post your best corny jokes!
- Thread starter nick1985
- Start date
AgaBoogaBoo
Lifer
- Feb 16, 2003
- 26,108
- 5
- 81
Why did the frog go to the hospital?
To get a hoperation
Why do seagulls live near the sea?
Answer: If they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels.
Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
Answer: To a mewseum.
What do you call a bull when it's asleep?
Answer: A bulldozer.
What kind of luggage did the turkey vulture take on his airplane trip?
Answer: Carrion.
Why is a bear's nose in the middle of his face?
Answer: Because it's the scenter.
What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
Answer: It stole the show.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
Cartoon frog Answer: Can I hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand?
What do you call a grasshopper with an injured leg?
Answer: Unhoppy!
What do frogs order at a fast food restaurant?
Answer: French flies and a diet Croak.
Which game did the coyote want to play with the mouse?
Answer: Catch.
What do you get when you cross a bullsnake with a porcupine?
Answer: Six feet of barbed wire.
What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
Cartoon of a skunk Answer: Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked in to her courtroom?
Answer: Odor in the court.
What do skunks do when they get angry?
Answer: They raise a stink.
What kind of parrot can tell time?
Answer: A ?clockatiel.?
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
Answer: A walkie-talkie.
What is the difference between a cougar and a comma?
Answer: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
A frog telephoned Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
?Wow!? the frog said, "That's wonderful! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
Where do coyotes go when they lose their tails?
Cartoon of a crow Answer: To the retail store.
What kind of dog tells time?
Answer: A watch dog.
Why do hummingbirds hum?
Answer: Because they don't know the words.
Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
Answer: To a crow bar.
Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
Answer: She wanted to make a long-distance caw.
What do you call a Fly without wings?
Answer: A walk.
A man with a lizard on his head walks into the doctor's office. The doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?" And the lizard replies, "Well doctor... it's this thing that's hanging from my bottom."
What do you call a royal rabbit?
Cartoon of Bald Eagle Answer: A hare to the throne.
How do you identify a bald eagle?
Answer: All his feathers are combed over to one side.
There were two fish in a tank, one said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Answer: Toad.
What holiday is always observed by birds?
Answer: Feather's Day!
What do you call an accidental bird collision?
Answer: A feather bender.
What do you call a formal dance for ducks?
Answer: A fowl ball.Cartoon of a chicken
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
Answer: To get to the other slide.
Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
Answer: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.
What do you call a cow murder mystery?
Answer: A moo-done-it.
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Answer: A "FSHhh."
What did the father buffalo say to the boy buffalo when he left for school?
Cartoon of an angry rabbit Answer: Bison!
What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
Answer: Hot cross bunnies!
How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car?
Answer: Put him in the front seat.
Why does a tiger have stripes?
Answer: So he won't be spotted.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Answer: If they dropped them, they'd break.
What did the rock tell the geologist?
Answer: I'm gneiss, so don't take me for granite. Cartoon of a cat and fish bowl
What do you get when you cross a four leaf clover and poison ivy?
Answer: A rash of good luck!
What runs but never walks?
Answer: A river.
Why can you never have just one parakeet?
Answer: Because there's always a PAIR a' keets!
What kind of tree do fingers grow on?
Answer: A palm tree!
How do birds stop themselves in the air?
Answer: With air brakes.
If we breathe oxygen in the daytime, what do we breathe at night?
Answer: Nitrogen.
How did the big mountain know that the little mountain was fibbing?
Cartoon slug Answer: Because it was only a bluff.
What do you call a lazy snail?
Answer: A slug.
What advice can you give a fish so he can avoid being caught?
Answer: Don't fall for any old line.
If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
Answer: An umbrella.
If you throw a pumpkin in the air, what comes down?
Answer: Squash.
Why is the sea so powerful?
Answer: Because it has so many mussels.
What animal talks a lot?
Cartoon mosquito Answer: A yak.
Which insects are known as ?arithmetic bugs??
Answer: Mosquitoes. They add to misery, subtract from pleasure, divide your attention, and multiply quickly.
What did the grasshopper say to the cockroach?
Answer: "Bug, you man me!"
What did the mother worm say to the little worm who was late?
Answer: ?Where in earth have you been?"
What did the dirt say to the rain?
Answer: ?If this keeps up, my name will be mud."
What animals didn't come on the Ark in pairs?
Answer: Worms. They came in apples.
What is black and yellow and goes zzub, zzub?
Answer: A bee going backwards.
What was the highest mountain before Mt. Everest was discovered?
Cartoon of a mouse Answer: Mt. Everest.
Why do cows wear bells?
Answer: Because their horns don't work.
Why do flies walk on the ceiling?
Answer: If they walked on the floor, someone might step on them.
