More details of what you are doing, what you are seeing, and the dialog you get would help. For example, what do you mean by "then it says either me or her are not on"...not on what? An ILS server? Messenger? The internet? Then you say "tried the same with MSN"...do you mean MSN Messenger?
Just on a first hunch, I'm assuming when you say "MSN" you mean "MSN Messenger". And then you right-click your friend and choose Start NetMeeting, correct? When you can't connect, this is usually because NetMeeting cannot resolve the IP address correctly. A very common reason NetMeeting cannot resolve the IP is because one or both of you are behind a router or NAT, and do not have external IP address(es) with the 'net.
You also mention "blank images" in MSN. So this would assume you are both using XP, in which caser you cannot start a NetMeeting conference via Messenger.
So until some details are added, it's a little too confusing to narrow down your problem.