Post your professor/teacher's quotes

[Bluga]

-I am Dmitrevsky, and I have the misfortune of teaching this class.

-My office hours are whenever I'm there.

-O.K. whip your calculators out and calculate it.

-btw, this is not a cafeteria

-Now you are about to face one of your biggest disappointments

-What worries me is the fate of the chalk.

-A student has a potential - sometimes.

-The three of you! leave the class!!

-I don't want you to know what I am talking about.

-A politician - obviously an ignorant idiot, by definition...

-Since we are doomed to have our last lecture in a blackout, would some of you get up and open as many curtains as possible.

-Excuse me?!?!

-There is no easy proof.

-Just give me a number and I will solve it.

-Give me any delta, and I will find you an epsilon

-Unfortunately I cannot control what I say.

-At this point in the term it starts looking hopeless.

-If you get stuck on a problem like this, the thing to do is to keep writing expressions that you know to be true.

-The Vikings were the most advanced race in Europe, as they raided and luted and raped and pillaged wherever they went

-As Newton proved, you don't have to be a nice person to be a genius.

-Sit down and shut up.

-That's just stone dumb.

-That's all for today.

 

[Francodman]

"You have to shabang it until it's shabanged out!"

 

[AreaCode707]

Do you write these down to remember them? I've got some teachers with hysterical lines but I don't recall any at the moment.

 

[Ameesh]

*&*&*foo->bar++;

 

[Bluga]

<< Do you write these down to remember them? I've got some teachers with hysterical lines but I don't recall any at the moment. >>



actually the profs said so many times that we kind of remember

 

[Pastore]

my english professor is a genius... i should take notes of some of his thoughts... i could pick his brain for hours...

today we were talking about how advanced the ancient egyptians were... how they had batteries and used electricity to make gold plated statues... this is hilarious... when we excevated their land we found gold plated rock... then the equivalent of duracell batteries...

his exact words were "could be described as the Walmart of Egypt"

 

[bubbadu]

We keep a secret tally on how many times my math teacher was said the word "piece".. she has said it over 2,000 times just this year... she has also said "in terms of" over 200 times... LOL

-Bubbadu

 

[Antoneo]

- Uhh guys... Get your ass in gear.

- The rings gonna bell in 37 seconds.

- Alright my little bunch of monkeys...

- What the... *looks at all the hands of people who are having trouble building the circuit* Alright, I'm going to take a 45 second break.

- Well, I have a date tonight.

- (the next day) Last night was horrible, we went to a bar that I totally hated.

- My thesis during college was on a neurotransmitter directly relating to cannibus.

 

[gittyup]

"Just remember green side up."

He would say this to students who were not paying attention. Remember the sod goes green side up when your laying it as your job.

 

[Scouzer]

Gr 9 hehe

"You guys are a bunch of assholes!!! Yeah thats right! ASSHOLES!"

 

[Schlocemus]

::Evil Smile::
(You know when you do something bad )

 

[cchen]

"Oh well.... life is a sh!t sandwich"

 

[minendo]

"I know you guys dont want to be here and I sure in hell dont want to be here either, but they are paying me $500 a lecture so I am going to do it."

 

[Jfur]

-"I want you to have this..." [hands me creepy picture of a Chinese "accupuncture cow"]

-"Write me a paper on how S & M contradicts the Bible. You know about that don't you?" (he was later fired for an accumulation of such things)

-"I HATE garlic because one time I had this garlic enema and was sick for weeks!"

-"When I was 4, I peed on the tv cord and electrocuted my wang" (same guy as garlic enema)

-" You CANNOT fire your mistress" (spoken in a management class with spittle flying)

 

[fatalbert]

My high school physics teacher,

I assume all of you are gay.

You can be a flaming heterosexual and still enjoy a good spanking.

(not exactly a quote but...) laughing at a student whom he just gave a 99 for the quarter because he calculated his average to be 99.49.