Why did the mouse want to move to a better house?
Answer: She was tired of living in a hole in the wall.
To get a hoperation
Why do seagulls live near the sea?
Answer: If they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels.
Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
Answer: To a mewseum.
What do you call a bull when it's asleep?
Answer: A bulldozer.
What kind of luggage did the turkey vulture take on his airplane trip?
Answer: Carrion.
Why is a bear's nose in the middle of his face?
Answer: Because it's the scenter.
What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
Answer: It stole the show.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
Cartoon frog Answer: Can I hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand?
What do you call a grasshopper with an injured leg?
Answer: Unhoppy!
What do frogs order at a fast food restaurant?
Answer: French flies and a diet Croak.
Which game did the coyote want to play with the mouse?
Answer: Catch.
What do you get when you cross a bullsnake with a porcupine?
Answer: Six feet of barbed wire.
What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
Cartoon of a skunk Answer: Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked in to her courtroom?
Answer: Odor in the court.
What do skunks do when they get angry?
Answer: They raise a stink.
What kind of parrot can tell time?
Answer: A ?clockatiel.?
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
Answer: A walkie-talkie.
What is the difference between a cougar and a comma?
Answer: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
A frog telephoned Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
?Wow!? the frog said, "That's wonderful! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
Where do coyotes go when they lose their tails?
Cartoon of a crow Answer: To the retail store.
What kind of dog tells time?
Answer: A watch dog.
Why do hummingbirds hum?
Answer: Because they don't know the words.
Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
Answer: To a crow bar.
Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
Answer: She wanted to make a long-distance caw.
What do you call a Fly without wings?
Answer: A walk.
A man with a lizard on his head walks into the doctor's office. The doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?" And the lizard replies, "Well doctor... it's this thing that's hanging from my bottom."
What do you call a royal rabbit?
Cartoon of Bald Eagle Answer: A hare to the throne.
How do you identify a bald eagle?
Answer: All his feathers are combed over to one side.
There were two fish in a tank, one said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Answer: Toad.
What holiday is always observed by birds?
Answer: Feather's Day!
What do you call an accidental bird collision?
Answer: A feather bender.
What do you call a formal dance for ducks?
Answer: A fowl ball.Cartoon of a chicken
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
Answer: To get to the other slide.
Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
Answer: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.
What do you call a cow murder mystery?
Answer: A moo-done-it.
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Answer: A "FSHhh."
What did the father buffalo say to the boy buffalo when he left for school?
Cartoon of an angry rabbit Answer: Bison!
What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
Answer: Hot cross bunnies!
How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car?
Answer: Put him in the front seat.
Why does a tiger have stripes?
Answer: So he won't be spotted.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Answer: If they dropped them, they'd break.
What did the rock tell the geologist?
Answer: I'm gneiss, so don't take me for granite. Cartoon of a cat and fish bowl
What do you get when you cross a four leaf clover and poison ivy?
Answer: A rash of good luck!
What runs but never walks?
Answer: A river.
Why can you never have just one parakeet?
Answer: Because there's always a PAIR a' keets!
What kind of tree do fingers grow on?
Answer: A palm tree!
How do birds stop themselves in the air?
Answer: With air brakes.
If we breathe oxygen in the daytime, what do we breathe at night?
Answer: Nitrogen.
How did the big mountain know that the little mountain was fibbing?
Cartoon slug Answer: Because it was only a bluff.
What do you call a lazy snail?
Answer: A slug.
What advice can you give a fish so he can avoid being caught?
Answer: Don't fall for any old line.
If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
Answer: An umbrella.
If you throw a pumpkin in the air, what comes down?
Answer: Squash.
Why is the sea so powerful?
Answer: Because it has so many mussels.
What animal talks a lot?
Cartoon mosquito Answer: A yak.
Which insects are known as ?arithmetic bugs??
Answer: Mosquitoes. They add to misery, subtract from pleasure, divide your attention, and multiply quickly.
What did the grasshopper say to the cockroach?
Answer: "Bug, you man me!"
What did the mother worm say to the little worm who was late?
Answer: ?Where in earth have you been?"
What did the dirt say to the rain?
Answer: ?If this keeps up, my name will be mud."
What animals didn't come on the Ark in pairs?
Answer: Worms. They came in apples.
What is black and yellow and goes zzub, zzub?
Answer: A bee going backwards.
What was the highest mountain before Mt. Everest was discovered?
Cartoon of a mouse Answer: Mt. Everest.
Why do cows wear bells?
Answer: Because their horns don't work.
Why do flies walk on the ceiling?
Answer: If they walked on the floor, someone might step on them.
Why did the mouse want to move to a better house?
Answer: She was tired of living in a hole in the wall.
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