So I'm at a store the other day and what do I see at the register? A nice eye catching display of a cardboard box dispenser that is stocked full of green packs of "Jolt Cola Gum"!
"Funny.", I say to myself. "I don't remember the color green being associated with Jolt cola, but I can overlook this minor infraction.".
The claim on the pretty packaging is that "Two pieces of Jolt gum equal one cup of coffee!".....I figure, "How can I go wrong? Right?". I mean come on, who doesn't have a childhood story of a Jolt cola fueled misdemeanor. Ahhh.....the memories came flooding back.
I took this as a sign that God wanted me to forget my current adult worries and relive my carefree days of youth, so I purchased a pack. Back in the car I hurriedly opened the pack, so excited I dropped a piece between the console and the seat! Not to worry though, I had many more pieces of Jolt Cola coma inducing gum in my hands.
I finally mustered the ability to get a peice from the pack to my mouth when utter disappointment set in. It tasted of failure. I continued chewing though, hoping a caffine fueled buzz could help overcome it's horrid taste.
Five minutes into chewing I spat the vile concoction out the window and cursed the man who created this atrocity that tarnished my fond childhood memories!
Shame on you Jolt Cola.....shame on you indeed!
A$$ Gum
"Funny.", I say to myself. "I don't remember the color green being associated with Jolt cola, but I can overlook this minor infraction.".
The claim on the pretty packaging is that "Two pieces of Jolt gum equal one cup of coffee!".....I figure, "How can I go wrong? Right?". I mean come on, who doesn't have a childhood story of a Jolt cola fueled misdemeanor. Ahhh.....the memories came flooding back.
I took this as a sign that God wanted me to forget my current adult worries and relive my carefree days of youth, so I purchased a pack. Back in the car I hurriedly opened the pack, so excited I dropped a piece between the console and the seat! Not to worry though, I had many more pieces of Jolt Cola coma inducing gum in my hands.
I finally mustered the ability to get a peice from the pack to my mouth when utter disappointment set in. It tasted of failure. I continued chewing though, hoping a caffine fueled buzz could help overcome it's horrid taste.
Five minutes into chewing I spat the vile concoction out the window and cursed the man who created this atrocity that tarnished my fond childhood memories!
Shame on you Jolt Cola.....shame on you indeed!
A$$ Gum
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