This is a letter I just drafter to give my roommate tonight. I was wondering if you all think about it. I know you don't know the situation. To make a long long story short, I moved in with a friend, and he has been treting me like a 2nd class citizen from day one.
UPDATE: He read the letter
I told him we could talk about it more tomorow.
Dear Patrick-
After what happened this morning, I feel I need to explain a few things to you. But before I do, maybe I should sum up the events that brought us to this point.
6 months ago, Josh approached me with a propsition. He was feeling uncomfortable contiuing to pay half of the rent on a place he only spent a minimal amount of time in. He was wondering if I was interested in taking over his obligation. Having just moved back from Israel, and not interested in spending too much on living expenses myself, I was certainly open to the idea. Interested, but not desperate, to make myself clear.
So I came to you and asked your opinion. You not only showed interest, but also expressed a need based on your financial position, at the time. You told me that you could not afford the full rent on your own, and you would like me to move in.
I spcifically asked you to think about it, and to discuss it at length with your Girlfriend. I wanted to make sure this was what you really wanted. I certainly did not want to move into a place where I was not wholly welcome. I did all of this to avoid the specific situation we are in right now. You continued to maintain your position: that you wanted me to move in. Consequently I did.
The next step was to discuss payment of the bills. We agreed on splitting rent, cable, and the MLGW bill. There was never any request from you concerning compensation for the Washer / Dryer. In time, though, your frustration with mine and Mindy?s use of the Washer / Dryer was resolved through my absorption of the Internet bill, as well as providing you and your Girlfriend with unlimited access to a fully funtioning laptop and printer. Clearly I am equally, if not over-compensating you for the use of your Washer / Dryer. To be honest, I find it rather rediculous that you were seeking some sort of payment for their use?.but maybe that?s just me.
Then there was the issue with cleaning the house. Months ago you came to me and asked to me to do a better job cleaning up the house. Well?I can honestly say that these days me and Mindy spend a great deal more time cleaning up the house than you. Though we never feel it is necessary to come to you and complain. We understand what it is like living with Roommates. We take these issues with a grain of salt.
And what about the soap of yours, or the milk you bought, or every other grocery item that you feel it necessary to bitch at me for using. Who bought the 10 bars of soap you used before the one you just bought ?? Who bought the 4 jugs of whole milk (which I don?t even like, but got just to be considerate of you) before the 1 you bought and bitched at me about for drinking. (excuse me if I got a littler ?loud? this paragraph, but it illustrates my frustration, and notes my self-control in refraining from getting upset with you at the time. I would like you to start showing that same self-control towards me)
When people live together they share certain things. And groceries happen to be one. Not only do I not mind when you use the items I purchase?I expect it. And no doubt about it, you certainly take advantage of all of them.
Finally, what about the noise complaints. This morning you exploded on me because Gage was too loud. Yet, you never thought to consider me when you play your piano late at night, or when you have friends over late at night. I don?t complain, because I realize that I have to make comprimises when I live with other people.
The bottom line is?there are a lot of sacrifices, and considerations, that people make when they become roommates. You know this as well as I. You know this now, and you knew this 6 months ago when you asked me to be your roommate.
Please remember that on the day I moved in, I became an equal member in this relationship. You have no more rights or claims to this house than I do. You have no power to push me out the door, or demand my leave.
You have expressed that you are no longer interested in having a roommate. I respect this. I will do my best to leave as soon as it is convenient, if not less-than. But it will happen on my time table. Simply because you have ?changed your mind? about what you want does not constitute some immediate repsonce from me. You made a decision 6 months ago, and you are going to have to accept the outcome.
The bottom line is that for the remainder of the time we live together, I expect a certain level of respect from you. You need to continue to treat me as an equal in the house. I have shown you nothing but the upmost respect for the entire time we have been here. I have never once ?blown up? at you, though you have many times. It doesn?t mean that sometimes I don?t get upset?it means that I respect you and the situation. I am not naïve to the world of roommate life.
So please, out of respect for me, approach the remainder of our time living together with maturity and self-control. Maintaing cordiality should be our goal. If you have needs or concerns, please voice them to me. Just make sure that you really examine not only what you are requesting, but how you are requesting it.
