My friend has been "dating this girl" for 3 years now. They have had a pretty rough relationship, fighting over ex's and jealous issues abound. They both look really good, so they get hit on/flirt alot. The major problem is the fact they have never met in person. They can talk for 5-7 hours a night and have a ton of stuff in common, but enough stuff that is different that they never get bored with each other. The major major problem is meeting. Every time they make a date to meet they both go through self destruct and end up fighting pretty viciously. I am telling him to give it up, but he says they are so perfect that he wants to keep trying. So since he an official super geek who dates online, I got permission from him to post his story here to get advice. Has anyone gone through this can help him out?
Question from a friend.. YAGT
- Thread starter RichardE
- Start date
Originally posted by: UNESC0
they've NEVER met and consider themselves to be in a 3-year relationship?
uhh,
They send each other gifts for xmas/bday/anniversary ect. They have talked to each others families/parents on the phone/over messenger. They try to make it as real as possible apparently.
(friend is sitting beside me)
drinkmorejava
Diamond Member
- Jun 24, 2004
- 3,567
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Sounds like they're both scared of meeting because it'd shatter the images they've created of each other in their minds.
ultimatebob
Lifer
- Jul 1, 2001
- 25,134
- 2,450
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How far does she live from him? If it's less than 2,000 miles, I'm confused why they haven't met already.
Opposite ends of North America, he lives here in London Ontario with me, she lives in San Fransisco.
wasnt there a couple of ATers who went through that and got married
but werent both actually nutjobs?
i cant remember their usernames, however.
but werent both actually nutjobs?
i cant remember their usernames, however.
Toonces
Golden Member
- Feb 5, 2000
- 1,690
- 0
- 76
oh, well I didn't mean to be insensitive in the first remark. I could see how one could consider that a relationship (people talk to "emotionally cheating" when talking/flirting online).
personally, I consider physical attraction and physical contact a large part of any relationship - it's the time spent together, even if nothing is done or said - that can be the most rewarding.
Is there any way that his friends and her friends could arrange a meeting without either knowing? A casual, "look who's here!"
personally, I consider physical attraction and physical contact a large part of any relationship - it's the time spent together, even if nothing is done or said - that can be the most rewarding.
Is there any way that his friends and her friends could arrange a meeting without either knowing? A casual, "look who's here!"
They need to make the date, and keep it, no matter what. Otherwise it'll just keep going like it is. Having friends along would be helpful and make sure everybody feels safe too.
I started chatting and started a relationship with a girl online years ago. After a few months I went to visit her, and moved in with her a few months after that. It was a horrible relationship and ended after a year and a half, but that wasn't because it started out online.
And of course our own BobWilson (now in #neochat on UnderNet) met her boy toy online and talked to him for years before meeting him, and he lives in Germany.
I started chatting and started a relationship with a girl online years ago. After a few months I went to visit her, and moved in with her a few months after that. It was a horrible relationship and ended after a year and a half, but that wasn't because it started out online.
And of course our own BobWilson (now in #neochat on UnderNet) met her boy toy online and talked to him for years before meeting him, and he lives in Germany.
kranky
Elite Member
- Oct 9, 1999
- 21,019
- 156
- 106
They obviously don't care enough about each other to make the effort to meet in person, regardless of what they might say. So that's hardly a relationship.
My advice would be for them to meet as soon as possible, so they can either move forward to the next level or give it up entirely. But three years of chat/phone with no end in sight is not a "real" relationship. It's a security blanket which provides a convenient excuse for not dating real people in person since it clearly consumes all their available spare time.
I am not trying to sound mean, but let's face facts.
My advice would be for them to meet as soon as possible, so they can either move forward to the next level or give it up entirely. But three years of chat/phone with no end in sight is not a "real" relationship. It's a security blanket which provides a convenient excuse for not dating real people in person since it clearly consumes all their available spare time.
I am not trying to sound mean, but let's face facts.
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