Political Humor

[jonks]

A blog I read invited site visitors to send in political jokes. I figure since we all end up name calling to some degree anyway, lets see who can do it with style.

Ex.
Q. How many neocons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Well, we're investigating that, and we can't comment while the investigation is ongoing.

or

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To deliver an anchor egg thus guaranteeing its children unearned social welfare benefits.

or

Q. Knock Knock
A. Who's there?
Q. Ron Paul.
A. Ron Paul who? No, I'm serious. Who are you? Get off my porch, weirdo.

Many of you are thanking god I'm not a comedian, eh?

 

[Moonbeam]

"Many of you are thanking god I'm not a comedian, eh?"

Too bad our President is.

 

[Gaard]

How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;

8. One to viciously smear #7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

 

[jonks]

Originally posted by: Gaard
How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;

8. One to viciously smear #7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

You could've just said 10

Come on, Palehorse and BlackAngst ain't gonna stand for that without a reply are ya?

 

[Harvey]

[*]If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President.

[*]Impeachment: It's Not Just for Blowjobs Anymore.

[*]They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It.

[*]George W. Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap.

[*]We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language.

[*]Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?

[*]The Republican Party: A Bridge to the 11th Century.

 

[1EZduzit]

A guy goes into the butcher shop and asks to buy a pound of brains. The butcher says, " Well your in luck, it just so happens we have the largest selction of brains in the whole country".

So they walk to the back of the store where they have baskets and baskets of all kinds of brains. Lawyer brains are $30/lb. Doctor brains are $50/lb, Physicists brains are $100/lb, but the most expensive are the NeoCon brains which cost $1000/lb. The guy asks the butcher why Neocon brains are so expensive and he says, "Do you have any idea how many NeoCon's it takes to get a pound of brains?

 

[blackllotus]

"Today is the 54th anniversary of the first man getting to the top of Mt. Everest. Now, if only we could get one on top of Condoleezza Rice." --David Letterman

 

[JohnOfSheffield]

So old dubya is parading his funny language all over the country to give kids something to look down on and at one class there is this kid who tells him that his cat had kittens and that they are all Republicans, GW thinks this is just great and naturally wants to call in news and ... well just the usual propaganda channels.

So he goes up to the kids trailer with all of the news crew, puts on his best big idiot smile and asks the kid to repeat what he told him, and the kid tells him... well they were republicans but they are democrats now.

GW throws a hissy fit and starts screaming, "you told me just one week ago they were republicans" and the kid responds, "well, a week ago their eyes were still closed".

It's older than dirt, i know, but very appropriate for this thread.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Bill and Hillary are driving through the town where Hillary grew up,when they stopped for gas. As he is pumping gas the attendant looks in the window and recognizes Hillary.'Do you remember me?',he asks Hillary we dated in high school.They chat for a little while and then Bill pays for the gas and drives away. Bill is feeling proud of himself and looks at Hillary and says "What would have happened if you married the gas station attendant instead of me? and Hillary replies then you would be pumping gas and he would be president!!

 

[UberNeuman]

Rush has a mission - a mission to Get Hard:

Get Hard

Get Hard 2

Get Hard - With a Viagra

and what cold heart doesn't love:

Tranny!

 

[ProfJohn]

Harvey, that might be the best post you have ever made. Although the last one was a little weak.

 

[Pliablemoose]

"Presidential candidate Barack Obama was endorsed by former Senator Tom Daschle of South Dakota. Daschle is the first major Democrat to endorse Obama, and the first person in South Dakota to see a black man." --Conan O'Brien

LOL, I grew up in South Dakota & didn't see a black person till I was freaking 14 :shocked:

 

[SilthDraeth]

I thought Harvey, and Gaard's posts where funny. Good job.

 

[jonks]

Ann Coulter walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" Ba dum bum.

 

[imported_Shivetya]

At the Cannibal Restaurant

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.  Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

  +  Broiled Missionary: $10.00
  +  Fried Explorer: $15.00
  +  Grilled Republican: $20.00
  +  Baked Democrat: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price
difference for the Democrat?'

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?
They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."