*POLL* Men over 30 get married out of desperation or fear - YES or NO?

[MichaelD]

All the marriage threads lately have got me thinking...so I decided to start this little thread just to see what the responses would be.

Granted, the over-30 membership of AT is small compared to the under-18 membership,

but I figure there should be a decent amount of responses.

I have come to a few conclusions; whether you think the are wrong or not, they are MY conclusions. YMMV.

1. The conclusion that men over 30 years old get married mostly out of desparation (I.E. man, I gotta get married before I lose ALL my hair and no woman wants me anymore!) or fear (I.E. man, if I don't marry this chick, I'll spend the rest of my life alone!)

2. Men over 30 that get married DO love their wives-to-be, but not in the "I'm crazy about this girl!" way...more along the lines of #1, above...kind of as a sense of closure (Whew...got married *checks that off list of things to do*)

What say you?

 

[woodie1]

You are entitled to your conclusions and I am entitled to think they're wrong.

 

[dirtboy]

I got married at 23 because I thought it was what I was supposed to do...which is why I am divorced now. I do think as people get older they become more concerned about finding someone to spend the rest of their life with.

 

[MomAndSkoorbaby]

I don't think so at all....everyone finds their "other" at different stages in life!

 

[guyver01]

desperation AND fear


<---29... going on 30... and still single

 

[bunker]

Originally posted by: MrsSkoorb
I don't think so at all....everyone finds their "other" at different stages in life!

I would tend to agree with this statement (29 and married here)

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MrsSkoorb
I don't think so at all....everyone finds their "other" at different stages in life!

I agree totally

 

[bmacd]

Originally posted by: dirtboy
I do think as people get older they become more concerned about finding someone to spend the rest of their life with.

i couldn't agree more

-=bmacd=-

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: guyver01
desperation AND fear


<---29... going on 30... and still single

You know, most people say "oh, you have to wait until you find the right person, blah-blah-blah." I don't think there IS a right person out there for me. Sadly, I've been thru too many long-term relationships...1/3 weren't right, 1/3 I screwed up, 1/3 she screwed up...and when does "right" happen?

I happen to think that one day I will probably say "she's good enough" and just do the deed. For better or worse, I'm just not lucky enough to have "that special perfect woman" fall into my lap. *shrugs* Oh well, back to the women's clothing section at Target to look around for a mate.

 

[MomAndSkoorbaby]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: guyver01
desperation AND fear


<---29... going on 30... and still single

You know, most people say "oh, you have to wait until you find the right person, blah-blah-blah." I don't think there IS a right person out there for me. Sadly, I've been thru too many long-term relationships...1/3 weren't right, 1/3 I screwed up, 1/3 she screwed up...and when does "right" happen?

I happen to think that one day I will probably say "she's good enough" and just do the deed. For better or worse, I'm just not lucky enough to have "that special perfect woman" fall into my lap. *shrugs* Oh well, back to the women's clothing section at Target to look around for a mate.

I don't think there is just ONE person out there for us....like as in there exists one soulmate on this earth....BUT I think there are a selected few with whom we match best with!

 

[guyver01]

Originally posted by: MrsSkoorb
BUT I think there are a selected few with whom we match best with!

i'll settle for that person whom i match "3 out of 5" with!!

 

[Lola]

No, i do not think that at all. For example, my uncle did not get married until he was in his 40's and he waited not because he couldn't fine the "one" but because he was doing so many things like establishing his law practice and flying, he didn't WANT to get married. He said he was glad he didn't get married young just because society told him he had to. (well, society and his mother)

 

[Pliablemoose]

MichaelD...


You're missing the big picture, the older you get, the less competition there is, men croak off @ an incredibly fast rate & as you age, the pool of women your age is quickly getting better. (and that's not counting the old dudes like me that hook up with someone much younger than them).

Older guys are more of a catch because:

1.) We're more stable
2.) Usually have some scratch, unless you've pissed it all away on cars & PC's
3.) We're a little less stupid as we age & gain experience, & become more tolerable (dear god the stupid mistakes I had to make on my own & learn from) Women seem to have a better handle on the maturity thing as a whole.

By the time you hit 50 & 60, the women are desperate for a living breathing man (course the women are all 50 & 60)

(BTW, wrote a massive check to lawyer to have contempt charges served in the UK on my ex)

 

[jemcam]

Way off base. I'm 40 and have been married for 15 years, but I have lots of friends who have gotten divorced, or are divorced, and they usually stayed that way for several years with no intent of being married, then the right one came along, and even though they said they weren't going to ever get married again, most of them have.

One guy at work is 45, and was divorced for 14 years. He was quite happy being single and just very recently got remarried. It was a hard decision for him to make because he didn't want to give up all the freedom he had grown accustomed to. He almost called it off several times. He certainly didn't feel that he was obligated to get married just because he was in his mid 40's, fat, and balding.

