rant about living with parents UPDATE

[EmperorIQ]

I'm not staying for long. I needed to save money this quarter, but I'm definately moving out again when next quarter rolls around!

Living with them in the past 2 weeks has reminded me why I desparately wanted to just stay the heck away from them! They are nosy! They go through my mail, open it, then leave it on the table. Then the other parent will see an open mail, assume its been read, and throw it away!!! I've lost sooo many rebates. My dad sees that I have a rebate, then keeps it at his desk, to give it to me later, but then forgets about it, and never tells me about them until its too late.

My mom threw away a box full of love letters that my girlfriend and I wrote to each other in a period of 1 year, she saw a box with paper in side of it, and thought it was trash, so she threw the WHOLE THING AWAY, that was back in HS, (I'm still with the gf). The box was in my room, on my bookshelf!!!!

My sister saw a gift my gf gave to me, it was a recorder, she tried to listen to what my gf recorded on it, but she pressed the record button instead and recorded over the message!

My dad takes my freaking computer cables (not messy at all, and all on my desk), then proceeds to put it in an area that he finds reasonable. I get home and how I place my own belongings are gone! My Ipod cable is missing right now, and when I ask him where it is, he'll say. "in that drawer" but its freaking NOT.

I'm 21 btw, about to graduate college, and only living at home for 1 quarter this school year to save up some money, afterwards, i'm moving out and never returning!!!

CLIFFS:
Parents and family go through my personal belongings, and rearranges them as they see fit.

UPDATE::

my dad just took a bag that I had with a bunch of things inside, inside of it is one personal item. It wasn't even in the middle of anything, it was in the side of a little room, he just took it out, and looked through it and said: "hey, look through this and tell me what you dont' want so I can throw it away." :|

 

[KLin]

lol your parents are nosy :laugh:.

 

[EmperorIQ]

Originally posted by: KLin
lol your parents are nosy :laugh:.

thanks for laughing.

 

[mdchesne]

Originally posted by: EmperorIQ

I'm 21 btw, about to graduate college, and only living at home for 1 quarter this school year to save up some money, afterwards, i'm moving out and never returning!!!

parent's have no right to open your mial if youre over 18. it's a federal offense. double so if they throw it away. but you wouldn't arrest them now would you?

You should have moved out a long time ago man. You lost the whole college experience by living with your rents. mine live only a mile away from where I am now, but I got the hole college thing going for me

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Grow some bigger balls. You have a problem with them opening your mail? Talk to them about it. Got a problem with them throwing away your stuff? Talk to them about it. Got other problems you'd like to see resolved? Instead of blowing off steam here, save it up and use it when you Talk to them about it.

 

[mdchesne]

uh, nik... have you ever told your mother to stop opening your mail? I did...parents get piiiisssssed when you try to stop them from doing stuff they've always done.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: mdchesne

Originally posted by: EmperorIQ

I'm 21 btw, about to graduate college, and only living at home for 1 quarter this school year to save up some money, afterwards, i'm moving out and never returning!!!

parent's have no right to open your mial if youre over 18. it's a federal offense. double so if they throw it away. but you wouldn't arrest them now would you?

You should have moved out a long time ago man. You lost the whole college experience by living with your rents. mine live only a mile away from where I am now, but I got the hole college thing going for me

You sure it's a federal offense to open other people's mail? I know it's a federal offense to steal mail from mail boxes, but if it's out of the U.S. Government's property (i.e. removed from the mail box), it's not a federal offense to open someone else's mail.

 

[EmperorIQ]

Originally posted by: mdchesne

Originally posted by: EmperorIQ

I'm 21 btw, about to graduate college, and only living at home for 1 quarter this school year to save up some money, afterwards, i'm moving out and never returning!!!

parent's have no right to open your mial if youre over 18. it's a federal offense. double so if they throw it away. but you wouldn't arrest them now would you?

You should have moved out a long time ago man. You lost the whole college experience by living with your rents. mine live only a mile away from where I am now, but I got the hole college thing going for me

no, i did move out, i have been out of the house for 4 years, but i just need to come back for this 1 quarter to save up money for 3 more months, that's all, its just that some of my other mails get sent back home, important letters, that I never know about!

They live only 30 miles away from my school

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: mdchesne
uh, nik... have you ever told your mother to stop opening your mail? I did...parents get piiiisssssed when you try to stop them from doing stuff they've always done.

Yeah, it's because parents have this thing where they go your entire life having to look out for you, wipe your nose, wipe your ass, tell you to eat up, tell you to do your homework, tell you to wash behind your ears, blah blah blah.

