Question for atheists that grew up in Christian households

Blackjack200

Lifer
May 28, 2007
15,995
1,688
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Figured we could use two religion threads on the first page...

I grew up in a protestant household, church every week. I legitimately believed in God up until about 3 years ago. I suspect my parents know, I never talk about religion at all, and I while I usually visit them once a week, I never go to church with them either (only exception I make is Christmas eve).

I want to tell them, just because I don't want to feel like I'm hiding anything from them, but I also don't want to hurt them needlessly.

Anyone else here reveal their atheism to their parents? How was it received?
 

Saint Nick

Lifer
Jan 21, 2005
17,722
6
81
Just don't make it a topic of discussion. When someone brings it up, tactfully change the subject, exit the conversation, or provide no input.
 

nageov3t

Lifer
Feb 18, 2004
42,808
83
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my sister and her husband are atheist (well, the husband is more agnostic than atheist); my parents are catholic.

they don't particularly give a shit, although my dad did request that she get married in a church and have her children baptised (which my sister acquiesced to, to keep the peace and because she didn't really care one way or the other... when they're old enough, she says that she won't force them to go through the whole first communion/confirmation thing, though she won't protest if they want to)
 

Wyndru

Diamond Member
Apr 9, 2009
7,318
4
76
They probably just think you got lazy and stopped going to church. No need to tell them you don't have faith anymore.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,403
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I wouldn't exactly call myself athiest but I'm certainly not religious. I went to church almost every week from middle school through high school, and youth group. (Methodist)

I certainly didn't believe in Jesus then, either. I was in it for the tits.

:D

(and my mom is a minister)

We haven't outright discussed my lack of belief over an extended conversation, but she understands and, as far as I know, accepts this. My Dad is a non-believer and always has been (brother, I, and dad all were baptized at the same time when I was ~3rd grade), but certainly isn't anti-religion (concepts of religion are evolutionarily tenable, when considering the progression of human civilization).

We never really did church until that time, even though mom was raised very religious (the minister thing was much later in life--2nd career for her and she started Divinity school when I was already in college--so I certainly wasn't raised in the household of a minister).
 
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edro

Lifer
Apr 5, 2002
24,326
68
91
I tell them the truth. I believe in a "greater good" (god), but it isn't Jesus Christ.
I have had a few brief discussions with them about why I don't believe in Christianity and they don't argue.
Christianity isn't something you can argue and win. That is why it is called faith.

As long as you tell them you believe in "god", they should have no problem with you.
 

Alone

Diamond Member
Nov 19, 2006
7,490
0
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I was very blatant about my lack of belief and stopped going to church when I was 15 or so. They didn't mind.
 

Blackjack200

Lifer
May 28, 2007
15,995
1,688
126
I tell them the truth. I believe in a "greater good" (god), but it isn't Jesus Christ.
I have had a few brief discussions with them about why I don't believe in Christianity and they don't argue.
Christianity isn't something you can argue and win. That is why it is called faith.

As long as you tell them you believe in "god", they should have no problem with you.

I'm an atheist. Not sure why you would believe in a 'greater good', but I don't. I believe that there is no god at all. I don't beleive that "nature" is a god, or the cosmos is a god or anything like that.

That's why I think it would be much harder for them to swallow.
 

edro

Lifer
Apr 5, 2002
24,326
68
91
I'm an atheist. Not sure why you would believe in a 'greater good', but I don't. I believe that there is no god at all. I don't beleive that "nature" is a god, or the cosmos is a god or anything like that.

That's why I think it would be much harder for them to swallow.
Yeah, you're screwed. You might as well continue to to live the lie then.

Also, I would explain why I believe in a "god", but you wouldn't care, nor should you.
 

GagHalfrunt

Lifer
Apr 19, 2001
25,284
1,997
126
I grew up as a Catholic. 12 years of Catholic schools, mass on Sundays and holidays, no meat on Fridays during Lent, all the fairy tales. I started to question the invisible man in the sky about the same time I found out the truth about Santa Claus. But at that time there wasn't an internet and my education was done by a Catholic school, so I didn't have the resources needed to make the leap to from believer to disbeliever. Took my first comparative religion course in high school, that lead me to the research materials to discover where the myths came from and all the crimes the Catholics committed to hide the truth. So it was either freshman or sophomore year of high school that I told my parents I didn't believe in that bullshit any more and that I would not be attending mass or observing holy days ever again. They were less than thrilled, but short of dragging me to church against my will there was nothing they could do about it. And there would have been plenty of bloodshed had they tried it that way.
 

ch33zw1z

Lifer
Nov 4, 2004
38,800
19,387
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Your beliefs are your beliefs. I grew up in a strongly religious protestant household, my advice is to say as little about it as possible (unless they push the issue), don't push your beliefs on them, and it probably will be a non issue.

edit: Now that I'm thinking about it...the entire issue only becomes a problem because I have kids. I explain things scientifically, my parents will choose the "God made it that way" option.
 
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JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,542
921
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My Dad is no longer with us but he was never very religious anyway. My Mom believes though and she used to drag all 3 of us to church every Sunday until I was in my teens and I just stopped going.

We don't really talk about it because she knows I think it's a bunch of bullshit. We have had conversations in the past and they have been open and honest with no judgement or guilt trips. I love my Mom but I just don't agree with her on this issue.

My wife has started going to church but for her it's just a social thing she does with her girlfriends. We had some of them over for dinner on Saturday night and they were giving her a hard time because she nods off occasionally during the service (which I thought was funny as hell). We all had a good laugh over that.