He married a beautiful, thin 30 y.o. woman too, btw. This was not the first hot chick he dated either. This guy always had hot 'tang for a girlfriend, too. We never could figure out how he did it, becuase he's not very exciting, and he sure as hell isn't much to look at.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: jemcam
Way off base. I'm 40 and have been married for 15 years, but I have lots of friends who have gotten divorced, or are divorced, and they usually stayed that way for several years with no intent of being married, then the right one came along, and even though they said they weren't going to ever get married again, most of them have.

One guy at work is 45, and was divorced for 14 years. He was quite happy being single and just very recently got remarried. It was a hard decision for him to make because he didn't want to give up all the freedom he had grown accustomed to. He almost called it off several times. He certainly didn't feel that he was obligated to get married just because he was in his mid 40's, fat, and balding.

He married a beautiful, thin 30 y.o. woman too, btw. This was not the first hot chick he dated either. This guy always had hot 'tang for a girlfriend, too. We never could figure out how he did it, becuase he's not very exciting, and he sure as hell isn't much to look at.

How'd he do it? One word.

Tripod.




Seriously though, these are great replies. I'm listening. I enjoy reading everyone's opinions.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: jemcam
Way off base. I'm 40 and have been married for 15 years, but I have lots of friends who have gotten divorced, or are divorced, and they usually stayed that way for several years with no intent of being married, then the right one came along, and even though they said they weren't going to ever get married again, most of them have.

One guy at work is 45, and was divorced for 14 years. He was quite happy being single and just very recently got remarried. It was a hard decision for him to make because he didn't want to give up all the freedom he had grown accustomed to. He almost called it off several times. He certainly didn't feel that he was obligated to get married just because he was in his mid 40's, fat, and balding.

He married a beautiful, thin 30 y.o. woman too, btw. This was not the first hot chick he dated either. This guy always had hot 'tang for a girlfriend, too. We never could figure out how he did it, becuase he's not very exciting, and he sure as hell isn't much to look at.

He might just possibly have a good heart and a halfway functional brain,not all women evaluate men by how much money they have or pure physical externals.

 

[PG]

I'm 31 and divorced. There's no way I'm going to settle or get married again just to not be alone, etc. I do not want to go through another divorce.

 

[TwinkleToes77]

personally for me, My fiance didnt want to get married because he felt he hadnt copulated with every female in the world yet. I eventually made him realise that he couldnt do that in his whole life time and made him settle down

It definitely wasnt out of desperation that we are getting married.. hes 31(im 25). He just wanted to get it on with a few more before he had to commit to one. And getting married lessened his chances.

 

[desy]

Got married at 34 cause I was ready to.
Men don't have the same short shelf life women do but from some of my 30 year old buddies they aren't desparte.
Just don't want all the games BS early 20 year old women are too dumb and anyone 'marryable' is usually gone by 30 or they have baggage, read kids
which adds another dimension to the equation. Its harder in your 30's so if your ready and you find somebody good ususally they don't waste time.

 

[gopunk]

whoohoo, even though i live at home, i am exactly 18, and thus was able to vote for "no they don't"

seriously option 1 is stupid... men's values go up in time as they get more money.

 

[PsychoAndy]

When I'm 30, you'll be the first to know.

-PAB

 

[Fausto]

Hmmm...I dunno about men, but women get obsessed with marriage once they hit 30. Suddenly there's no such thing as "dating" to them any more....you're either husband material or you're yesterday's news. Obviously, this is a generalization, but it seems to be the norm amongst most of my wife's friends who are still single for whatever reason.

 

[bolido2000]

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
personally for me, My fiance didnt want to get married because he felt he hadnt copulated with every female in the world yet. I eventually made him realise that he couldnt do that in his whole life time and made him settle down

It definitely wasnt out of desperation that we are getting married.. hes 31(im 25). He just wanted to get it on with a few more before he had to commit to one. And getting married lessened his chances.

That sounds messed up. I would raise the red flag when you he his alone.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Fausto1
Hmmm...I dunno about men, but women get obsessed with marriage once they hit 30. Suddenly there's no such thing as "dating" to them any more....you're either husband material or you're yesterday's news. Obviously, this is a generalization, but it seems to be the norm amongst most of my wife's friends who are still single for whatever reason.

actually, i talked with a bunch of girls a few months ago over dinner and they all agreed that whenever they are going out with a guy, marriage is in the back of their mind... these girls are like 19 :Q

 

[Dragnov]

I need a "What the heck do I know? I'm over 18 and live at home w/ Mom & Dad"

I'm in college, not worrying about marraige yet. I can't say how men over 30 act.. I don't know any... my dad?