Gone but not forgotton is my archnemesis the Wannabe. Funny how his departure dame exactly two weeks after a visit by members of the HR department. There are conflicting stories about what happened. The office scuttlebutt is saying that he was "right sized" out of the department. Our Favorite Moron says he left for a programming job. So what do you guys think? I'm pretty sure which one is stretching the truth juuuuuuuuust a teensy bit.
I will turn this over to the public to decide who will be the new focus of my daily rage:
A now I present, Da' Contenda's:
In the blue corner we have "Fat Bitch" AKA "Wannabe Jr." weighing in at 300 - 325lbs. She hasn't seen her toes since the Carter Administration. Can do from 0 - 1 dozen honey glazed in 25.81 seconds. Self-proclaimed DBA because she can create a table in MS Access. Nothing is ever her fault because she thinks her sh!t doesn't stink. Also self proclaimed "system specialist" because she knows how to delete a temp file.
Favorite Catch Phrase: "Why is the server down???"
Best known for: The ability to crash 3 PCs per day and claiming "I was only deleting temp files!!!!"
Special Attack: "The Ass Kiss" she also loves shouting, "LOOK AT ALL THE WORK I HAVE!!! I'LL BE HERE TILL MIDNIGHT!!!" near any VP and then procedes to stampede out the double front doors (I don't think she would fit through the side door) at exactly 5:01PM while generating a 4.2 on the Richter Scale.
Representing sales we have "Mr. Accent" AKA "Big Arrogant Spender". His attack comes in the form of an accent so thick you could cut it with a machete. He somehow thinks that by wasting money on all the newest things make him a "tech guru". Great to mess with because he put his foot in his mouth all the time.
Favorite Catch Phrase: "Loook vhat I gooot dis veekend. I put zis on me Hamerican Spress Flatinum card."
Best Know For: Erasing everyting on his computer (Iaa got der $7,800 iBook) and spending 4 weeks attempting reinstall MacOS. Refusing to have a dynamic IP beacause, "I no share der IP becooose der last guy can gimme der wirus invection"
Special Attack: Can clear a room in 3.2 seconds with inane bragging
Daa Daa Daa..... Finally we have "Mr. Whiney" AKA "Screech". More annoying than N'stink, Backdoor Boys, and 69 Degrees singing the best of John Travolta Scientology Hymms while having a Jalepeno Pepper enema. Has the ability to bitch and moan for 8 straight hours without rest. Always feels he's getting the short end of the stick. "MAAAAANNNNN...... Whyyyyy do he have a white mouse, I WANT A WHITE MOUSE TOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" "This keyboard clicks too loud I WANNNAAA NEW ONE!!!!!"
Favorite Catch Phrase: "WHY DOES HE/SHE........ I ALSO WANNNAAAA........"
Best Know For: Threatening to sue unless he got a Microsoft (It HAD to be Microsoft) Natural Elite Keyboard shipped FedEX Priority Overnight as opposed to Standard Overnight. He did not want "risk life threatening injuries" by using a regular keyboard.
Special Attack: The infamous "BUT I WANNNNAAAAA" phrase repeating until opponent is bleeding out of all orifaces.
Alright folks, here they are. Who do you want most?
I will turn this over to the public to decide who will be the new focus of my daily rage:
A now I present, Da' Contenda's:
In the blue corner we have "Fat Bitch" AKA "Wannabe Jr." weighing in at 300 - 325lbs. She hasn't seen her toes since the Carter Administration. Can do from 0 - 1 dozen honey glazed in 25.81 seconds. Self-proclaimed DBA because she can create a table in MS Access. Nothing is ever her fault because she thinks her sh!t doesn't stink. Also self proclaimed "system specialist" because she knows how to delete a temp file.
Favorite Catch Phrase: "Why is the server down???"
Best known for: The ability to crash 3 PCs per day and claiming "I was only deleting temp files!!!!"
Special Attack: "The Ass Kiss" she also loves shouting, "LOOK AT ALL THE WORK I HAVE!!! I'LL BE HERE TILL MIDNIGHT!!!" near any VP and then procedes to stampede out the double front doors (I don't think she would fit through the side door) at exactly 5:01PM while generating a 4.2 on the Richter Scale.
Representing sales we have "Mr. Accent" AKA "Big Arrogant Spender". His attack comes in the form of an accent so thick you could cut it with a machete. He somehow thinks that by wasting money on all the newest things make him a "tech guru". Great to mess with because he put his foot in his mouth all the time.
Favorite Catch Phrase: "Loook vhat I gooot dis veekend. I put zis on me Hamerican Spress Flatinum card."
Best Know For: Erasing everyting on his computer (Iaa got der $7,800 iBook) and spending 4 weeks attempting reinstall MacOS. Refusing to have a dynamic IP beacause, "I no share der IP becooose der last guy can gimme der wirus invection"
Special Attack: Can clear a room in 3.2 seconds with inane bragging
Daa Daa Daa..... Finally we have "Mr. Whiney" AKA "Screech". More annoying than N'stink, Backdoor Boys, and 69 Degrees singing the best of John Travolta Scientology Hymms while having a Jalepeno Pepper enema. Has the ability to bitch and moan for 8 straight hours without rest. Always feels he's getting the short end of the stick. "MAAAAANNNNN...... Whyyyyy do he have a white mouse, I WANT A WHITE MOUSE TOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" "This keyboard clicks too loud I WANNNAAA NEW ONE!!!!!"
Favorite Catch Phrase: "WHY DOES HE/SHE........ I ALSO WANNNAAAA........"
Best Know For: Threatening to sue unless he got a Microsoft (It HAD to be Microsoft) Natural Elite Keyboard shipped FedEX Priority Overnight as opposed to Standard Overnight. He did not want "risk life threatening injuries" by using a regular keyboard.
Special Attack: The infamous "BUT I WANNNNAAAAA" phrase repeating until opponent is bleeding out of all orifaces.
Alright folks, here they are. Who do you want most?
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