Rantlet: My girlfriend is sick. Again.

[MichaelD]

I swear, I sure can pick'em. Every woman I date turns out to be one of these:

1. Satan Himself
2. Closet Clubber (i.e. weekend druggie)
3. Psychopathic Stalker
4. Physically not well

My girlfriend is ALWAYS sick. In the 2+years we've been dating, she's been sick at least once every 3-4 weeks.

It's either one thing or another. She has asthma, which is not her fault. It's triggered by stress, most of the time. She has a minor panic disorder (which she won't admit, but I know she has.) She doesn't like crowds and freaks out when hemmed-in by people....starts getting all twitchy and nervous and has to run (literally) thru the crowd to get to open space on the other side. Once in the clear, she's fine.

She has a weak immune system. She gets a sore throat at the drop of a hat. She has GERD, which means she gets nauseous/diahhrea (sp?) at the drop of a hat as well.

She gets bad headaches, which she is on migraine meds for. It's like every part on her body is busted in some way, shape or form. Well, not EVERY part.

But THAT aspect of the relationship suffers b/c she's always sick. When she's not sick, I make sure we screw like rabbits b/c God knows when she'll be sick again and I'm high and dry.

Before you think this thread is about me not getting enough, it isn't. The sex is great...when we have it.

It's about our relationship always being on "HOLD" b/c she's sick. Can't make plans. Can't do a lot of things I like to do b/c of the "crowd phobia."

I have grown very attached to her. She helps me with my son on the weekends I have him. (He's hard to handle...ADHD, I think) and she listens to me when I have a horrible day. But I can't take this chit anymore.

She is VERY sensitive about me bringing up "are you sick again?" or words to that effect. SHe'll categorically deny that "I'm sick all time" to the point of being loudly defensive about it. She's definitely in denial.

She has had some tests done. She's not Anemic, she has low blood sugar..but not bad enough to be medicated for. I try to get her to take a multivitamin every day, but she forgets/doesn't want to.

I'm_just_sick_of_dealing with a sick GF. Thanks for listening. Tonight, I drink and play videogames.

 

[fatalbert]

well as long as you know that alcohol solves everything

 

[F00BAR]

i think i would get tired of it, your a patient man if you have put up with it for 2+ years.

 

[Rallispec]

my girlfreind gets sick at least once a month also... i think it has to do something with stress though-- they say when you're under a lot of stress you get sick more, and i know she's always stressed out about something.

 

[pyonir]

medication can help the anxiety disorder. other than that.....bring into the shop and do a complete haulover, that should take care of it.

that sucks Michael. hope she realizes what it is doing to your relationship and goes to get some for it.

 

[Random Variable]

So it's all about the sex?

 

[LordMaul]

well as long as you know that video games solve everything

 

[MichaelD]

<< i think it has to do something with stress though-- they say when you're under a lot of stress you get sick more, and i know she's always stressed out about something. >>






<< medication can help the anxiety disorder >>



You guys are so right. Since we do have some measure of anonimity here, I'll say this.

About a year ago, she went to her doctor b/c she was very stressed at work and having panic attacks, triggering her asthma. Her doc recommended she go see a shrinky-dink-doc for a "consult."

The shrink put her on Wellbutrin, a small dose, just to see what would happen. After about a month of her taking it, a magical change happened. She was a happier person, didn't get stressed-out as easily and GEE WHIZ, didn't get sick as often either.

A month later, she said to me "it's embarrassing to have to take pills to be normal, so I'm not going to take them anymore." I told her there was no reason to be embarassed, that I loved her, that I liked the changes I saw. I asked her "isn't it great to not be stressed out so much anymore?" She said "but I have to take these pills and that's BS, so I'm stopping."

And she did. Back to square one.

Don't misunderstand. She's NOT psycho. That would be my son's mother.

She just gets torqued way too easily and she's a big drama queen. Everything's the end of the world.

I do care deeply for her and want her to be well. No amount of talking, conversing, cajoling, arguing or begging has worked to get her back on those pills b/c she feels that the pills only treat "a small amount of what's wrong w/me because the rest is physical not mental."

*Sigh.* I sure and pick'em.

 

[JohnnyReb]

Did she have any of these ailments before she started dating you? I got a headache just reading your post.

John

 

[pyonir]

maybe if you tell her that this is straining your relationship then she will want to take the pills again. (i don't mean to threaten her with it, but you have to let her know how it is affecting YOU as well) most often these things aren't mental they are chemical. i guess i can't understand her point about not wanting to take the pills just to be normal. so that means if she has cancer, she wouldn't take chemo because she shouldn't have to do that to be normal?! try that analogy with her.

 

[LordJezo]

Pics?

 

[XZeroII]

Confront her. It's the only way. Tell her EXACTLY what's going on and suggest help if necessary. Maybe a psyciatrist or something and make it clear that you will stick with her (if that would be your plan). It's difficult, but you have to confront her. If you want to stay with her, make sure you make that clear first and keep repeating it throughout the conversation. Stay away from "I want to stay with you, but...". Let us know how it turns out.

