RANT: Teens, marriage, kids

[GTaudiophile]

Why do so many American girls feel as if they have to have a steady boyfriend by 15, married by 18, and pregnant by 19? (I say American, because I have not seen such behavior in my travels in Western Europe.) Over the last few years, I've received random IMs from girls who are in this age-range and have getting married and pregnant as their only short-term goals. Aside from IMs, I've also seen such behavior expressed in other forums of discussion. Why? Why? Why? Don't they know that most successful women wait a while to get married and have kids? Don't they know that statistics show, that the earlier a marriage starts, the more likely it is that it will end in divorce? Don't they want to enjoy the world in their youth? Travel, learn things, get an education? Don't they want to reach their own potential before getting strapped down by kids? What happened to ambition?

Successful women are having fewer children, while unsuccessful women are having more children at earlier ages. This trend frightens me, because I know that it's going to be responsible individuals like myself who will end up paying for such "babies to have babies" when they apply for welfare. My hard-earned money, that I've managed to save as best as I know how, will go to a child that suffers from both too little discipline and education and who will probably end up repeating the same cycle that her mother started. It just seems so scary and unfair to me.

(I can't just point the finger at girls, though. I must also blame the guys who give-in to or allow their girlfriend to get pregnant at such a young age. People just need to keep their pants zipped and legs crossed until they know what the hell it is they're dealing with!)

 

[aUt0eXebat]

<< People just need to keep their pants zipped and legs crossed until they know what the hell it is they're dealing with >>



I take it you havent or dont have a gf that you care about, and either you or her or both want to express your love in this way? (not having kids)

 

[StageLeft]

Teenage boredom combined with lack of guidance I think is the cause for such stupid and wildly far reaching acts.

The problem with teenagers (I'm not an old foggie going on about the good old days; this has always been a problem) is that they are old enough to make big decisions that can have major consequences, and yet lack the maturity and wisdom to make these decisions intelligently. Not all teens are like this but many are. And thus you have 15 year olds getting married and having a kid for &quot;something to do&quot;.

Unfortunately in 5 years when the mistake finally hits home its too late. If the teen doesn't have support or smarts to get herself/himself through the situation then they can potentially screw their life.

People just need to keep their pants zipped and legs crossed until they know what the hell it is they're dealing with! A few bucks in latex goes a long way

 

[beer]

I'm 17 now, a few months ago I had a fling with a 16 year old. Bottom line was that if I didn't have condoms on me at any given time, she would have screwed me, without or without protection. The bottom line to that is that, I wonder how many of those pregnencies are planned, and how many just result from a fit of passion?

Thankfully I haven't dated a girl as out of control as she was since.

 

[GTaudiophile]

<< I take it you havent or dont have a gf that you care about, and either you or her or both want to express your love in this way? (not having kids) >>



I do not currently have a gf. If I did, she would be someone who would prefer to wait to have sex anyway. I really don't have a problem with people &quot;expressing&quot; their love through intercourse. I have a problem with people not respecting the possible negative outcomes. I have a problem with people who don't think ahead: should we get married? who is going to support the child? do we have enough money to do this right?

 

[MomAndSkoorbaby]

Nicely said Skoorb, as always, you said exactly what I would have!

 

[JohnnyKnoxville]

Check the demographics of any city and you will find that the ones with the highest teen pregnancies are also the highest in poverty and crime.Government mandated abortion looks better every day.

 

[HowardStern]

Please write to your politicians about your government mandated abortion idea. I think it's great (and will write my politicians whom I'm sure won't respond).

 

[PrinceofWands]

I just want to say that it saddens me to see so many people referring to marriage or kids as 'the end of freedom' and such. Everything that I was as a youth (under 20) ran counter-productive to truly enjoying life. Most of the youth I see have no understanding of happiness or true freedom. I looked forward to having someone to share travel with, share children, share enjoyment of the world in a meaningful way. The only thing young people do is get drunk, get stoned, and get horny...there's so much more out there than that. Now that I've been married (and unfortunately divorced) I think that the only way to have any freedom is to be with somebody you love, and who loves you.

 

[Urinal Mint]

Maybe if GTaudiophile can find a way to make teenagers think that sex = pain, rather than sex = awesome, they'd quit squirting out kids at such a young age.

Gov't mandated abortion... interesting idea that will never, ever fly.

 

[HowardStern]

<< Why do so many American girls feel as if they have to have a steady boyfriend by 15, married by 18, and pregnant by 19? >>



Because they are stupid.

 

[HowardStern]

We really do need government mandated borth control for anyone on welfare or getting EIC.

 

[aUt0eXebat]

i agree that they should look at the consequences, but with todays options its not a big deal to them (abortion). But when I first had sex with my ex we made sure we were careful with the consequences and we both knew we wouldnt run from eachother if something happened. A lot of guys are not like that, or girls

 

[beer]

<< We really do need government mandated borth control for anyone on welfare or getting EIC. >>



Really? And how do you think about government assisted suicides for people who take more in welfare than their net worth? hmm?

 

[PrinceofWands]

I agree to an extent, but EIC? Come on. Anyone in the lower ranks of the military qualifies for EIC. All EIC does is give you some taxes back when you don't make much to begin with. I have almost a dozen computer certifications, along with 3 years of college and massive other amounts of goodies on my resume (including management and supervision positions) and I've never made 30k a year in my life, so I collect EIC. Without it, I wouldn't make enough paycheck to paycheck to pay for food, decent housing, insurance and clothes for me and my daughter (divorced her mother the lunatic). I'm probably one of the most responsible people you'd ever know, I'm 29, and you think I need the government to control my love life??? Sorry, way oversimplified attitude.

