Reasons why anyone should get married

[DisgruntledVirus]

First off, freesia39 I'm not attacking you, nor am I saying your wrong for your choices you have made. You seem to be happy with them, which is what is important. This is all just to have an intelligent discussion about marriage, so please don't take anything that I may say personally because it's not meant to be personal.

Originally posted by: freesia39
That's the thing though - you care about YOU. YOUR personal well being. YOUR own future. You're not thinking also about the other person you are with, you are too busy worrying about how they're going to screw you over and how legally, it has been set up for them to do so. Granted, I don't make as much as my husband, but I didn't get into the relationship rubbing my hands together going "YES! I'LL POP OUT A KID AND I'LL HAVE 18 YEARS OF CHILD SUPPORT MUHAHAHA." I was with him when we were both poor, one person working, the other in school, and we already lived through a lot of life changes and are willing to live through more together.

Correct. I worry about myself and my future. Part of it's how I was raised, and part if it is because I believe that the only person I know for sure is looking out for me and my best interests is myself. I realize that part of marriage is the realization (or whatever) that somebody else wants to look out for me and for me to do the same with them. I don't think that the legal contract is needed for that however.

I realize that most girls aren't going sweet I'll marry this dude live with him for a few years, then divorce him and get income for x years!! Unfortunately there are some that are, and I have no way of knowing their true intentions. Sure I may feel that they won't, but in reality I might not realize it or they do a good job of hiding that's their goal.

I just want to ensure that I get out of life what I want to get out of life. I only live once, and I don't know if I want to risk what I want my life to be for that. I don't want to look back at my life and regret getting married, because if only I hadn't made that decision I could have had a happier/more fulfilling life. Is that selfish? Maybe, but when dealing with something as important as the one life I have (unless those pesky buddhists are right ) I don't want to screw it up

Any relationship you get into will have risks. You can't eliminate them all, and if you do, you just might find yourself lonely. Or ostracized from the parts of society that believe people should get married. If you're going to not get into a relationship because 15 years from now, you might be laid off and you can't continue to afford that lifestyle, to ME personally, it's a sad way to look at life as nothing but pitfalls.

The risks of marriage, and the risks of a relationship are different. Marriage has legal/social/financial risks. A serious relationship, only has emotional risks. That is one thing I do consider, that marriage is the social norm and if I don't get married then I can be looked at as hes gay/somethings wrong with him which could affect my future in the career I end up getting into. I wish it wasn't that way, but unfortunately it is.

But I'm an eternal optimist. I don't let things get in my way or bother me. I deal with them. The scenario you proposed has you not dealing with them. Then just don't deal. But don't break down why other people want to get married.

I'm very logical/rational. I have a very unique way of looking at things (or so I've been told). I deal with things, but why wouldn't I try to prevent the situation where I'd have to deal with it in the first place?

I've always wanted to get married (and only one time at that) and for me, if it is a relationship where it won't head that way, it would be really difficult to want to stay with someone that doesn't share that point of view. You have to find someone that does. Why? Probably it was indoctrinated in me, probably because my parents in their traditional views were tired of me living with the hubs without being married and it reflected badly on them (lame, I know but not the reason we got married), probably because I wanted a wedding... but I just wanted to continue spending my life with the dude. I roll with the punches. I also can't control the other person.

There is an appeal to me to be like my grandparents were (married 55+ years), but realistically I see them as a rarity and from an earlier generation that believed more in the ideals of marriage. Today most people see marriage as a throwaway deal, and don't want to work at it. My gf and I agree on basically everything (as far as life views and such), and want the same things out of life with marriage being the one exception. She understands to a point though, and is okay with waiting. She would like to now, but she will wait (a reasonable amount of time). She is the girl I would marry if I decide that marriage is worth it.

It just seems to all boil down to control. If you can't control everything, then don't get married. When dealing with a second person, there are bound to be opinions you won't agree with. But you also don't rush out and marry the first bozo off the street. I was with the guy six years before we got married. We were together for over 5 before we got engaged. The first two years probably didn't count in many people's eyes because were still undergrads in college.

I don't make sense, I feel like I'm rambling.

It does boil down to control, but marriage seems to have one party trying to control their SO (i.e. marry me or we are over stuff). I think we all agree that marriages based on ultimatums like that are wrong, but I think that most men feel pressured into getting married.

