POLL: Include a registry card in the wedding invite?

[Hossenfeffer]

Ok, I'm on the fence about this one. Fiance had me print up some cards that show where we've registered. We'd then include those in the announcements/invitations. (I will be doing a webpage that will have all the registry information and the webpage address is already included.) After speaking with her grandmother (who generally goes buttwacky about the oddest things), she is thinking twice about including them.

I've had a semi-difficult time wrapping my head around the whole "registry" thing. There's pro's and con's to it, I suppose. I semi-realize that it's one of the only times when you can dare be "bold" enough and tell folks what you want (or at least prefer).

I see at least some value in including a card. It lets folks know where they "could" get a gift "if" they want to get one.

I can also see some folks being "offended" by being "told" what they were supposed to do.

So, is it tacky and/or offensive to include a registry card? Should I only put them in the envelopes of people I can assume would not be offended? We're both pretty concious (sometimes a bit much) to keeping other folks appeased.

Also, if I need to include more info in this post, let me know.

 

[HappyPuppy]

Hmmmm!

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Why do you expect gifts just because you are getting married?

 

[Anubis]

include it. when my sister got married she got soem much useless crap. liek 8 crystal pictue frames. took all but 1 back. itll save you a headache

 

[toekramp]

nothing wrong with including it...if people feel inspired to get you something else so be it

 

[ryzmah]

I'd leave them out or use them selectively, but inform your parents and others who might get asked. When I got married, my mom and mother-in-law managed to spread the word around pretty well.

 

[rival]

when my sister got married a year ago, she included cards, she was given them from the stores she was registered at, i think target, bed bath and beyond and macys...

they wont know if you dont tell them, and its better for people that may live far away and cant make it to the wedding, so they can get you something anyways

and if people get offended by registry cards, oh well...seems to me most people know about registries at stores for weddings...

 

[Joker81]

Put a SASE(Self Addressed Stamped Envelope) and on the invitation put INSERT MONEY HERE and point to the SASE. J/K.
I think you should include it. Your Grand Mother probably got married a long time ago. We are now in a era of If we don't see it then don't expect it. Sometimes people forget about things. In your wedding invitation if it just says goto the website I don't think people will be as inclined. Thats why you send out a printed wedding invitation more personal then a mass email.

Although I want to get to a period where its ok to send out email invitations. I mean for a wedding of 250 people you are spending at least $200 on stamps and the envelope and maybe more if its a realllly nice invitation. And you can put a video in a printed invitation.

 

[Hossenfeffer]

Looks like the fiance is wanting to send out "some" cards, but only to close family members. She's including them in a thank you card with a note asking for them to pass on the word should anyone ask.

I'm a tad frustrated. She asked me for a week to make cards to send out with all of them and then 2 seconds after she gets off the phone with her grandmother she decides against it. I asked if she could wait and hear from some other folks before deciding.

I don't want to "apologize" for paying thousands of dollars and inviting these folks to our special celebration.

 

[kranky]

NO!

You don't solicit gifts with a wedding invitation. It's like saying "Here's your invoice for attending." The idea of a wedding invitation is to say you'd like them to be there, period. Any mention of gifts is just tacky. If you are sure you know certain people well enough to include it in their invitations without them being offended, then send it to them, but I wouldn't send it to everyone.

You put the website address in the invite already, that's enough.

 

[TheHeartless]

I'd have to say, no do not add an reg. card with the invites.

 

[compudog]

There are varying opinions on this. I asked my wife and she thought it sees kind of tacky, but then remembered the last few invites we got all mentioned something about where the bride was registered. Personally I don't see anything wrong with letting people you know would NOT be offended know where you guys are registered. I wouldn't include the info for everyone.

What's the URL to the website???? A little ATOT effect to bring it to it's knees?????

 

[Hossenfeffer]

I think I'm OK with just giving the cards to some select folks (close relatives/family and maybe my best man) so that more people know where we're registered without blatantly shoving it down people's throats. Given that many of the stores actually give you pre-printed "I registered here" cards, I suppose it's becoming more and more commonplace to include them with the invites.

I go back and forth with the whole audacity of telling someone where you've registered. Before I started this whole process, I didn't understand registres. I thought of them as "tacky". As the day draws nearer and I hear stories of having to return this and that, I began to see the value of politely letting folks know. So much of it is in the interpretation. On the receiving end, someone could either say "Oh, I could go to these places if I buy them a gift. That's helpful" or "How tacky. How dare they tell me where I can shop and even that they assume they're getting anything. I'll get them what I want, if anything."