Before they know it, you're a man with your own responsibilities. Many parents have a hard time dealing with the fact that they need to let go in order for you to fully appreciate life. Some break down and cry because "awww my boy isn't a baby anymore and I'm so old boohoo" or they get pissed off because you're defying them or something. They NEED to let go, and they WILL eventually. However, just because they don't let go at this very moment doesn't mean the best response is "oh, okay, sorry I'll wait until you're ready to let go so just go ahead and take your sweet time" it's "sucks to be you, now do what needs to be done!"

The short of it is that it doesn't matter whether they get angry about it or not. Bring it to them in a respectful way. If they get pissed, that's their problem. What are you afraid of? Getting grounded? :laugh:

You don't seem to understand the idea of growing bigger balls. It's okay. You will, eventually.

 

[EmperorIQ]

Originally posted by: Nik
Grow some bigger balls. You have a problem with them opening your mail? Talk to them about it. Got a problem with them throwing away your stuff? Talk to them about it. Got other problems you'd like to see resolved? Instead of blowing off steam here, save it up and use it when you Talk to them about it.

i've talked to them about it, it doesn't stop, its their nature. Don't assume that I don't have balls man, I've gotten pretty angry with them, and have openly told them how much it pisses me the hell off. All they say to me is, "I just want to make sure you're getting your important mail in time." or "I just want to help you organize."

=\ its just one of those cases where people mean well.

Edit: Nik lives up to his reputation again!

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: EmperorIQ

Originally posted by: Nik
Grow some bigger balls. You have a problem with them opening your mail? Talk to them about it. Got a problem with them throwing away your stuff? Talk to them about it. Got other problems you'd like to see resolved? Instead of blowing off steam here, save it up and use it when you Talk to them about it.

i've talked to them about it, it doesn't stop, its their nature. Don't assume that I don't have balls man, I've gotten pretty angry with them, and have openly told them how much it pisses me the hell off. All they say to me is, "I just want to make sure you're getting your important mail in time." or "I just want to help you organize."

=\ its just one of those cases where people mean well.

Edit: Nik lives up to his reputation again!

What reputation would you be alluding to? :roll:

Anyway, the next step is to get a PO box and simply have your mail re-routed... or get the fvck out of the house.

Besides, growing balls doesn't mean getting angry all the time.

 

[EmperorIQ]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: EmperorIQ

Originally posted by: Nik
Grow some bigger balls. You have a problem with them opening your mail? Talk to them about it. Got a problem with them throwing away your stuff? Talk to them about it. Got other problems you'd like to see resolved? Instead of blowing off steam here, save it up and use it when you Talk to them about it.

i've talked to them about it, it doesn't stop, its their nature. Don't assume that I don't have balls man, I've gotten pretty angry with them, and have openly told them how much it pisses me the hell off. All they say to me is, "I just want to make sure you're getting your important mail in time." or "I just want to help you organize."

=\ its just one of those cases where people mean well.

Edit: Nik lives up to his reputation again!

What reputation would you be alluding to? :roll:

Anyway, the next step is to get a PO box and simply have your mail re-routed... or get the fvck out of the house.

well, reputation being blunt, and just basically always telling people to stfu and grow up attitude. sorry if you get insulted or anything, i didn't think you'd mind.

 

[bootymac]

Chinese parents? If so, I feel you

 

[EmperorIQ]

Originally posted by: bootymac
Chinese parents? If so, I feel you

yes, chinese

 

[tami]

that sucks, man... you have a nosy family. keep your valuables in a safe place (e.g. under the bed) and get a PO box. seriously, that's probably the best suggestion in this thread.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: EmperorIQ
well, reputation being blunt, and just basically always telling people to stfu and grow up attitude. sorry if you get insulted or anything, i didn't think you'd mind.

Pretty much. I mean, I've had enough of people sugar coating sh|t in life because they're too afraid to face the truth of whatever they choose to sugar coat.

I guess I'm kinda overdoing it in making up for all that

 

[poopaskoopa]

I was gonna say, their house, their rule, but that's fvcked up enough that I sympathize with you. :laugh: Oh yeah, and my mother used to open the letters I received at home while I was away in college too. WTF.

 

[reverend boltron]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: mdchesne
uh, nik... have you ever told your mother to stop opening your mail? I did...parents get piiiisssssed when you try to stop them from doing stuff they've always done.

Yeah, it's because parents have this thing where they go your entire life having to look out for you, wipe your nose, wipe your ass, tell you to eat up, tell you to do your homework, tell you to wash behind your ears, blah blah blah.

