Post a joke

[RadiclDreamer]

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said, "did santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little boy said,"he sure did!"

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it."

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes,He sure did," said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa to put the dick on underneath the horse instead of on top."

 

[FoBoT]

in order to prepare for talk like a pirate day, i present the following:

A pirate walks into a bar, and the barkeep says "Excuse me, cap'n, but did you know that you've got your ship's wheel stuck in your pantaloons?"

"Aye," says the pirate, "that thing be drivin' me nuts! Aaargh!"

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said, "did santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little boy said,"he sure did!"

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it."

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes,He sure did," said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa to put the dick on underneath the horse instead of on top."

What state or country requires bikes to have license plates?

 

[RadiclDreamer]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said, "did santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little boy said,"he sure did!"

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it."

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes,He sure did," said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa to put the dick on underneath the horse instead of on top."

What state or country requires bikes to have license plates?

Its a joke dummy. Suspend disbelief

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"

The young engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

 

[RadiclDreamer]

Woman had been married three times and was still a virgin.

Somebody asked her how that could be possible. "Well," she said. "The first time I married an octogenarian and he died before we could consummate the marriage." "The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on our wedding day." "The third time I married a Microsoft Windows programmer and he just sat on the edge of the bed and kept telling me how good it was going to be."

 

[HN]

So a dyslexic walks into a bra.

 

[shiner]

Chelsea Clinton is working for a newspaper interviewing soldiers in Iraq and during the course of her rounds she was interviewing a Major in the U.S. Army. After asking him several questions about life in the army, being away from loved ones, etc...she asked him what 3 things scared him most.

His answer was:

Osama
Obama
Your mama

 

[RadiclDreamer]

A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically... so he asked his dad.

His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000.

He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes".

"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question."

He did and came back and said,
"She said yes."

And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing."

He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"

And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a homo!

 

[RadiclDreamer]

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.

The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."

''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

 

[RadiclDreamer]

And my last for a little bit for fear of someone accusing me of post padding


One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little
boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his
mouth and asked,

"Do you know what it is?"

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom
before he goes to work."

That's when a little girl at the back of the room yelled,

"Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!!"

 

[Unheard]

A baby seal walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What 'll ya have?" The seal responded, "Anything but a Canadian Club."

 

[RadiclDreamer]

A guy dies, and goes to Heaven. When the guy arrives in Heaven, St. Peter greets him, and says, "Come with me, and I will show you where you will be staying." St. Peter and this guy are walking along side of the golden fence of Heaven, and the guy notices many clocks on the fence. Out of curiousity, the guy asks St. Peter, "What are all these clocks for?" St. Peter smiles, "They are clocks for every person in the world," he says, "And they tick once for each time you lie. There is Mother Theresa's clock! Her clock has never ticked once. There is Abraham Lincoln's clock! His clock has only ticked twice." Again, out of curiousity, the guy asks, "Where is Dubya's clock?" St. Peter calmly says, "His clock is in Jesus's office. He is using it as a fan."

 

[RadiclDreamer]

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not?you cannot have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
And my last for a little bit for fear of someone accusing me of post padding


One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little
boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his
mouth and asked,

"Do you know what it is?"

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom
before he goes to work."

That's when a little girl at the back of the room yelled,

"Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!!"

:laugh:
Never heard that one.

 

[NuclearNed]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said, "did santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little boy said,"he sure did!"

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it."

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes,He sure did," said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa to put the dick on underneath the horse instead of on top."

What state or country requires bikes to have license plates?

I lived in a town in Indiana that required bike plates. I didn't buy one, got pulled over by a cop, and had my bike impounded for a week. I was 11.

 

[pontifex]

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.





















Text

 

[OutHouse]

From the pulpit the pastor declared, ?Lord, without You we are but dust.?

A four-year-old girl leaned over and asked her mother in a loud voice, ?Mommy, what is butt dust??

 

[eits]

Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender walks up to him and says, ?Would you care for a drink??

Descartes replied, ?I think not.? and disappears.

 

[Mucho]

A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place."

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: eits
Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender walks up to him and says, ?Would you care for a drink??

Descartes replied, ?I think not.? and disappears.

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: eits
Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender walks up to him and says, ?Would you care for a drink??

Descartes replied, ?I think not.? and disappears.

obviously, you didn't get the joke...

"i think, therefore i am" = decartes' proof

 

[dquan97]

Finally! some new jokes!

 

[Jhill]

Why did Mickey mouse divorce Minnie mouse?

Because she was fucking Goofy.

 

[James Bond]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak

Originally posted by: eits
Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender walks up to him and says, ?Would you care for a drink??

Descartes replied, ?I think not.? and disappears.

I think, therefore, I am.

 

[broon]

Originally posted by: pontifex
So, there's a man crawling through the desert.


Text

Winner.