 

[dquan97]

Seems like there are lots of ppl here who seriously need to talk to a counselor. For me, the reasons are:

- I wanted to make a public covenant (not a contract) to love and take care of her no matter what. Why is a marriage a covenant and not a contract? A contract allows each party to have an "out" when the other party doesn't fulfill their end of the bargain. ie I can return this car if you dont pay for it. A covenant shows that we're in it 100% even though the other party might have gotten injured or fails for some reason. Since you're in it for life, you spend more time making sure they're suited for you.
- Being bf/gf is so much easier (to me) to split up and isn't bound by anything concrete.
- I want to be w/ her forever

 

[edro]

Originally posted by: daniel1113

Originally posted by: edro
You almost married an 18 year old spoiled college girl... They are about the most emotionally unstable of them all!
You are still too young to have a valid opinion on marriage.
Also, you did not love her.
Don't base your opinion on marriage on a failed relationship.

Bullshit. No one that has reached the age of reason is too young to have an opinion on marriage. There's few things that I consider to be more of an insult than when someone claims that my feelings and thoughts (or those of anyone else) are less valid because of my age. I would hope DisgruntledVirus feels the same.

Age and experience has a lot to do with the validity of your opinion.
You are telling me that a 4 year old child has just as valid of an opinion on whether marriage is good or not, as someone who is 60 and has been married?

It may be insulting to discriminate against age, but it is life.

 

[KeithTalent]

Having been married, I honestly can't think of a valid reason to get married anymore. I just don't see the point.

KT

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus
I'm not against the ceremonial/commitment aspects, but instead against the legal/civil parts. Now, removing those (as Nik commented on) I don't believe that going through the ceremony shows any more commitment to that person. I believe that you show your commitment by your daily actions, and by how you act with them and not by some ceremony that has religious ties. I'm not against going through a ceremony to vow in front of family and friends that I plan to spend the rest of my life with the person. That does not mean that I am any more committed after the ceremony as I was before though.

You don't see how explicitly making a promise to someone that you will be with them for the rest of your life is more of a commitment than not having done so?

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus
I'm not against the ceremonial/commitment aspects, but instead against the legal/civil parts. Now, removing those (as Nik commented on) I don't believe that going through the ceremony shows any more commitment to that person. I believe that you show your commitment by your daily actions, and by how you act with them and not by some ceremony that has religious ties. I'm not against going through a ceremony to vow in front of family and friends that I plan to spend the rest of my life with the person. That does not mean that I am any more committed after the ceremony as I was before though.

You don't see how explicitly making a promise to someone that you will be with them for the rest of your life is more of a commitment than not having done so?

No, I don't see how that actually *shows* more of a commitment. It's no different then simply saying that without actually getting married.

For some it might, but for me it doesn't mean I'm more committed to the relationship it just means I went through some ceremony to show others my commitment.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
You don't see how explicitly making a promise to someone that you will be with them for the rest of your life is more of a commitment than not having done so?

No, I don't see how that actually *shows* more of a commitment. It's no different then simply saying that without actually getting married.

For some it might, but for me it doesn't mean I'm more committed to the relationship it just means I went through some ceremony to show others my commitment.

You're hung up on the ceremony again. Just take the question as it stands by itself, regarding whether or not making that promise is more of a commitment. Pretend it's just the two of you in an empty room or something if that's what it takes.

 

[edro]

Most marriage ceremonies incorporate family.
That's why your family and friends attend.
They are supposed to support your marriage.

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: dquan97
Seems like there are lots of ppl here who seriously need to talk to a counselor. For me, the reasons are:

- I wanted to make a public covenant (not a contract) to love and take care of her no matter what. Why is a marriage a covenant and not a contract? A contract allows each party to have an "out" when the other party doesn't fulfill their end of the bargain. ie I can return this car if you dont pay for it. A covenant shows that we're in it 100% even though the other party might have gotten injured or fails for some reason. Since you're in it for life, you spend more time making sure they're suited for you.
- Being bf/gf is so much easier (to me) to split up and isn't bound by anything concrete.
- I want to be w/ her forever

1) There's nothing wrong with a public announcement of your nuptuals. Needing to have one represents an underlying problem that your marriage is already plagued with. It also sounds like you're caught up in religious silliness, but I'm not even going to go there. Lawl.

2) How is a fucking piece of paper any more concrete than your feelings? Get a grip, please. You can sign a piece of paper and get divorced. You can also NOT sign the piece of paper and be together for the rest of your lives, happy as a clam. You don't need legally binding contract (I'm still lol'ing @ covenant) to love someone and stating as much is a significant insult to those who've already socially evolved past the massive stinking dead dinosaur that is marriage.