 

[Muadib]

Another vote for confront her. Either that or dump her.

 

[MichaelD]

<< Another vote for confront her. Either that or dump her. >>



I hate to admit it, but I have done that. She tries real hard for a couple of weeks to not show me she's stressed, and then it starts over.

I do love her very dearly...she is my best friend, but sometimes I feel that I stay in the relationship out of convenience and comfort. She doesn't live w/me. She has her own car/money. She hates kids (like me) so no worries about her "accidently" getting pregnant. Been there, done that, got the child support payment to prove it.

Yes, I know my reasons for staying are wrong...so shoot me. Thanks for listening.

 

[F00BAR]

<< She tries real hard for a couple of weeks to not show me she's stressed, and then it starts over. >>



thats an oxymoron in itself, you cant try hard to be relaxed

 

[notfred]

My girlfriend had the flu. She got better though.

 

[glen]

Your GF has an eating disorder.
There is nothing you can do.
Take her as is, or wlk away.
I reccomend walking away.

 

[Muadib]

Yes, I know my reasons for staying are wrong...so shoot me. Thanks for listening.
If they work for you, then they're not wrong. However, have you thought about what's comming down the road? After 2 years of dating, your headed for the crap or get off the pot stage. Have you given any thought to what living with her, or marriage with her will be like?

 

[db]

Sometimes, always getting sick is a method of coping with stress and conflict when they can't find another way to deal effectively.
Does she have a hard time making decisions? Is she a perfectionist? Is she a "nice" person who doesn't want to disappoint?

Taking the meds MIGHT mean she could no longer use an effective coping strategy. Maybe being sick means she doesn't have to do something--what would that be?

edit: I just re-read more carefully and notice this: "She just gets torqued way too easily and she's a big drama queen. Everything's the end of the world."
As long as she has this mindset, she will never change.

I would say that if someone in her family--especially a parent--has this approach, then it might be easier to convince her that it's method of dealing/coping and therefor not physical, and therefor counciling is needed to discover better and more effective approaches. Afterall, not everyone is like her, so there must be a better way to cope than the way she's doing it.

 

[Nitemare]

Sorry to hear that Michael. My wife isn't in the best of health physically as well.

You might want to try sterinol. It is supposed to balance the immune system

She sounds like she doesn't want to get any better though..might have to give her an ultimatum...try to get better or I'm leaving

 

[MichaelD]

<< Sorry to hear that Michael. My wife isn't in the best of health physically as well.

You might want to try sterinol. It is supposed to balance the immune system

She sounds like she doesn't want to get any better though..might have to give her an ultimatum...try to get better or I'm leaving >>





<< Sometimes, always getting sick is a method of coping with stress and conflict when they can't find another way to deal effectively.
Does she have a hard time making decisions? Is she a perfectionist? Is she a "nice" person who doesn't want to disappoint?

Taking the meds MIGHT mean she could no longer use an effective coping strategy. Maybe being sick means she doesn't have to do something--what would that be?

edit: I just re-read more carefully and notice this: "She just gets torqued way too easily and she's a big drama queen. Everything's the end of the world."
As long as she has this mindset, she will never change.

I would say that if someone in her family--especially a parent--has this approach, then it might be easier to convince her that it's method of dealing/coping and therefor not physical, and therefor counciling is needed to discover better and more effective approaches. Afterall, not everyone is like her, so there must be a better way to cope than the way she's doing it. >>





<< However, have you thought about what's comming down the road? After 2 years of dating, your headed for the crap or get off the pot stage. Have you given any thought to what living with her, or marriage with her will be like? >>



You guys have hit it on the head...and I know it. I've done the ultimatum thing before. I've left her before. She comes begging back with promises of better times...but it never happens.

I mean, it's hard for me to leave her b/c she's NOT evil. In the past, I've had the evil women. Walking away from them was REAL easy. But this one tries (or seems to try) so hard that I feel pity. I'm a softie, unfortunately. :|

When she recovers from the plethora of illnesses she has now (double ear infection/throat infection/gastroenternitis) and she starts wigging again, I will give the ultimatum. Seriously. Thanks much. I feel a little better about myself and this situation.

 

[Amused]

Your girlfriend needs to start smoking pot and drinking heavily.

 

[Azraele]

What a strange situation. In a way, I can understand you upset. On the other hand, I find your stance slightly upsetting as well. I wish I could elaborate, but I'm not really sure what i'm trying to say, I'm just giving my first impressions.

I do think she needs to get on the ball and work hard to take better care of herself. She's obviously got some problems.

One thing I'd like to suggest. Try putting yourself in her shoes. Perhaps that might give you a better understanding of the situation and bring some clarity.

 

[Mister T]

you need to make her start taking the pills again...
you need to give her the ultimatum on that.

 

[db]

I'm sorry you have to go through this, MichaelD. Like you said she's not an evil person.
We all have ways of dealing with the conflicts of life. Hers just don't seem to be positive and constructive ways, and her health suffers as a result.
I hope things work out ok for each of you whether you stay together or not.