 

[Argo]

My parents married at 21, and I was born when they were 22. I can safely say that both of them are pretty successful and they've been married for 22 years now. As a child I've received more than enough attention, and they always paid a lot of attention to my education. I've graduated from one of the toughest engineering schools with a GPA of 3.75, and I have a good job. So I don't think I'm a failure either.


To sum up, I don't think your argument is entirely accurate. Some people can be ready to have a family at the age of 21. Others can't raise kids even when they are 40.

 

[HowardStern]

<< I agree to an extent, but EIC? Come on. Anyone in the lower ranks of the military qualifies for EIC. All EIC does is give you some taxes back when you don't make much to begin with. I have almost a dozen computer certifications, along with 3 years of college and massive other amounts of goodies on my resume (including management and supervision positions) and I've never made 30k a year in my life, so I collect EIC. Without it, I wouldn't make enough paycheck to paycheck to pay for food, decent housing, insurance and clothes for me and my daughter (divorced her mother the lunatic). I'm probably one of the most responsible people you'd ever know, I'm 29, and you think I need the government to control my love life??? Sorry, way oversimplified attitude. >>



EIC is for irresponsible people who have more kids than thye can afford. Your not getting your taxes back. You don't even pay taxes. Your getting my damm tax money. You certainly don't deserve it for your irresponsible behavior.

 

[HowardStern]

<< Anyone in the lower ranks of the military qualifies for EIC. >>



Does everyone in the military have kids? I don't think so.

 

[StageLeft]

Argo thats right, but the younger a person or couple is the less likely they are to properly handle a child. I bet your parents were more mature at 21/22 than they were at 15/16

 

[The Stigenator]

Argo, your one in a million. I know 4 teenage families that are getting wrecked by the fact that they were put into a position where a child was born, they got married and now the guy has left her for some other woman.

My friend Julie (a friend from school) had her first child at age 17, got married soon after and about a year and half later her husband runs off to the army and then decides he is not married and hence no responsbilities and starts going out with other woman. All this time julie had a hard time with school, work and the kid.

 

[Viper GTS]

Successful women are having fewer children, while unsuccessful women are having more children at earlier ages.

That all depends on your definition of success, don't make such blanket statements without acknowledging the fact that not everyone shares your values.

Viper GTS

 

[StageLeft]

I think a good general overview of success that most people could agree with is:

Success: good job, limited financial worry, good supportive family &amp; friends. HAPPY.

Not success: crappy or no job, constant crushing financial worry, no friends, abusive or lazy/non-caring spouse. UNHAPPY

 

[Elita1]

<< Successful women are having fewer children, while unsuccessful women are having more children at earlier ages >>


To reiterate Viper's statement, it depends on what you view as successful. By the world's standpoint, a woman with a career and no kids=success, whereas woman with 5 kids who stays at home=unsuccessful.
This sickens me really. I commend women who work but I also commend women who stay with their children. It's all in how you see it.

I see your point that it is disconcerting(disheartening, I should say) that there are so many teenaged pregnancies, quick marriages because of pregnancies, and such.
However, are you sincerely concerned about these boys and girls? or are you just complaining that your tax dollars may go to feed single parent kids?
I am concerned for these kids, because of lack of guidance, as you say, and just plain silliness reality throws them a curve ball and they are forced to enter adulthood earlier than anticipated.
How to prevent this? well, can't really say. Good parenting is VITAL, but also there is the personality and teeneage rebellion factor to think about.

 

[Elledan]

You're right about this not being common in Western Europe. It's extremely rare for a female to get a child before she's 25-30.

Maybe it has something to do with culture?

 

[PrinceofWands]

HowardStern - You couldn't have read my post and responded as you did, and you can't possibly know anything about EIC judging from your next post, no offense. EIC does NOT require you to have children. I know many people without kids who claim EIC (including many low level enlisted persons in the military)...EIC is dependant on how much you make in a year. You receive money back during tax time based on a bell curve of your earnings up to $30k (the range changes from year to year, that was an approximation). Without a child you're limited to $353 off your taxes, with one child you get up to $2353 off your taxes and with two or more children you get up to $3888 off your taxes. I say 'off your taxes' because at the income levels we're talking about (say 16-30k) taxes are almost always more than your EIC payment, so you still are paying taxes, just getting a break.

Example: I make 16,000 with just me and my daughter. I owe $2404.00. I get $1820.00 EIC. Hence I still owe $584.00. Now, yes I know with other deductions and such I end up getting a tax refund back, but at 16k with EIC included that return is seldom over 300-600 dollars. Meaning my total income for the year becomes a little less than 17,000.

I don't know about you, but 17k a year is a pretty sparse living for just 1 person, never mind a person with a child. And my child, Mr. High and mightie probably never done anything worth a fig in his life anyway, was born after 3 years of marriage while I was in the military protecting your bitching ass during the gulf war...and I didn't become a single father till two years later when my ex turned psycho, slept with my best friend, and turned into an alcoholic, smoker, and lying piece of irresponsible garbage. If I'm wrong about you, then I apologize, but usually the people who bitch the loudest are the ones who never risked anything in their lives for the right to bitch...freedom and democracy are not rights sir, they are a responsibility which must be EARNED.

That EIC payment provides my daughter new clothes each year, and new school supplies. It buys her a birthday gift which is the only way I can afford to get her one. I work my ASS off, currently two jobs and going to school, so I can someday make a little better money in this world where criminals and drug dealers and cutthroat businessmen are rewarded, while caring honorable people are forced into low paying jobs with no benefits, regardless of their intelligence or ability.