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[rant]This sucks . . ..[/rant]

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude

Lifer
I can't sleep 🙁

Well, I'm not an insomniac, actually I'm closer to the polar opposite I suppose, but that's not the point - I just came back from a bar watching a friend fight in a toughman-type stuff in a city an hour's drive away (it's 5:30 AM now) - the problem is, I have a paper due tomarrow that i need to work on - if I don't turn this paper in, I automatically fail the class 🙁. So no sleep for me until tomarrow after class . . ..

(So I'm a little incoherent right now and I suspect it will rise exponentially every hour until my last class - when there's a girl I'm really attracted to, naturally
rolleye.gif
)

EDIT
Rant on the fifth post (warning: long!)
 
Originally posted by: gopunk
don't get angry, but maybe going to the bar was not the best decision you could have made....
Click to expand...

Well duh. But I'd say it was worth it - some great fights went on - all amateurs, but my friend gave it all he had and he did excellent considering it was his first fight ever, no training, no practice, etc.

And I didn't drink since I had to drive back - good thing, or I'd be in deep crap more than likely 😉
 
Just finished class, dozed off in most (I'm sure ALL my profs noticed - considering how the rest of the day went, I wouldn't be suprised :| ), found out that a girl in my class that I was REALLY interested in has a B/F :|:|:|:|:|:| (and I was sure it was a *sure thing* guess you can't be too sure about anything . . . I did do the paper, by the way 😉 )

EDIT
Oh, and it's raining [POURING] and I left my apartment window open because it was 65 degrees outside during the morning :|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|
 
Me again - and it might be the fact that my day so far had been lousy, but I'm in the mood to rant for a bit.

Alright - so apparently, this girl already has a B/F - what gets to me is that this has been the 4th time that I though it was a "sure thing" and it didn't pan out - and you know how hard for me it is to meet a girl?

It's not because I'm antisocial. It's just that my schedule with martial arts keeps me out of places where I usually meet people of my age/opposite sex. I train from Saturday to Thursday, and Mondays through Thursdays I usually get home at 10 PM, and on Saturdays and Sundays I have to get up in the mornings so I can't get out to do things the night before - and on Fridays, I have class on the mornings.

Last year, one of my friends in martial arts was shot. Thankfully, he is okay now and it brought all the adults from the martial arts class together - and it hit me - what if I was shot? Would there be someone waiting by my bedside for me like his wife was, day in and day out? I was so jealous and yet so happy for them at the same time. And other adults in class - I spend a lot of time with - they have kids, a loving spouse, and they were happy with what their lives turned out to be. But me? Frankly, I'm frightened to graduate because I have no clue what I will do for the rest of my life, and the fact that this is the time that I will have to move on alone scares the bejeesus out of me. I come to my apartment in the middle of the night, and all that waits for me is laundry that needs to be done, homework need to be finished, a room to be cleaned. I'd like to think that when I go home to my parents, I won't be alone anymore. But let's face it - I'm a college student who lives around campus 9 months out of the year - and now, because of my obligations for MA, I have to be here year round. For now, this is a home for me as it will get.

Yeah - maybe it's the fact that I spend so much time outside of my own age group that I feel that way - besides, if I never really got to hang around married people, would I still be so jealous, even desperate? But what can I do? This is nothing new - my schedule's been set like this for years because I chose to, and now I have certain responsibilities I have to fulfill to in return. I've gotten so much from MA that I feel now that if I can return something, I should - I must.

And now, I'm teaching occasionally in one style of MA that I'm in, and I'm about to become the head instructor for the kids class for another style. It's not that I can't handle it, rather if there was more hours I could spare, I'd train more.

It's not that I'm sick of martial arts. In fact, I love everything about it - I love teaching kids, instilling a passion in them which I can see is wonderful - and I love the rush of training myself, and even the fact that I have this (obsessive, frankly) passion for SOMETHING, anything, which I don't think I can say for a lot of college students who merely loaf through their years striving for a degree so that they can become a middle aged, middle management for the rest of their life.