Before they know it, you're a man with your own responsibilities. Many parents have a hard time dealing with the fact that they need to let go in order for you to fully appreciate life. Some break down and cry because "awww my boy isn't a baby anymore and I'm so old boohoo" or they get pissed off because you're defying them or something. They NEED to let go, and they WILL eventually. However, just because they don't let go at this very moment doesn't mean the best response is "oh, okay, sorry I'll wait until you're ready to let go so just go ahead and take your sweet time" it's "sucks to be you, now do what needs to be done!"

The short of it is that it doesn't matter whether they get angry about it or not. Bring it to them in a respectful way. If they get pissed, that's their problem. What are you afraid of? Getting grounded? :laugh:

You don't seem to understand the idea of growing bigger balls. It's okay. You will, eventually.

QFT

Nik, I honestly have to say, I rarely agree with your views, but in this you are very correct in your thinking. Erich Fromm wrote about love in one of his books called 'The Sane Society', he is a psychologist for those of you who don't know who he is. He says there are basically three types of love. There is brotherly love, which is mutal love for one another, the love that a man and a man can share (all things typical i.e. heterosexual males), this type of love is what underlies all types of love. It makes sense when you think about it too. Then there is erotic love, this is almost a distorted version of brotherly love where there is almost a degradation of it, replaced with sexuality. And then there is motherly love. Which is flawed from the start. The mother wants to love the child, and keep it to herself. She has an undying devotion to the child and wants to keep it from as much harm as possible. This is a flaw because the child wants to grow up independent of the mother and thus terminates this love when the time is necessary. So this love is destined to fail, but it should be replaced by brotherly love between the child and mother.

This is something that your parents need to learn on their own. It will both strengthen the relationship between you guys and help you to grow as people too. This should have happened when you left the nest the first time. The longer you let this continue the more irrational things will get, and the more you will begin to consider less logical reactions. Nip it in the bud now. That way you'll end up still talking to your parents instead of flipping out on them and yelling and screaming and taking them to court for opening your mail. Seriously.

Good job Nik. I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you're a decent guy.

 

[mdchesne]

Originally posted by: reverend boltron
Nik, I honestly have to say, I rarely agree with your views, but in this you are very correct in your thinking. Erich Fromm wrote about love in one of his books called 'The Sane Society', he is a psychologist for those of you who don't know who he is. He says there are basically three types of love. There is brotherly love, which is mutal love for one another, the love that a man and a man can share (all things typical i.e. heterosexual males), this type of love is what underlies all types of love. It makes sense when you think about it too. Then there is erotic love, this is almost a distorted version of brotherly love where there is almost a degradation of it, replaced with sexuality. And then there is motherly love. Which is flawed from the start. The mother wants to love the child, and keep it to herself. She has an undying devotion to the child and wants to keep it from as much harm as possible. This is a flaw because the child wants to grow up independent of the mother and thus terminates this love when the time is necessary. So this love is destined to fail, but it should be replaced by brotherly love between the child and mother.

This is something that your parents need to learn on their own. It will both strengthen the relationship between you guys and help you to grow as people too. This should have happened when you left the nest the first time. The longer you let this continue the more irrational things will get, and the more you will begin to consider less logical reactions. Nip it in the bud now. That way you'll end up still talking to your parents instead of flipping out on them and yelling and screaming and taking them to court for opening your mail. Seriously.

Good job Nik. I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you're a decent guy.

:Q
this has to be the best, most well-thought response I have ever seen in ATOT (no joke!)
*clouds parting and shining down on the OT forums*
someone who actually reads books... and books that actually pertain to life! We have a cultured person in the OT forums. *restored faith*

 

[MrCodeDude]

My dad steals my FHM and Maxims.

 

[EmperorIQ]

Originally posted by: reverend boltron

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: mdchesne
uh, nik... have you ever told your mother to stop opening your mail? I did...parents get piiiisssssed when you try to stop them from doing stuff they've always done.

Yeah, it's because parents have this thing where they go your entire life having to look out for you, wipe your nose, wipe your ass, tell you to eat up, tell you to do your homework, tell you to wash behind your ears, blah blah blah.

Before they know it, you're a man with your own responsibilities. Many parents have a hard time dealing with the fact that they need to let go in order for you to fully appreciate life. Some break down and cry because "awww my boy isn't a baby anymore and I'm so old boohoo" or they get pissed off because you're defying them or something. They NEED to let go, and they WILL eventually. However, just because they don't let go at this very moment doesn't mean the best response is "oh, okay, sorry I'll wait until you're ready to let go so just go ahead and take your sweet time" it's "sucks to be you, now do what needs to be done!"

