1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The
ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.
10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,
I'm positive..."
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have
to put him down." "Why, because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's
really heavy"
13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are
5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin, or my younger brother
Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
15. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he
couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are
too high.'
16. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't, I've cut off your arms".
17. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The
ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.
10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,
I'm positive..."
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have
to put him down." "Why, because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's
really heavy"
13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are
5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin, or my younger brother
Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
15. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he
couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are
too high.'
16. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't, I've cut off your arms".
17. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
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