3) You can't be with her forever if you don't sign that little piece of paper? What's going to happen, men in white coats are going to come and take her away and you'll never see her again?

Oh please :roll:

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
You're hung up on the ceremony again. Just take the question as it stands by itself, regarding whether or not making that promise is more of a commitment. Pretend it's just the two of you in an empty room or something if that's what it takes.

Yes, because a make-believe ceremony will somehow make everything better in your real-world relationship.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: dquan97
Seems like there are lots of ppl here who seriously need to talk to a counselor. For me, the reasons are:

- I wanted to make a public covenant (not a contract) to love and take care of her no matter what. Why is a marriage a covenant and not a contract? A contract allows each party to have an "out" when the other party doesn't fulfill their end of the bargain. ie I can return this car if you dont pay for it. A covenant shows that we're in it 100% even though the other party might have gotten injured or fails for some reason. Since you're in it for life, you spend more time making sure they're suited for you.
- Being bf/gf is so much easier (to me) to split up and isn't bound by anything concrete.
- I want to be w/ her forever

1) There's nothing wrong with a public announcement of your nuptuals. Needing to have one represents an underlying problem that your marriage is already plagued with. It also sounds like you're caught up in religious silliness, but I'm not even going to go there. Lawl.

2) How is a fucking piece of paper any more concrete than your feelings? Get a grip, please. You can sign a piece of paper and get divorced. You can also NOT sign the piece of paper and be together for the rest of your lives, happy as a clam. You don't need legally binding contract (I'm still lol'ing @ covenant) to love someone and stating as much is a significant insult to those who've already socially evolved past the massive stinking dead dinosaur that is marriage.

3) You can't be with her forever if you don't sign that little piece of paper? What's going to happen, men in white coats are going to come and take her away and you'll never see her again?

Oh please :roll:

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
You're hung up on the ceremony again. Just take the question as it stands by itself, regarding whether or not making that promise is more of a commitment. Pretend it's just the two of you in an empty room or something if that's what it takes.

Yes, because a make-believe ceremony will somehow make everything better in your real-world relationship.

Dude, pull the "I HATE MARRIAGE" cock out of your ass already. Show me where I indicated this was "how to fix a relationship". Your strawman is stupid and lame.

 

[Nik]

Don't be so literal, Froggie. If you want to pretend it's just the two of you in an empty room, then why not just go home and stand in the living room? Instead of a smartass reply, I should have asked how a ceremony makes any difference if you're just going to pretend it's not happening. Are you going to pretend you didn't just spend $5,000 on a cheap wedding, too?

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: Nik
Don't be so literal, Froggie. If you want to pretend it's just the two of you in an empty room, then why not just go home and stand in the living room? Instead of a smartass reply, I should have asked how a ceremony makes any difference if you're just going to pretend it's not happening. Are you going to pretend you didn't just spend $5,000 on a cheap wedding, too?

I'm trying to get him to examine whether making a promise to someone is more of a commitment than not, rather than saying the piece of paper is stupid, or the ceremony is worthless, etc, rather than paying attention to the actual commitment itself.
Although I did get lulz from seeing the argument that living together actually shows more commitment than getting married.
And yes, didn't spend anywhere near $5k (or even half that).
And I'm sorry for what I said, you're welcome to keep any cock up your ass that you like.

 

[DainBramaged]

In the military, I could be completely serious, have lived with someone for years, and yet, I have no rights and be forced to live in the barracks with another Marine or try to pay for an apartment out of my measly pay. If I get married, I can live off base, I'll get sufficient money for living, etc.

That, my friends, is why everyone gets married in the military.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: DainBramaged
In the military, I could be completely serious, have lived with someone for years, and yet, I have no rights and be forced to live in the barracks with another Marine or try to pay for an apartment out of my measly pay. If I get married, I can live off base, I'll get sufficient money for living, etc.

That, my friends, is why everyone gets married in the military.

No BAQ? I got BAQ as a single E-3 in the Air Force.

 

[oiprocs]

Originally posted by: KeithTalent
Having been married, I honestly can't think of a valid reason to get married anymore. I just don't see the point.

KT

I'd like 50 subscriptions to your newsletter please.

 

[oiprocs]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: Nik
Don't be so literal, Froggie. If you want to pretend it's just the two of you in an empty room, then why not just go home and stand in the living room? Instead of a smartass reply, I should have asked how a ceremony makes any difference if you're just going to pretend it's not happening. Are you going to pretend you didn't just spend $5,000 on a cheap wedding, too?