It's a bit of a battle with different traditions and etiquette manuals vary on what's the best way to approach things. I dunno.

One reason I wanted to steer as much traffic to the website was the referral links possible. It's the weasel/ferrengi in me, but the chance to get 5% or so of all the gifts purchased just seemed like a good idea to me.

As for the URL, the site isn't even close to being decent yet. I'll probably keep this one semi-private and then put something better up later.

 

[FeathersMcGraw]

If people are planning on purchasing a gift, they will usually inquire on their own where the engaged couple are registered.

 

[anno]

it's a no-no..

etiquette

Is it appropriate to include a card which indicates where we are registered in with the wedding invitations?
No card for any registry should be placed in ANY invitation relating to your event... showers, engagement parties, bachelor(ette) parties or the wedding itself.

anno

 

[Modeps]

It's a bad idea. dont do it.... putting it in the invite is like begging for gifts, putting it in the shower invites... that's another story.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: Hossenfeffer
Given that many of the stores actually give you pre-printed "I registered here" cards, I suppose it's becoming more and more commonplace to include them with the invites.

I don't know that I'd assume it is becoming more commonplace. It's just the stores bending over backwards to get you to send out their advertisements at no cost to them.

 

[bunker]

Include them.

It's pretty standard to do so in wedding invites (married 3 years ago myself).

No one will be offended and it's not tacky. That's why most stores you register at give you little cards.

 

[mpitts]

Originally posted by: kranky
NO!

You don't solicit gifts with a wedding invitation. It's like saying "Here's your invoice for attending." The idea of a wedding invitation is to say you'd like them to be there, period. Any mention of gifts is just tacky. If you are sure you know certain people well enough to include it in their invitations without them being offended, then send it to them, but I wouldn't send it to everyone.

You put the website address in the invite already, that's enough.

Exactly. If they are planning on coming or going to send a gift, they will contact either you or one of your parents to find out where you are registered.

Never send a registry card with an invitation. Tacky.

 

[Argo]

I thought people were supposed to bring money to weddings. Dunno, could be italian thing.

 

[Ameesh]

Originally posted by: kranky
NO!

You don't solicit gifts with a wedding invitation. It's like saying "Here's your invoice for attending." The idea of a wedding invitation is to say you'd like them to be there, period. Any mention of gifts is just tacky. If you are sure you know certain people well enough to include it in their invitations without them being offended, then send it to them, but I wouldn't send it to everyone.

You put the website address in the invite already, that's enough.

i agee , i think its tacky.

 

[FeathersMcGraw]

Originally posted by: bunker
That's why most stores you register at give you little cards.

I certainly can't think of any industry which would encourage social practices to further their bottom line.

 

[rh71]

From the attendees' point of view, I don't think it'll be all-that-tasteless if you DO include it... but just that little bit would prevent me from throwing them in there. I'd just use the website, assuming you have a somewhat technologically savvy family.

 

[Hossenfeffer]

Originally posted by: rh71
From the attendees' point of view, I don't think it'll be all-that-tasteless if you DO include it... but just that little bit would prevent me from throwing them in there. I'd just use the website, assuming you have a somewhat technologically savvy family.

Well, the family isn't the most tech savvy, so I wouldn't mind beating them over the head about the website. That being said, it looks like we'll just be sending the cards to a select few who can help get the word out without being "tacky". It's all a perception game, I tell ya.

 

[vi edit]

Last couple weddings I've received invites for, the couples did the invitations themselves and just at the bottom of the invitation was a short line that said "The couple is registered at so and so store"

No business cards, not flashy text, just a small little message. When we had our wedding receptions we had like 40 people all asking us where we were registered at and honestly, it just would have been easier putting a little line at the bottom of the invitation saying it.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Last couple weddings I've received invites for, the couples did the invitations themselves and just at the bottom of the invitation was a short line that said "The couple is registered at so and so store"

No business cards, not flashy text, just a small little message. When we had our wedding receptions we had like 40 people all asking us where we were registered at and honestly, it just would have been easier putting a little line at the bottom of the invitation saying it.

I have no doubt that's true, but it's still not right.