Question about white moms and names

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slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
Firstly, my wife is white and she does this but has no idea why. This comes from a place of curiosity and not disrespect:

I've been dropping my daughter off to pre-k and noticed something strange about how white moms greet groups of kids: If I walked in to a dozen of my kid's classmates I may say "hey kids..", but almost universally white moms list EVERY kid by their first name, i.e. a dozen kids will equal "hi jason, hi matthew, hi phil, hi cody, hi jessica..."

Firstly, I don't have the brain capacity to remember all 30 classmates names but, beyond that, it seems cultural - why? Is this like the name game that helps with networking, always say a persons name so you remember it? I guess I never saw the value of networking with 4 year olds, or is it a cultural thing?
 
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Strk

Lifer
Nov 23, 2003
10,197
4
76
Weird, I always thought that was just being polite. Who knew it was because I was white?
 
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slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
Strk said:
Weird, I always thought that was just being polite. Who knew it was because I was white?
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Isn't "hey!' or "hi!" equally polite? See, it's strange - I've grown up with universally white friends but when I walk into a bar with people waiting I never say "Hi bob, Hi tom, hi jessica, hi rodney." Yet I've never been called impolite with my "hey!" followed by a wave greeting. It's the specific naming of everyone around that I find strange.
 
ControlD

ControlD

Diamond Member
Apr 25, 2005
5,440
44
91
slackerinabox said:
Isn't "hey!' or "hi!" equally polite? See, it's strange - I've grown up with universally white friends but when I walk into a bar with people waiting I never say "Hi bob, Hi tom, hi jessica, hi rodney." Yet I've never been called impolite with my "hey!" followed by a wave greeting. It's the specific naming of everyone around that I find strange.
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I bet you at least say "Hi Jessica" you old sea captain.
 
edro

edro

Lifer
Apr 5, 2002
24,326
68
91
Generally, women are much more social.
Names seem much more important to women.
My wife knows the names of all her friends' kids.

I kind of know about half the names of MY friends' kids... if I think real hard.

Yes, your observations ring true with me as well.

I generally remember faces and facts about people really well, but can't recall their names.
 
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gururu2

Senior member
Oct 14, 2007
686
1
81
Its a personality thing. Some feel it bolsters esteem and social etiquette in children to afford them such courtesies. Its not a cultural thing its a "love children and pay attention to the current child psychology" thing. Its also a practice done in some small children's storytime groups were the facilitator will greet each child by name before starting. Also agree with edro.
 
SlitheryDee

SlitheryDee

Lifer
Feb 2, 2005
17,252
19
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Placing emphasis on remembering peoples names is just good social skills IMO. People appreciate it when you remember who they are. I don't see it as a white cultural trait though. Knowing that someone cordoned off a specific place in their mind especially for you should feel good for any human. Any person who is conscious of this would use that to their advantage by remembering all the names they can. I imagine that your wife does this with children because once you train yourself to think that way, you can't turn it off. Besides, even though children generally aren't important enough to warrant remembering their names, it's still good practice and you never know when a little good will might pay off.

It is true that some individuals place more importance on this than others, but I can find no evidence that it has anything to do with race or ethnicity. I know people of several races that seem to value remembering names highly. I'm white and I generally don't remember names that well. I still try to remember them because I know it's important to others and calling them by name can get me in their good graces quickly.
 
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slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
gururu2 said:
Its not a cultural thing its a "love children and pay attention to the current child psychology" thing.
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Hm, that's the thing - I LOVE my kids with every fiber of my being, I really couldn't care less about other kids (they all kinda look the same to me).

I don't think it's about loving children, the mom who does it the most is one of those moms who's raising a bully because she doesn't give him structure or discipline, but she remembers every classmate's name! Mother of the year!
 
SamQuint

SamQuint

Golden Member
Dec 6, 2010
1,155
45
91
Mom's are protective. When they talk to their kids about school they want to put a face to the name of a child. So if some kid bullied or harassed their kid they want to know who it is.

They also want to know who their friends are as well and be able to recognize them.
 
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slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
SlitheryDee said:
Placing emphasis on remembering peoples names is just good social skills IMO. People appreciate it when you remember who they are. I don't see it as a white cultural trait though. Knowing that someone cordoned off a specific place in their mind especially for you should feel good for any human. Any person who is conscious of this would use that to their advantage by remembering all the names they can. I imagine that your wife does this with children because once you train yourself to think that way, you can't turn it off. Besides, even though children generally aren't important enough to warrant remembering their names, it's still good practice and you never know when a little good will might pay off.

It is true that some individuals place more importance on this than others, but I can find no evidence that it has anything to do with race or ethnicity. I know people of several races that seem to value remembering names highly. I'm white and I generally don't remember names that well. I still try to remember them because I know it's important to others and calling them by name can get me in their good graces quickly.
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I hear you, I think it does have to do with culture though. I'm asian-american, and the way I was raised, kids names are completely unimportant. In fact, my parents have never called my kids by their first name but use terms of endearment instead (and kids are not allowed to call adults by their names).

It just seems like a lot of energy, considering that we must run into hundreds of kids with dance class, church, activities, etc.
 
S

slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
SamQuint said:
Mom's are protective. When they talk to their kids about school they want to put a face to the name of a child. So if some kid bullied or harassed their kid they want to know who it is.

They also want to know who their friends are as well and be able to recognize them.
Click to expand...

I do see value in that... I completely understand wanting to know the kid's social network, I remember her friends name without a problem because she yammers about them constantly.
 
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drebo

Diamond Member
Feb 24, 2006
7,034
1
81
Around here it's easy...freaking every kid's name is a consonant sound followed by some form of "aiden".
 
pauldun170

pauldun170

Diamond Member
Sep 26, 2011
9,323
5,407
136
slackerinabox said:
Firstly, my wife is white and she does this but has no idea why. This comes from a place of curiosity and not disrespect:

I've been dropping my daughter off to pre-k and noticed something strange about how white moms greet groups of kids: If I walked in to a dozen of my kid's classmates I may say "hey kids..", but almost universally white moms list EVERY kid by their first name, i.e. a dozen kids will equal "hi jason, hi matthew, hi phil, hi cody, hi jessica..."

Firstly, I don't have the brain capacity to remember all 30 classmates names but, beyond that, it seems cultural - why? Is this like the name game that helps with networking, always say a persons name so you remember it? I guess I never saw the value of networking with 4 year olds, or is it a cultural thing?
Click to expand...


All that tells me is that your wife is more involved with day to day stuff than you are.

All the dads who are either stay at home or whose schedules allow them to cover drop offs, PTA meetings, school activities, doctor visits know names as well.
Get to know other parents and you get to know the names of their kids.

I have moms on my train who can barely remember their kid's teachers names. Meanwhile the dads know every kids name, the parents names, who the trouble makers are, who the good kids are...etc, etc.

As for the racial aspect.
No. It's not a "white" thing.
 
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pontifex

pontifex

Lifer
Dec 5, 2000
43,804
46
91
I've met people and 10 minutes later forgot their names...if its people i don't care about or don't expect to see after this 1 meeting, then I don't bother to remember their names. I think i do it sub-consciously too.
 
angminas

angminas

Diamond Member
Dec 17, 2006
3,331
26
91
OP: Hey, that person does things differently than I do. I wonder why?

OP's mind: Probably something to do with their race.

OP: You're right! I'm going to ask some people about it, and the first thing I'm going to mention is her race.
 
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