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Post your funny joke here!

B

bolsen

Senior member
Watching too much CNN. Need to cheer up.
Post some funny jokes 🙂

TIA

🙂

PS. Marines are way cooler than ninjas.
 
"You know the world is going crazy when
the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy,
the Swiss hold the America's Cup,
France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance
and Germany doesn't want to go to war."
 
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you because I was pissed

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
 
Originally posted by: CadetLee
"You know the world is going crazy when
the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy,
the Swiss hold the America's Cup,
France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance
and Germany doesn't want to go to war."
Click to expand...

nice
 
Dear Abby,

I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun,
and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to an Australian.

My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana
and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.
I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mt. Eden Prison,
Auckland, for the rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994,
the other currently being held in the Wellington remand center on charges of incest with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch
and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel; however, her time there is limited as she has
recently been infected with an STD.

We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility
of opening our own brothel with my fiance utilizing her knowledge of the industry,
working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team.
Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves,
at least, it would get them off the streets, and hopefully, the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family
and, of course, I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being employed by Microsoft ?
 
*The Illiterate Police Man*

Police man responds to the scene of an accident: Hrmmm.. White Chevy Cavalier. Front tires appear to have blown out. Car is missing roof. Man is under roof and head is in the ditz... ditsch? dech? Awww fuggettaboutit! (kicks head)...INTERSECTION! 😉
----

Told to me by a police officer waiting in line at a Sunoco. 😉
 
Bart "Hey dad, what is black and white and has flashing lights?"
Homer "I dunno, what?"
Bart "The cop car behind us."

I was sitting on a park bench while taking a break from riding my bike, a women came by and said "is that a roll of pennies in your pants?" so I said "Yep, want me to bang some cents into you?"
 
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