Thanks,
Ben
UPDATE: He read the letter
I'm a prick. I'm selfish. You are completely right. I'm sorry about everything. BTW...you should be a writer, that was a great letter
I told him we could talk about it more tomorow.
Dear Patrick-
After what happened this morning, I feel I need to explain a few things to you. But before I do, maybe I should sum up the events that brought us to this point.
6 months ago, Josh approached me with a propsition. He was feeling uncomfortable contiuing to pay half of the rent on a place he only spent a minimal amount of time in. He was wondering if I was interested in taking over his obligation. Having just moved back from Israel, and not interested in spending too much on living expenses myself, I was certainly open to the idea. Interested, but not desperate, to make myself clear.
So I came to you and asked your opinion. You not only showed interest, but also expressed a need based on your financial position, at the time. You told me that you could not afford the full rent on your own, and you would like me to move in.
I spcifically asked you to think about it, and to discuss it at length with your Girlfriend. I wanted to make sure this was what you really wanted. I certainly did not want to move into a place where I was not wholly welcome. I did all of this to avoid the specific situation we are in right now. You continued to maintain your position: that you wanted me to move in. Consequently I did.
The next step was to discuss payment of the bills. We agreed on splitting rent, cable, and the MLGW bill. There was never any request from you concerning compensation for the Washer / Dryer. In time, though, your frustration with mine and Mindy?s use of the Washer / Dryer was resolved through my absorption of the Internet bill, as well as providing you and your Girlfriend with unlimited access to a fully funtioning laptop and printer. Clearly I am equally, if not over-compensating you for the use of your Washer / Dryer. To be honest, I find it rather rediculous that you were seeking some sort of payment for their use?.but maybe that?s just me.
Then there was the issue with cleaning the house. Months ago you came to me and asked to me to do a better job cleaning up the house. Well?I can honestly say that these days me and Mindy spend a great deal more time cleaning up the house than you. Though we never feel it is necessary to come to you and complain. We understand what it is like living with Roommates. We take these issues with a grain of salt.
And what about the soap of yours, or the milk you bought, or every other grocery item that you feel it necessary to bitch at me for using. Who bought the 10 bars of soap you used before the one you just bought ?? Who bought the 4 jugs of whole milk (which I don?t even like, but got just to be considerate of you) before the 1 you bought and bitched at me about for drinking. (excuse me if I got a littler ?loud? this paragraph, but it illustrates my frustration, and notes my self-control in refraining from getting upset with you at the time. I would like you to start showing that same self-control towards me)
When people live together they share certain things. And groceries happen to be one. Not only do I not mind when you use the items I purchase?I expect it. And no doubt about it, you certainly take advantage of all of them.
Finally, what about the noise complaints. This morning you exploded on me because Gage was too loud. Yet, you never thought to consider me when you play your piano late at night, or when you have friends over late at night. I don?t complain, because I realize that I have to make comprimises when I live with other people.
The bottom line is?there are a lot of sacrifices, and considerations, that people make when they become roommates. You know this as well as I. You know this now, and you knew this 6 months ago when you asked me to be your roommate.
Please remember that on the day I moved in, I became an equal member in this relationship. You have no more rights or claims to this house than I do. You have no power to push me out the door, or demand my leave.
You have expressed that you are no longer interested in having a roommate. I respect this. I will do my best to leave as soon as it is convenient, if not less-than. But it will happen on my time table. Simply because you have ?changed your mind? about what you want does not constitute some immediate repsonce from me. You made a decision 6 months ago, and you are going to have to accept the outcome.
The bottom line is that for the remainder of the time we live together, I expect a certain level of respect from you. You need to continue to treat me as an equal in the house. I have shown you nothing but the upmost respect for the entire time we have been here. I have never once ?blown up? at you, though you have many times. It doesn?t mean that sometimes I don?t get upset?it means that I respect you and the situation. I am not naïve to the world of roommate life.
So please, out of respect for me, approach the remainder of our time living together with maturity and self-control. Maintaing cordiality should be our goal. If you have needs or concerns, please voice them to me. Just make sure that you really examine not only what you are requesting, but how you are requesting it.
Thanks,
Ben