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Redneck logic...

B

BigToque

Lifer
Redneck Logic

Two rednecks met in a bar and agreed that they weren't going anywhere in life, so they decided to go to college in order to get ahead. So they hop in a pickup truck and drive to the nearest college. While the second one waits out in the hall, the first goes into one of the rooms and finds a professor, who advises him to take math, history and logic.

"What's logic?" asked the first redneck.

The professor replied, "Let me give you an example: Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do," grinned the redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe.

The professor continued, "Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."

Impressed, the redneck shouted, "Amazin'!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"Betty Mae... this is incredible!" (The redneck is catching on.)

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," says the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I can't wait to take this here logic class."

The first redneck, grinning ear to ear with pride at the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" the friend asked.

"Math, history and logic," replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his new friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?"

"No," his friend replied.

"You're gay, aren't ya?"

 
Originally posted by: Stefan
Redneck Logic

Two rednecks met in a bar and agreed that they weren't going anywhere in life, so they decided to go to college in order to get ahead. So they hop in a pickup truck and drive to the nearest college. While the second one waits out in the hall, the first goes into one of the rooms and finds a professor, who advises him to take math, history and logic.

"What's logic?" asked the first redneck.

The professor replied, "Let me give you an example: Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do," grinned the redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe.




The professor continued, "Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."

Impressed, the redneck shouted, "Amazin'!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"Betty Mae... this is incredible!" (The redneck is catching on.)

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," says the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I can't wait to take this here logic class."

The first redneck, grinning ear to ear with pride at the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" the friend asked.

"Math, history and logic," replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his new friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?"

"No," his friend replied.

"You're gay, aren't ya?"
Click to expand...


rednecks are rarely interesting and never funnay
 
A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her." "Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. "Well," said Ed, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."
 
Originally posted by: azazyel
A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her." "Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. "Well," said Ed, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."
Click to expand...

Concided this one STOLEN! 😉
 
One day, while on vacation in the big city, two rednecks, Bubba and Daryl, leave their hotel to have dinner. Tired and hungry, they decide to stop in at a kosher deli.

After having a seat, they ask the waitress what the house specialty is. She replies that it's matzo ball soup.

A few minutes later, the waitress brings the bowls of soup to Bubba and Daryl. They've never seen anything quite like this, but being hungry, they quickly eat the soup.

After they finish, the waiter arrives.

"How did you like your soup?" she asks.

To which Bubba zings: "Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me... do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?"
 
The judge asked the redneck "Why did you shoot your wife?"
The redneck said "Because she was farking my best friend."
The judge asked "Well then what did you do to your best friend?"
The redneck replied "I swatted him with a newspaper and said 'bad dog.'"
 
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