question for the ladies

[Fingers]

what exactly are you looking for when you tell a Boyfriend that you don't feel your relationship growing, but your feelings are growing. In general is there anything in particular that you want?

 

[ArkAoss]

oh can i ask one too? what does it mean when she says yes when you ask if she thinks a girl like her could get serious with a computer nerd like me?

 

[Fingers]

are there any ladies in here today who could tell me what they might be thinking if they said that.

 

[Frenchie]

Fingers: She wants a commitment.

 

[ArkAoss]

what about my question?

 

[eyor]

arkoss: she wants to give you a BJ

 

[Fingers]

well, i've been seeing her for just over a year now, and i told her that i can see her in my life forever. I don't know if those are the exact words, but she says she is questioning our relationship, I think she is trying to decide if we could get married someday, and if she doesn't think we can then she might think it would be better to break up now and save herself from more pain. Does this sound logicall, or am i just paronoid.

 

[Frenchie]

ArkAoss: She likes ya man!

Fingers: Your hypothesis makes sense to me. Lots of women do that "is he marriage material" review. How old is she (and u)?

 

[Fingers]

I'm 18 and she is 17. I know that when your dating unless it's only about the sex (which this isn't) then pretty much your looking for the person who someday you will end up marrying. but i think it is just a little too soon to think that far ahead in your life. I just seems like when your 17 you wouldn't be thinking so much about marrage. Just an idea, how would a promise ring sound if that is what she is looking for. Maybe that will garuntee that I am serious about this relationship but don't want to worry about marrage this early in my life. or do you think that would be too much too quick.

 

[Fingers]

anybody have any opinions about this.

 

[ArkAoss]

well she had offered a few times before, i was pretty sure she was joking, but i wanted to make sure she wasn't in it for a quickie, i really do like her, and hope she wants to be serious too.

 

[ArkAoss]

woaw fingers, your that younng and she's looking for serious permanente? either your lucky and she's smart, or she's not thinking too right, yeah, maybe a promise ring, my gf, whom im pretty sure digs me, won't be able to tie the knot till after she finishes school, 2 yrs. but that'd give me time to work up the job chain and stuff, so i could support her. right now my job won't support me, and if me an her were to get hitched now, i couldnt do it. niether of us has a credit history, or our own cars, her dad bought her a truck, but i recently blew the engine on a 10yr old mini van i'd been givin, also she has a son we'd have to care for.

but don't loose hope, my cousin is 19 and will be marrying a good friend of mine (well i never would have known him if it wern't for them being so close) and they'd been waiting quite a few years. so just make sure she knows you can comit, and hope she understands, that to get as serious as marriage requires a little more than love, in this society.

 

[Frenchie]

Fingers:

Wow. That is a little young to be getting that serious. Well, at least it was for me. Everyone is differnet though...Couldnt hurt to go down that route if that is the way you feel and what you want to do.

ArkAoss:

So ask her out. Seems like she likes you and is flirting with you...If she moves too fast, just slow her down a little.

 

[ArkAoss]

i freakin have, she's in training for massage therapy, so she needs "practice people", my mom has a sever pinched nerve/muscle knot that needs weekly sessions to work it out, so she comes over and works on my mom, so my folks love her. . I am definitly all over this. maybe I'll take her to a new years eve bash tomorow night. . . .

 

[Elita1]

The post below is just my humble opinion, but I hope I can be of some help:


ArkAoss---Sounds like she likes you; or at least likes to tease you. If she says yes I guess the best you can do is take it at face value and as always be a gentleman to her

Fingers---There comes a point in a girl's life (usually when she is in a relationship) when she starts to seriously think about the direction her life will take. Will marriage be in the picture? will there be true love?
A girl goes through a lot of very deep emotions at this time. At this age a girl is capable of falling in love very deeply or conversely throw caution to the wind and just do whatever strikes her fancy. As someone said, the relationship can be "up for review" at this time and speculations arise as to where it will go. Every girl has different standards.
I do not presume to know what she meant but from what you said, it sounds like she is telling you that the attraction and liking for you is definitely there; but that the relationship has not moved forward to a more serious level.
My suggestion would be to have a frank talk with her about her feelings on the matter as well as yours. Remember that in dealing with a woman's feelings kindness, openness and honesty are key to help her convey what she wants you to know.
As a few others have mentioned, 17 is VERY young to want a commitment, no matter how mature you may be.
You two should enjoy eachother and life for now and not worry too much about life-long commitment at this time.
However only the 2 of you know your relationship and all this is simply my humble opinion.
I hope I have been a little helpful and I wish you the best
Have a happy New Year!

 

[Yeeny]

Fingers: Your post made my heart skip a beat. My husband and I got serious at the same exact ages you and your GF are now. There is nothing harder than trying to act like an adult, when that kid is still inside of you wanting to get out. Relationships like that can work, but they take so much effort and time, they usually just sputter and die. We made it, but not without learning to grow up, both together and apart. If she is looking for a commitment at seventeen, you really need to re-evaluate your relationship. I am not saying don't do it, but think it through, and know exactly what you are getting into before you leap. Just be careful in what you decide, ok?

 

[Fingers]

Thank you so much for the advise. I really don't want to get too involved this early in my life. And i hope i'm up to her expectations in the "review". I think i will be, but when you care for somone so much you always fear the worst. anyways I'll come back and post an update sometime and let you all know how its going. Thanks again everybody.

Mark

 

[ArkAoss]

cool, its good to see the "technical" in depth expertise of Girl griday and Elita in here. i was just neffin on ya at first, but they certinly helped ya out. it sounds like she likes you, and is waiting for you to make a move. you sound like you like her, if you can't afford a ring.. of any type, a collage of pictures(of you and her), with flowers will show you care. . .

of course im just reiterating what the experts said. .