My son has gone to church with her a couple times but we don't force him to go and I never go. I think he'd rather stay home and play with his friends or play video games with Dad. :p
 

Blackjack200

Lifer
May 28, 2007
15,995
1,688
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Your beliefs are your beliefs. I grew up in a strongly religious protestant household, my advice is to say as little about it as possible (unless they push the issue), don't push your beliefs on them, and it probably will be a non issue.

I think that's the best way too. The only think I wonder about it what will happen if I ever get married/have a kid and we're not getting married in a church and the kid is not getting baptized.

I guess I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it :p
 

ch33zw1z

Lifer
Nov 4, 2004
38,800
19,387
146
My wife has started going to church but for her it's just a social thing she does with her girlfriends. We had some of them over for dinner on Saturday night and they were giving her a hard time because she nods off occasionally during the service (which I thought was funny as hell). We all had a good laugh over that.

My son has gone to church with her a couple times but we don't force him to go and I never go. I think he'd rather stay home and play with his friends or play video games with Dad. :p

Awesome lol. My wife does the same thing, brings the kids and nods off. :p
 

ch33zw1z

Lifer
Nov 4, 2004
38,800
19,387
146
I think that's the best way too. The only think I wonder about it what will happen if I ever get married/have a kid and we're not getting married in a church and the kid is not getting baptized.

I guess I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it :p

Yea, don't make those issues and your parents probably wont care. If you're all like: "I'M NOT GETTING F'IN MARRIED IN A F'IN CHURCH!", well...that's kinda your fault.
 

Blackjack200

Lifer
May 28, 2007
15,995
1,688
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Yea, don't make those issues and your parents probably wont care. If you're all like: "I'M NOT GETTING F'IN MARRIED IN A F'IN CHURCH!", well...that's kinda your fault.

I think the only way I would get married in a church is if my fiance wanted to. I would let her know that I didn't want to, but I think it's supposed to be her choice in the end...
 

nageov3t

Lifer
Feb 18, 2004
42,808
83
91
I think that's the best way too. The only think I wonder about it what will happen if I ever get married/have a kid and we're not getting married in a church and the kid is not getting baptized.

I guess I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it :p
if you don't believe in God, what's the harm of going through the meaningless rituals just to make your family happy and score some free gifts?
 

Apple Of Sodom

Golden Member
Oct 7, 2007
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Did you have a conversation with them when you stopped believing in Santa Clause?
Did you have a conversation with them when you stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy?
Did you have a conversation with them when you stopped believing in the Easter Bunny?
Did you have a conversation with them when you stopped believing in anything else?

Why even bring it up? I don't let my parents know of all the things I don't believe in.
 

Blackjack200

Lifer
May 28, 2007
15,995
1,688
126
if you don't believe in God, what's the harm of going through the meaningless rituals just to make your family happy and score some free gifts?

That's one way to look at it, the other way is.. at what point do I stop pretending? Do I have my hypothtical kids baptized? Do I have them take communion? Do I have them confirmed? Do I drag them to church on Christmas and Easter?

Edit: and shouldn't my parents respect my decision on the matter? I believe strongly that the answer is yes, the only reason I haven't told them is because I think it could be painful for them.
 
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rcpratt

Lifer
Jul 2, 2009
10,433
110
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I starting being pretty atheist around high school, and my mother's response was to FORCE me to go to church every Wednesday for youth group, every Sunday for church, and again every Sunday night for another youth group thing. My response was to not only not believe in god, but to hate the church entirely.

After college, she's much better about it, although I would say that applies to most things about our relationship. I still go on special occasions like Christmas Eve, Mother's Day, and maybe one more day throughout the year.

I haven't specifically told her that I'm atheist but I'm pretty sure she knows, but I think she's kind of gone with the "he'll find his way on his own" line of thought. I just try to avoid too many religious discussions, but I'll definitely give an eye roll that she can see when she says something over the top.

Methodist, btw. I'm sure it would still be painful if she were Catholic.

I'm glad there are no kids on the way, because the baptism discussing is not one I would want to have.
 

Blackjack200

Lifer
May 28, 2007
15,995
1,688
126
Did you have a conversation with them when you stopped believing in Santa Clause?
Did you have a conversation with them when you stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy?
Did you have a conversation with them when you stopped believing in the Easter Bunny?
Did you have a conversation with them when you stopped believing in anything else?

Why even bring it up? I don't let my parents know of all the things I don't believe in.

My parents didn't believe in any of those things though.
 

gaidensensei

Banned
May 31, 2003
2,851
2
81
That's one way to look at it, the other way is.. at what point do I stop pretending? Do I have my hypothtical kids baptized? Do I have them take communion? Do I have them confirmed? Do I drag them to church on Christmas and Easter?

Regardless of the religion, do you find yourself in agreement with some of the non-God principles lineated by the church?

Abstinence at least up until high school?
Drugs?
General teachings of right and wrongdoing?
Learning to forgive and recognize it?

Some of these principles are harder to teach outside of the church, because it comes in a combo package there and has a good chance at keeping kids out from doing "immoral" things.

Don't get me wrong though. I've been associated with Christianity since sometime in early grade school. Not family, rather neighbors. Up until high school/college where I started deviating and doing my own things. I still go back, or read the bible every now and then to learn what was said about a particular issue.
 

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,542
921
126
That's one way to look at it, the other way is.. at what point do I stop pretending? Do I have my hypothtical kids baptized? Do I have them take communion? Do I have them confirmed? Do I drag them to church on Christmas and Easter?

Edit: and shouldn't my parents respect my decision on the matter? I believe strongly that the answer is yes, the only reason I haven't told them is because I think it could be painful for them.

Why does that have to be decided now? You can always cross that bridge when you come to it...if you come to it.