Post the best Simpsons quotes

[edtsui]

Khlav Khalash Stand Guy: Mountain Dew or Crab Juice
Homer: Ewwwwwwwww, I'll take a Crab Juice

 

[trOver]

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

 

[Quasmo]

Hey don't put that in my ass!!!

-Hariet Tubman

 

[trOver]

just remembered:

Homer: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T...(while dancing in living room lighting college degree on fire)

 

[fallensight]

Homer sitting at the kitchen table, with burns and smithers suction cupped to the cealing.
"mm, 64 slices of american cheese. 63 umg. 62 umg......2..umg..1..umg"
in walks Marge "Homer!, have you been up all night eating cheese?"
Homer "I think I'm blind"

A very obese Homer has just fallen into the reactor vent and prevented a disaster, getting his butt stuck in the hole.
Lisa: I find it ironic that a thinner man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: I find it Ironic, that for once, dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas

 

[Kelvrick]

Originally posted by: GZDynastar
Homer: "Marge.. I'm not gonna lie to you.... well... see ya later.."
(trucks off with wheel burrow that has bowling balls full of booze)

OLD:

bart puts homers last Duff in a paint shaker

Bart: "APRIL FOO....." KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM beer explodes
Wigum seeing explosion: "looks like an explosion at the old simpson place... looks like beer.. will proceed on foot.."

I think you messed that one up. Something like

... coming from the old simpson place... and what looks to be beer and pretzels something something.

 

[sobriquet]

Originally posted by: Kelvrick

Originally posted by: GZDynastar
Homer: "Marge.. I'm not gonna lie to you.... well... see ya later.."
(trucks off with wheel burrow that has bowling balls full of booze)

OLD:

bart puts homers last Duff in a paint shaker

Bart: "APRIL FOO....." KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM beer explodes
Wigum seeing explosion: "looks like an explosion at the old simpson place... looks like beer.. will proceed on foot.."

I think you messed that one up. Something like

... coming from the old simpson place... and what looks to be beer and pretzels something something.

I'm too lazy to look it up right now, but it's something like:
Lou: That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place!
Wiggum: Forget it, that's two blocks away.
Lou: It looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney!
Wiggum: I am proceeding on foot, call in a code 8 (or something like that).
Lou (over the radio): We need pretzels. I repeat, pretzels.

 

[holden j caufield]

my eyes, these goggles do nothing

 

[holden j caufield]

Homer on a shopping cart

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Must kill Moe
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Must kill Moe
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



Someone needs the whole dialog when Homer buys a gun

 

[sobriquet]

Clerk: Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit. Holster...
Homer: Oh, yeah.
Clerk: Bandolier.
Homer: Baby.
Clerk: Silencer.
Homer: Mmhmm.
Clerk: Loudener.
Homer: <drools>
Clerk: Speed-cocker.
Homer: Ooh, I like the sound of that.
Clerk: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
Homer: Oh, I don't need anything like that...yet. Just give me my gun.
Clerk: Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.
Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now! I'd kill you if I had my gun!
Clerk: Yeah, well, you don't.

Later in the episode:
I'm sorry I lied to you, Marge. But this gun had a hold on me. I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

 

[Wheezer]

Homer: "Sweet Merciful Crap!"

Homer : No one believes me.
Bart : I believe you, dad.
Homer : Then can you stop the cats from swearing?

 

[pyonir]

Homer: Florida!? But that's America's wang!

 

[ta8689]

Ralph- "I'm Happy AND ANGRY!"
http://www.simpsoncrazy.com/ralph/media/sounds/happyangry.mp3
take a listen for yourself

 

[M0oG0oGaiPan]

"She needs premium dude! Premiummmmm!" -Snake
Daddy, daddy, I'm stealing I'm stealing. That's my little dude. <unsure about the accuracy of this one>

 

[holden j caufield]

Originally posted by: sobriquet
Clerk: Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit. Holster...
Homer: Oh, yeah.
Clerk: Bandolier.
Homer: Baby.
Clerk: Silencer.
Homer: Mmhmm.
Clerk: Loudener.
Homer: <drools>
Clerk: Speed-cocker.
Homer: Ooh, I like the sound of that.
Clerk: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
Homer: Oh, I don't need anything like that...yet. Just give me my gun.
Clerk: Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.
Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now! I'd kill you if I had my gun!
Clerk: Yeah, well, you don't.

Later in the episode:
I'm sorry I lied to you, Marge. But this gun had a hold on me. I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

ROFL thanks

 

[TheSiege]

Millhouse "Remember that time when your dog ate my goldfish? and then you told me i never had a goldfish? then why did i have the bowl bart, why did i have the bowl?"

the whole episode of "summer of 4ft 2"

 

[DougK62]

I bent my wookie!

 

[NissanGurl]

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

-Homer "The Shinning" Treehouse of Horror V

Said as Homer finds a small portable television in the snow will chasing after his family with an axe trying to kill them...classic

 

[hoorah]

The "Me fail english" quote from ralph wsa the first one I thought of, but its already been posted. So....from one of the treehouse of horror episodes:

Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a Vampire, Beer kills brain cells. Now, lets all go home to that ....building thingy where our beds and TV.....is.

Woman: Your son was trespassing on my property and destroyed a very valuable stone gargoyle, and -- Are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer: I have misplaced my pants.

 

[SoulAssassin]

Homer: Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.


Moe: Say, Barn. Remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
Barney: Oh ho, oh yeah. We all had a good laugh, Moe.
Moe: The results came back today.


Lunch lady: They've even got groundskeeper Willie teaching French.
(Cut to Willy in a classroom)
Willie: Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheese-eating_surrender_monkeys

 

[AMCRambler]

Homer: "Sweet merciful crap! My car!!!"

 

[Cristatus]

How ironic. I am listening to .977 The Hitz Channel's internet radio station, and their message comes up reminding us that this is .977 The Hitz Channel, and in the background, there's Homer saying:

The internet? That thing still around?

Gotta love them both! (the radio station and Homer)

 

[edro]

Originally posted by: everman
I ated the purple berries
It tastes like ... burning

My fav!

 

[Kelemvor]

Originally posted by: Shadowknight
"No Beer and no TV make Homer something something."
"...Go crazy?"
"DON'T MIND IF I DO!!!"

That's the first one I thought of too.

 

[SirChadwick]

Lionel Hutz:

Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."