And I try to meet girls - I've tried and tried, and got jerked around like some diseased animal. I had this discussion with Jeff, one of my friends who has the house, the wife, and the kid. He says that everyone goes through this, that I can't do anything about it, that I'd just have to live my life to the best of my abilities and let everything happen to its own accord.

But how long do I have to wait?

God dammit, I've tried and tried and all I get in return is an empty apartment to go home to. And this, this? I've somehow managed to meet a girl that I was genuinly attracted to, and someone that I genuinely thought had a chance. I've asked her to do somethings with me, and she had some schedule conflicts - she seems happy that I asked, though - and now I find out that she has a boyfriend.

And it's not just her. Like I said, I've tried before, and nothing seems to work out the way I hoped. I've been struggling with this for a while, and my friend getting shot made it evident that much more - and I know that I have a wonderful family, supportive friends, and I should be content. But I'm not. All my friends have a steady G/F or have a family they have to attend to, my family lives 3 hours away, and sometimes I'm so busy with things that I can't even breathe.

I'm just sick of waiting.
 
Originally posted by: Jehovah
Me again - and it might be the fact that my day so far had been lousy, but I'm in the mood to rant for a bit. Alright - so apparently, this girl already has a B/F - what gets to me is that this has been the 4th time that I though it was a "sure thing" and it didn't pan out - and you know how hard for me it is to meet a girl? It's not because I'm antisocial. It's just that my schedule with martial arts keeps me out of places where I usually meet people of my age/opposite sex. I train from Saturday to Thursday, and Mondays through Thursdays I usually get home at 10 PM, and on Saturdays and Sundays I have to get up in the mornings so I can't get out to do things the night before - and on Fridays, I have class on the mornings. Last year, one of my friends in martial arts was shot. Thankfully, he is okay now and it brought all the adults from the martial arts class together - and it hit me - what if I was shot? Would there be someone waiting by my bedside for me like his wife was, day in and day out? I was so jealous and yet so happy for them at the same time. And other adults in class - I spend a lot of time with - they have kids, a loving spouse, and they were happy with what their lives turned out to be. But me? Frankly, I'm frightened to graduate because I have no clue what I will do for the rest of my life, and the fact that this is the time that I will have to move on alone scares the bejeesus out of me. I come to my apartment in the middle of the night, and all that waits for me is laundry that needs to be done, homework need to be finished, a room to be cleaned. I'd like to think that when I go home to my parents, I won't be alone anymore. But let's face it - I'm a college student who lives around campus 9 months out of the year - and now, because of my obligations for MA, I have to be here year round. For now, this is a home for me as it will get. Yeah - maybe it's the fact that I spend so much time outside of my own age group that I feel that way - besides, if I never really got to hang around married people, would I still be so jealous, even desperate? But what can I do? This is nothing new - my schedule's been set like this for years because I chose to, and now I have certain responsibilities I have to fulfill to in return. I've gotten so much from MA that I feel now that if I can return something, I should - I must. And now, I'm teaching occasionally in one style of MA that I'm in, and I'm about to become the head instructor for the kids class for another style. It's not that I can't handle it, rather if there was more hours I could spare, I'd train more. It's not that I'm sick of martial arts. In fact, I love everything about it - I love teaching kids, instilling a passion in them which I can see is wonderful - and I love the rush of training myself, and even the fact that I have this (obsessive, frankly) passion for SOMETHING, anything, which I don't think I can say for a lot of college students who merely loaf through their years striving for a degree so that they can become a middle aged, middle management for the rest of their life. And I try to meet girls - I've tried and tried, and got jerked around like some diseased animal. I had this discussion with Jeff, one of my friends who has the house, the wife, and the kid. He says that everyone goes through this, that I can't do anything about it, that I'd just have to live my life to the best of my abilities and let everything happen to its own accord. But how long do I have to wait? God dammit, I've tried and tried and all I get in return is an empty apartment to go home to. And this, this? I've somehow managed to meet a girl that I was genuinly attracted to, and someone that I genuinely thought had a chance. I've asked her to do somethings with me, and she had some schedule conflicts - she seems happy that I asked, though - and now I find out that she has a boyfriend. And it's not just her. Like I said, I've tried before, and nothing seems to work out the way I hoped. I've been struggling with this for a while, and my friend getting shot made it evident that much more - and I know that I have a wonderful family, supportive friends, and I should be content. But I'm not. All my friends have a steady G/F or have a family they have to attend to, my family lives 3 hours away, and sometimes I'm so busy with things that I can't even breathe. I'm just sick of waiting.
Click to expand...