The short of it is that it doesn't matter whether they get angry about it or not. Bring it to them in a respectful way. If they get pissed, that's their problem. What are you afraid of? Getting grounded? :laugh:

You don't seem to understand the idea of growing bigger balls. It's okay. You will, eventually.

QFT

Nik, I honestly have to say, I rarely agree with your views, but in this you are very correct in your thinking. Erich Fromm wrote about love in one of his books called 'The Sane Society', he is a psychologist for those of you who don't know who he is. He says there are basically three types of love. There is brotherly love, which is mutal love for one another, the love that a man and a man can share (all things typical i.e. heterosexual males), this type of love is what underlies all types of love. It makes sense when you think about it too. Then there is erotic love, this is almost a distorted version of brotherly love where there is almost a degradation of it, replaced with sexuality. And then there is motherly love. Which is flawed from the start. The mother wants to love the child, and keep it to herself. She has an undying devotion to the child and wants to keep it from as much harm as possible. This is a flaw because the child wants to grow up independent of the mother and thus terminates this love when the time is necessary. So this love is destined to fail, but it should be replaced by brotherly love between the child and mother.

This is something that your parents need to learn on their own. It will both strengthen the relationship between you guys and help you to grow as people too. This should have happened when you left the nest the first time. The longer you let this continue the more irrational things will get, and the more you will begin to consider less logical reactions. Nip it in the bud now. That way you'll end up still talking to your parents instead of flipping out on them and yelling and screaming and taking them to court for opening your mail. Seriously.

Good job Nik. I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you're a decent guy.

great post!

I never said that I didn't like Nik, I agree with him a lot of the times.

 

[reverend boltron]

Originally posted by: mdchesne

Originally posted by: reverend boltron
Nik, I honestly have to say, I rarely agree with your views, but in this you are very correct in your thinking. Erich Fromm wrote about love in one of his books called 'The Sane Society', he is a psychologist for those of you who don't know who he is. He says there are basically three types of love. There is brotherly love, which is mutal love for one another, the love that a man and a man can share (all things typical i.e. heterosexual males), this type of love is what underlies all types of love. It makes sense when you think about it too. Then there is erotic love, this is almost a distorted version of brotherly love where there is almost a degradation of it, replaced with sexuality. And then there is motherly love. Which is flawed from the start. The mother wants to love the child, and keep it to herself. She has an undying devotion to the child and wants to keep it from as much harm as possible. This is a flaw because the child wants to grow up independent of the mother and thus terminates this love when the time is necessary. So this love is destined to fail, but it should be replaced by brotherly love between the child and mother.

This is something that your parents need to learn on their own. It will both strengthen the relationship between you guys and help you to grow as people too. This should have happened when you left the nest the first time. The longer you let this continue the more irrational things will get, and the more you will begin to consider less logical reactions. Nip it in the bud now. That way you'll end up still talking to your parents instead of flipping out on them and yelling and screaming and taking them to court for opening your mail. Seriously.

Good job Nik. I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you're a decent guy.

:Q
this has to be the best, most well-thought response I have ever seen in ATOT (no joke!)
*clouds parting and shining down on the OT forums*
someone who actually reads books... and books that actually pertain to life! We have a cultured person in the OT forums. *restored faith*

Thank you very much

 

[allisolm]

I sympathize with you. I see their behavior as wrong but, for the most part, well-intentioned (except for your sister's actions which were just plain wrong.)

However, yes here it comes - you can't change anyone else's behavior. You can talk to them until you're blue in the face, but if they decide to continue, short of murder or criminal proscecution, there's little you can do to make them change.

So - you have a couple of choices. Live with them and complain or change your behavior. I know that's not fair when they're in the wrong, but it could save your sanity until you get to move out.

If your dad takes your rebates for safekeeping, go to him every day or week and ask if any have arrived. Keep track of them yourself and find out when they get mailed so you can be aware of possible arrival periods. The PO box sounds like a good idea if they are throwing important mail away before you can get it. If someone moves cables you leave out - don't leave them out. Should they move them? No! But, since you know they will, don't give them the chance. As for your sister, next time she pulls a stunt like that, shoot her (just kidding).

It may be inconvenient and unfair but it's only for a short period. Good luck!

 

[C'DaleRider]

I was going to say the PO Box rental was a great step......you can actually put an individual change-of-address in to the PO that would reroute your mail to the PO Box and leave your parent's mail coming to the house. At least this would alleviate some of the problem.