Your a slimeball

A good fart joke is still funny(this came at the end of explaining what jokes are funny at what age, this was too long to remember)

My HS AP Englsh teacher,

Cows are big animals.

I will bury you in the subbasement.

There is nothing on the agenda today.

 

[Zenmervolt]

-Some springs cannot be squeezed because they are already squozen.

-The problem with doing hallucinogen research on rats is that it's really hard to tell if a rat is trippin'.

-If you want to feel elated, I reccommend cocaine or crack.

-Altered states of consciousness aren't bad.

-Little kids are like biological weapons.

-Drugs will make you feel wonderful.

-If you're going to carry drums, don't do it in Turkey.

-You don't want to have bleeps as friends.

-Family and friends suck, strangers are perfectly OK.

-I'm off my medication again.

-The problem with Halloween this year is that there was a disturbing lack of M.I.L.F.s bringing kids around.

-It wasn't from drinking, it's because he had a roommate with a sword.

-I've got M.I.L.F.s on the mind, that's why I stand behind a desk when I lecture.

-So what do you do? You come home and you kick the schnauser across the living room. Or better yet a yorkie; it would carry farther. A hamster would be even better.

-Reality is only for people who can't handle drugs.

-PMS is a mental disorder.

-It would be great to get drunk on meade and go around whacking people with a sword.

Except for the first quote, which was from a Physics Professor, these all came from last semester's Psych Professor.

ZV

EDIT: Almost forgot this term's Mythology Professor. She used the word "um" 46 times in 10 minutes. I stopped counting after that.

 

[johneetrash]

okay im not exaggerating at all.

me and my friend did tallies on how many times he says "what" in one sitting... like he'd go "so macroeconomics is.. what? ... the study of blha blah blah" and like he woudlnt give us time to answer it.. he'd like say.. what? and then ansdwer it all fast... and then after each sentence he'd say "mmkae" a la south park..

but yah the class was about 2 hours long and i only tallied for 30 minutes... i got 174 "whats" and like 126ish "mmkaes"...

i HATED that class because it was freakin bugging me that he kept saying that and ughasgd lkjasdf;lk

 

[Arschloch]

"My eye is throbbing... whenever I become very intense, my eye begins to throb."

"Later in life, he had a degenital disease..."

 

[AreaCode707]

Okay, remembered one, even without notes.

From Communications professor who is discussion 'onions' - layers of getting to know people, as well as talking about specialized language between a group of people acquainted with one another.

"So, after class you can go up to the hottie next to you and tell her you wanna get deeper into her onion."

 

[Jfur]

<< "My eye is throbbing... whenever I become very intense, my eye begins to throb."
>>



Could you keep a straight face? -- I doubt I could!

 

[SaturnX]

Law Teacher:
"You're lucky I'm not a student, because if I was, I'd kick your ass"

English Teacher (She's Irish)
"I don't care if the glass is half full or half empty, all I care about is who's buying the next round"

The Irish thing realy explains it doesn't it

--Mark

 

[bugsysiegel]

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Info Systems teacher.

 

[AreaCode707]

A different communications prof by the name of Bob Alto: Caps = yelling

"You can miss one class period without any penalty, so if you take some HOTTIE or some HUNK out to Lake Mendocino at night to watch the submarine races, you don't get penalized for it the next day."

"Like this shirt? I got it for TWO DOLLARS. TWO DOLLARS. That's using the Bob Alto Method. Cause BOB LIKES GOOD DEALS."

 

[ViperMagic]

"OK guys, I have a wild weekend, and I have a horrible hangover, so keep the noise down, and the period is yours"
-French Teacher

"<question> folks? The answer is <yes/no>"
reaper 100x daily
-Geometry teacher

 

[CanOWorms]

I have a DSP Hardware professor who prefers to be called "Snake" and says that he can be found in the evenings in EverQuest if you have a question for him. Oh yeah, on the first day he wore a sweater that had a snake on it