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Problems with my dad...UPDATED JUNE 11TH

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you said you have step relations. whose children are they and how old? As an older person, I tend to see evil more than good. Cynicism is not for the young. If they are your step-mom's kids, then there is a good chance that she is using her position to move you out as heir and install her kids as the only family he'll have until death. I'm not saying you are gready but there may be some things in his house that you attach sentimental value. If you leave, then those items are at risk of being obtained by others or sold off for cash.

BTW, you sound like a smart, level-headed kid. this is not angst, this is real life and I applaud your willingness to do the right thing.

Here's a hint: if you feel like you are abandoning him, then stay and be a productive memebr of the household. Get a summer job, tolerate his new wife - you don't have to like her - just accept that she is his wife and there are obligations to her now.
 
Originally posted by: MaxDepth
you said you have step relations. whose children are they and how old? As an older person, I tend to see evil more than good. Cynicism is not for the young. If they are your step-mom's kids, then there is a good chance that she is using her position to move you out as heir and install her kids as the only family he'll have until death. I'm not saying you are gready but there may be some things in his house that you attach sentimental value. If you leave, then those items are at risk of being obtained by others or sold off for cash.

BTW, you sound like a smart, level-headed kid. this is not angst, this is real life and I applaud your willingness to do the right thing.

Here's a hint: if you feel like you are abandoning him, then stay and be a productive memebr of the household. Get a summer job, tolerate his new wife - you don't have to like her - just accept that she is his wife and there are obligations to her now.
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She has no kids. My dad has two kids, both out of college, and my mom has one. who just graduated college.
 
Make your dad happy for two more years till you can move out or go away to college. You don't want to upset him and jeopardize his desire to help you affor college.

It's easier to love your parents when you don't live with them. He's trying to act like a younger man and you're cramping his style. Stay out of his way, and he'll probably be easier to deal with.
 
Great post - it's so good I'm almost getting suspicious, but I'll answer in good faith 🙂


I cannot relate to the rest of the story, but I think your father has a lot in common with mine.
So I'd say you should move in with your mom but stay in touch. Try finding some sort of common ground that works for both of you - going to a sports event, watching a movie, dinner - whatever works for you.

Talking on the phone with my dad is ok - we share jokes and talk well. Put us in the same house for more than 24 hours and we are at each others throats.

We have never been close and don't have any way of talking of feelings with each other. Also, we both take pride in being good at what we do. Alpha Males - too simple, but something in that direction.
I suspect you two have something of the same.

A certain distance might ease things a little - give both time to think and digest.

As for money and wills - that would really poison your relationship.


Your moving away should be something of a wake-up call for him. I guess he'll either shut you out completely or respect your decision. Yes, it's a risk, but I think you'd better take it.

Either way, you get on with life.
At 16, you'll have enough turbulence in your own life without shouldering the life of your parents.


---
Sorry, my geek genes cannot resist - and I'm not even good at math -16-32-64-
 
You're in a tight spot. My parents split when I was ten.

I read this book a few years ago. Even at 30+ it helped me to understand a lot of things that had always been buried in the back of my mind. A lot of things just clicked after reading it.


Probably the most unfair thing for a kid in this situation is the necessity to maintain two homes with two sets of rules and two radically different environments. (I know I hated it) You've even made comments to that effect: You'd like to begin a relationship in one home that would be unacceptable in the other.

I'll give you a thumbs up though. It's not easy to do what you're doing and you seem to be handling things in a mature manner. Keep it up. And do yourself a favor and pick that book up. I wish it had been around when I was 16.
 
I say it's the lesser of two evils, your dad's GF or your mom's BF. I think if you KNOW you dont like the GF then i guess you should just try living w/ your mom permanently. Just get involved in your school and be home as little as possible. Once college comes around you can move out and away from the situation.
 
Originally posted by: God On Alcohol
puberty?
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Jackass?

Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy
You're in a tight spot. My parents split when I was ten.

