn't even flinch. One saving grace was the fact that we were wearing our practice mesh shorts and t-shirts. We performed our number, marched off the field and gathered on the large "N" rock formation at the end zone. By that point I was pretty much dry. Word had now spread throughout the ranks and next thing you know, my section leader, the band director, and the drum major walk up to me shaking their heads. My band director said... and I quote, "Jordan, as embarrassing as I can imagine that was, I have to say... I'm damn impressed you didn't even flinch from the position of attention the whole time." Then he laughed and said I would forever live on in the marching band lore at that school. My friend who caught some splash walked up to me and punched me in the shoulder.

Oh, and I began dating my first girlfriend in high school that night... whoever knew that this story would be such a great pickup line!

When I was much younger I was at a friend's house with another neighborhood kid who said something to get us out of the friend's room while he was closed in the closet standing the toy box. I think he started a game of hide-and-seek and volunteered to be "it" or something, but he was not locked in the closet. In fact, the door was still wide open when we left the room. Anyway, we came back and found him urinating in a shoe that was also in the toy box. I still don't understand because he had to be about 12 or 13 years old and the friend had a functional toilet. It's like he wanted to do it for some reason.

 

[chusteczka]

I peed off the back of a Ticonderoga cruiser at 30 knots.

That's cool.
I peed over Niagara Falls once, standing as close to the edge as I dared. It was 4:30am and the public bathrooms were locked. I have always wanted to tell someone about that but it never came up in normal conversation before now.

====
On a submarine, we have a sanitary tank that collects the pee and poop. When a submarine is under water, the liquid waste needs to be a higher pressure than the water at the depth we are at in order to dump it overboard. For this purpose, we have a positive-displacement pump and the ability to pressurize the tank with air to "blow" the sanitaries overboard.

One time, we were 300-400 feet (100 meters) below the surface and a shipmate received permission to blow the sanitaries overboard. He walked through the boat and hung signs in the heads to warn people not to operate the ball valve that flushes the toilets since the tank was pressurized. If someone did flush the toilet, it would spray back at them due to the pressure in the tank.

Hanging the signs often takes an hour or so due to having to wait for people in the head to quit and get out. After hanging the signs, he started pressurizing the tank. During this time, the boat went up to periscope depth, checked for surface traffic, and then proceeded to periscope depth. From periscope depth, the boat then surfaced. Surfacing the boat required other duties so he left the tank pressurization to attend to them.

The Officer Of the Deck (OOD) went up into the bridge in the sail and took a lookout and a third person with him.

http://www.perch-base.org/glossary.htm#B

Once safely surfaced, my shipmate was able to return to the activity of blowing the sanitary waste overboard, except the pressure gauge was stuck showing a low pressure, and we were now surfaced, requiring very little pressure above atmospheric pressure to blow the waste overboard.

He opened the outboard valve with the intention of allowing the waste to blow gently overboard but with the tank being overpressurized it blew out at high velocity into the air thirty feet high, soaking everyone in the bridge in waste, including the OOD.

Apparently, the OOD had authorized the blowing sanitaries overboard and the Captain ordered the OOD to surface the ship before the blow could be completed. The OOD forgot about blowing the sanitaries and my shipmate forgot the pressure he originally pressurized the tank to.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

I used to when I was in elementary and middle school, but outgrew it. That was around the same time I stopped lighting things on fire and torturing small animals.

 

[Ichinisan]

That's cool.
I peed over Niagara Falls once, standing as close to the edge as I dared. It was 4:30am and the public bathrooms were locked. I have always wanted to tell someone about that but it never came up in normal conversation before now.

====
On a submarine, we have a sanitary tank that collects the pee and poop. When a submarine is under water, the liquid waste needs to be a higher pressure than the water at the depth we are at in order to dump it overboard. For this purpose, we have a positive-displacement pump and the ability to pressurize the tank with air to "blow" the sanitaries overboard.

One time, we were 300-400 feet (100 meters) below the surface and a shipmate received permission to blow the sanitaries overboard. He walked through the boat and hung signs in the heads to warn people not to operate the ball valve that flushes the toilets since the tank was pressurized. If someone did flush the toilet, it would spray back at them due to the pressure in the tank.

Hanging the signs often takes an hour or so due to having to wait for people in the head to quit and get out. After hanging the signs, he started pressurizing the tank. During this time, the boat went up to periscope depth, checked for surface traffic, and then proceeded to periscope depth. From periscope depth, the boat then surfaced. Surfacing the boat required other duties so he left the tank pressurization to attend to them.

The Officer Of the Deck (OOD) went up into the bridge in the sail and took a lookout and a third person with him.

http://www.perch-base.org/glossary.htm#B

Once safely surfaced, my shipmate was able to return to the activity of blowing the sanitary waste overboard, except the pressure gauge was stuck showing a low pressure, and we were now surfaced, requiring very little pressure above atmospheric pressure to blow the waste overboard.

He opened the outboard valve with the intention of allowing the waste to blow gently overboard but with the tank being overpressurized it blew out at high velocity into the air thirty feet high, soaking everyone in the bridge in waste, including the OOD.

Apparently, the OOD had authorized the blowing sanitaries overboard and the Captain ordered the OOD to surface the ship before the blow could be completed. The OOD forgot about blowing the sanitaries and my shipmate forgot the pressure he originally pressurized the tank to.

Awesome.