I'm trying to get him to examine whether making a promise to someone is more of a commitment than not, rather than saying the piece of paper is stupid, or the ceremony is worthless, etc, rather than paying attention to the actual commitment itself.
Although I did get lulz from seeing the argument that living together actually shows more commitment than getting married.
And yes, didn't spend anywhere near $5k (or even half that).
And I'm sorry for what I said, you're welcome to keep any cock up your ass that you like.

Paging ASSMAN.

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
I'm trying to get him to examine whether making a promise to someone is more of a commitment than not, rather than saying the piece of paper is stupid, or the ceremony is worthless, etc, rather than paying attention to the actual commitment itself.
Although I did get lulz from seeing the argument that living together actually shows more commitment than getting married.
And yes, didn't spend anywhere near $5k (or even half that).
And I'm sorry for what I said, you're welcome to keep any cock up your ass that you like.

Hehe.

I don't think you can prove to anyone that you've made a commitment any way other than showing them. Live your lives together and show them you love them, which should already be established and ongoing by the time most couples are at the stage where they would make a decision about marriage? At least, that's what I would want. I'd bust my butt to show her that I'm commited and love her and blah blah blah. Throwing all that out the window and holding a wedding or a piece of paper or anything else just as simple in higher regard than my daily efforts is an insult :-/

Is that a reasonable answer, Your Nakedness?

 

[KeithTalent]

Originally posted by: scorpious

Originally posted by: KeithTalent
Having been married, I honestly can't think of a valid reason to get married anymore. I just don't see the point.

KT

I'd like 50 subscriptions to your newsletter please.

I don't get it.

KT

Edit: maybe I get it now.

 

[krunchykrome]

there seems to be a pattern here

it's as if the one's divorced or who are a product of a divorced family seem to have a case of "damaged goods".

And the ones who are optimistic are the ones who are happily married or who have married parents. who have never been divorced.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: krunchykrome
there seems to be a pattern here

it's as if the one's divorced or who are a product of a divorced family seem to have a case of "damaged goods".

And the ones who are optomistic are the ones who are happily married or who have married parents. who have never been divorced.

YMMV
Parents divorced when I was a kid, mom has been with the guy she married after that for twenty years now (and I wasn't particularly fond of him for quite a while)... dad has four divorces under his belt, and it might be up to five now.

 

[zoiks]

Webster's dictionary defines 'wedding' as ?the fusing of two metals with a hot torch?

 

[PlasmaBomb]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: nerdress
-At this time in our lives, we're still growing emotionally. We all knew that, but it's not as significant because it happens over a period of 10 years. This is why I like dating older men (30/31/32), because at that point I know they will never change and it makes it easier to break things off in the beginning.

That's not true. We get hairier, we develop new smells...

lol

Originally posted by: zoiks
Webster's dictionary defines 'wedding' as ?the fusing of two metals with a hot torch?

lol

I see what you did there

 

[daniel1113]

Originally posted by: edro

Originally posted by: daniel1113

Originally posted by: edro
You almost married an 18 year old spoiled college girl... They are about the most emotionally unstable of them all!
You are still too young to have a valid opinion on marriage.
Also, you did not love her.
Don't base your opinion on marriage on a failed relationship.

Bullshit. No one that has reached the age of reason is too young to have an opinion on marriage. There's few things that I consider to be more of an insult than when someone claims that my feelings and thoughts (or those of anyone else) are less valid because of my age. I would hope DisgruntledVirus feels the same.

Age and experience has a lot to do with the validity of your opinion.
You are telling me that a 4 year old child has just as valid of an opinion on whether marriage is good or not, as someone who is 60 and has been married?

It may be insulting to discriminate against age, but it is life.

Ahem.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: Lamont Burns

Originally posted by: Fritzo
After I got married, all of my clothes magically became folded in my drawers and hung in my closet, clean towels are always in the bathroom, my income doubled, and I get sex on a regular basis.

So far I'm for it.

How long you been married? Sex on a regular basis after being married for a while? Blasphemous!

I've been married 13 years. By sex on a regular basis, I mean every 3rd Thursday of the month.

 

[KeithTalent]

Originally posted by: krunchykrome
there seems to be a pattern here

it's as if the one's divorced or who are a product of a divorced family seem to have a case of "damaged goods".

And the ones who are optimistic are the ones who are happily married or who have married parents. who have never been divorced.

It's not really that cut and dry. I've seen all kinds of variations of relationship experience and background with all sorts of different results in their marriages. There are so many different factors that come into play.

KT