I read this book a few years ago. Even at 30+ it helped me to understand a lot of things that had always been buried in the back of my mind. A lot of things just clicked after reading it.


Probably the most unfair thing for a kid in this situation is the necessity to maintain two homes with two sets of rules and two radically different environments. (I know I hated it) You've even made comments to that effect: You'd like to begin a relationship in one home that would be unacceptable in the other.

I'll give you a thumbs up though. It's not easy to do what you're doing and you seem to be handling things in a mature manner. Keep it up. And do yourself a favor and pick that book up. I wish it had been around when I was 16.
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Thanks for your advice. I'll try to pick up that book if it's at my local library.

Originally posted by: Grimner
Great post - it's so good I'm almost getting suspicious, but I'll answer in good faith 🙂


I cannot relate to the rest of the story, but I think your father has a lot in common with mine.
So I'd say you should move in with your mom but stay in touch. Try finding some sort of common ground that works for both of you - going to a sports event, watching a movie, dinner - whatever works for you.

Talking on the phone with my dad is ok - we share jokes and talk well. Put us in the same house for more than 24 hours and we are at each others throats.

We have never been close and don't have any way of talking of feelings with each other. Also, we both take pride in being good at what we do. Alpha Males - too simple, but something in that direction.
I suspect you two have something of the same.

A certain distance might ease things a little - give both time to think and digest.

As for money and wills - that would really poison your relationship.


Your moving away should be something of a wake-up call for him. I guess he'll either shut you out completely or respect your decision. Yes, it's a risk, but I think you'd better take it.

Either way, you get on with life.
At 16, you'll have enough turbulence in your own life without shouldering the life of your parents.


---
Sorry, my geek genes cannot resist - and I'm not even good at math -16-32-64-
Click to expand...

That's pretty much exactly what I was thinking; visiting/talking enough not to break the relationship. I play piano, and practice on a daily basis, and the piano is at his house, so no matter what I'd have an obligation to go to the house, which would be good to make sure we stay in touch.
 
A lot of good advice in this thread, but I have a question. You said that your father made those two remarks one after the other, right? The ones about maybe you should live with your mother permanently and then the other about him not having a lot of life left in him. What do you think he meant by that?

Do you think he said the thing about living with your mother because the two of you had just had an fight and then the other later because he was thinking that he didn't really want you to move out because he's getting older and thinking that you shouldn't waste the opportunity to have as much time together as possible now? Could he have been trying to guilt you into thinking that you should be more cooperative and try to see things more his way because of that? Or could he have just been saying that he's feeling old and tired and doesn't want to waste what time he has left in fights and arguments over whatever is causing problems between the two of you?

Isn't there anything you could do to make living with your father a little less contentious?
 
As much as you are going to hate meeting the man your mother is with, you will meet him at one point and if it isnt him, it will be some other male. I would hate to accept it as well, but in your case you need to just move in with your mom and when you meet him, you meet him.

This is the only problem with your mother.

As soon as you graduate, go away to school and live on champus. When you graduate you can get out of both of their houses and visit when you feel like it.
 
That's the problem with kids today, they can't make their own decision. Even after they graduate from college, their parents still make decision for them.

It's no wonder all these kids with 4.00 GPA from Ivy League school can't function and hold jobs. They are directionless without momma and daddy telling them what to do.
 
Originally posted by: bennylong
That's the problem with kids today, they can't make their own decision. Even after they graduate from college, their parents still make decision for them.

It's no wonder all these kids with 4.00 GPA from Ivy League school can't function and hold jobs. They are directionless without momma and daddy telling them what to do.
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The OP is 16. He's asking for help from more , um, I can't really say mature because that doesn't apply here, experienced people. He's stuck in a crappy situation. I wish I had some good advice, SLCentral. Good luck!
 
His dad is doing a good thing, letting him make his own decision. Parents need to cut their cut off early. At work, I have to sit next to parents that call their 26 years old son that's still in college. Pretty pathetic.
 
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