Here are some of the classic questions being asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and answers supplied where appropriate.
Just goes to show how stupid some people are - and that it's a good idea to leave the country in September.
I hear that all Australian women are beautiful. Is that true and if so, can you send me pictures of the available ones? (Italy)
I want to go swimming at Bondi Beach on October 20th. Will I turn blue?(Germany). (More likely brown, considering the effluent...)
Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
(Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...)
Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
(Depends on how much beer you've consumed...)
Which direction should I drive ? Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth ? to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
(Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.)
I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
(Sure, it's only seven thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year and a half ago to get there in time for this October...)
Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
(And accomplish what?)
It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
(I'm not touching this one...)
My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
(Why? We do have toilet paper here...)
Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)
Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
(Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...)
Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
(No. Everybody stinks.)
Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
(Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...)
Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
(This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...)
Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
(Yes. Gay nightclubs.)
Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
(Yes. At Christmas.)
Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
(Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.)
Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
(Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.)
Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
(What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?)
Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
(Another blonde?)
Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
(I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia)
Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
(Face North and you should be about right)
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
(Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.)
I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
(From Liz Taylor, perhaps?)
Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
(Yes. Outdoors.)
I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
Just goes to show how stupid some people are - and that it's a good idea to leave the country in September.
I hear that all Australian women are beautiful. Is that true and if so, can you send me pictures of the available ones? (Italy)
I want to go swimming at Bondi Beach on October 20th. Will I turn blue?(Germany). (More likely brown, considering the effluent...)
Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
(Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...)
Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
(Depends on how much beer you've consumed...)
Which direction should I drive ? Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth ? to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
(Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.)
I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
(Sure, it's only seven thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year and a half ago to get there in time for this October...)
Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
(And accomplish what?)
It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
(I'm not touching this one...)
My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
(Why? We do have toilet paper here...)
Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)
Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
(Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...)
Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
(No. Everybody stinks.)
Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
(Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...)
Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
(This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...)
Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
(Yes. Gay nightclubs.)
Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
(Yes. At Christmas.)
Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
(Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.)
Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
(Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.)
Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
(What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?)
Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
(Another blonde?)
Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
(I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia)
Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
(Face North and you should be about right)
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
(Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.)
I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
(From Liz Taylor, perhaps?)
Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
(Yes. Outdoors.)
I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
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