Damn. You sound like a good guy, I feel sorry for you 🙁. If it makes you feel any better, I got shut down five times by the same girl that I liked for a long time, and today she sort of shut me down again. Maybe it's time to give up...
 
Damn. You sound like a good guy, I feel sorry for you . If it makes you feel any better, I got shut down five times by the same girl that I liked for a long time, and today she sort of shut me down again. Maybe it's time to give up...
Click to expand...

Hey, thanks - well, it's not so much that a girl shot me down that bothers me - it's just that I feel unattatched to anything at this point - it's a good thing in its own way, sure, but I feel isolated at times, you know? Honestly, I've been struggling through this for a while and I talk about this frequently with my friends - I know for a fact that I'm not the only one going through this - I'm not the only college student who's about to graduate who has no clue what to do, I'm sure.

Like I said, I know that all I can do is wait, but I feel frustrated sometimes, you know? It sucks being the only single guy around either married people or others involved in serious relationships - but it's much more than that, as well.

Maybe this is graduation anxiety, but I move around pretty frequently - and knowing that, I sometimes think that I consciously discourage myself from getting too attatched to people who live there (most of my friends are of the older, non-student crowd) - and frankly, to hear of their plans for life, how they plan on raising their children, or even the stupid things like how they are plannig their landscaping just come back to remind me of my "temporary" existance in this place, and how I'm constanly on the move with nothing to come back to.

Anyhow, my other rant was pretty long in itself, and given how much I like to analyze things and such, I could probably write a damn book on the subject - I need to go to sleep now, though. So I'll voluntarily stop this rant short (and out of the 10 posts in this thread, it seems like 8 of them are mine anyways).

Dammit, I'm too young to have a midlife crisis . . ..
 
I see most of your frustrations come from the fact that you are single, and you want someone that you can share your thoughts/feelings to. It's perfectly natural to demand such things, even I do sometimes, and I'm not even in college!

But it looks like you don't have time to socialize. The only suggestion that I can give to you is to put your heart into something that is the most important to you now, the decision might be difficult the choose, but I believe you will make the one that is most accomplishing.

If you do choose to stay in MA over getting more time for socializing, whenever you feel lonely, think of the kids you are teaching and how they gain so much from you. You are their positive role model, and most of them will probably look up to you years from now. Just think the profound effect you have on the little kids in the years to come.

I know it's easy for me to say these things, because I'm not the one who goes through all these issues, but I hope this helps🙂
 
Originally posted by: GiLtY
I see most of your frustrations come from the fact that you are single, and you want someone that you can share your thoughts/feelings to. It's perfectly natural to demand such things, even I do sometimes, and I'm not even in college!

But it looks like you don't have time to socialize. The only suggestion that I can give to you is to put your heart into something that is the most important to you now, the decision might be difficult the choose, but I believe you will make the one that is most accomplishing.

If you do choose to stay in MA over getting more time for socializing, whenever you feel lonely, think of the kids you are teaching and how they gain so much from you. You are their positive role model, and most of them will probably look up to you years from now. Just think the profound effect you have on the little kids in the years to come.

I know it's easy for me to say these things, because I'm not the one who goes through all these issues, but I hope this helps🙂
Click to expand...

Well, the choice is already made, but it's hard, because like I said, others in the class have someone to go home to . . ..
 
I think i totally understand where you are coming from.
I will be graduating in 3 months too and I have no cluse WTF i am gonna do with my life either.
I have also been looking for someone, but just never found that someone. Sometimes i feel so lonely. I love my parents and friends cause they are really supporting and loving, but its like i am sick and tired of life at this point.
I am sick and tired of time passing so slow, not knowing what the future will bring, not knowing what will happen with my life... its just a feeling that I am lost. Its not like I am doing bad in school or anything, its just that i cant see whats going to happen... and i just feel so lonely at times, even though i have a great family and some really great friends.
 
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