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Poem For English Class

The poem is bad.

Like poor rap.

I suggest you choose a subject you are intimate with and write about that.

Keep your politics out of your poetry, for the time being. There will be time enough for that when you're older and have written a few.
 
i should've mentioned this, the poem is supposed to be: a. narrative b. lyric c. dramatic monologue. I chose b. lyric. would you consider this to be in lyrical format, because i'm not so sure if it is, like you said it sounds like rap.. i writing a new one now, lol, but this one is starting to sound like rap too.
 
yah, some of those words just done rhyme hah
It seems like you threw words/phrases in just to rhyme.
Strut with my big ass gun? Are you 13 years old?
 
it does read really fast. doesn't seem too original in at that it reiterates the lyrics of every other rap.
BUT most importantly, don't submit it. A copy will more than likely make its way into your student file and you may be categorized as a student between moderate or high risk behavior or psychology. It may cause problems when you start the college application process or wish to get recommendations from high school.

when you write, don't worry about rhyming. In fact some of the best poems don't rhyme at all.
 
Thinking about this for a little I recalled the following poem. Now HERE is a reason NOT to write a War poem:

ON BEING ASKED FOR A WAR POEM

by: W. B. Yeats (1865-1939)

I THINK it better that in times like these
A poet's mouth be silent, for in truth
We have no gift to set a statesman right;
He has had enough of meddling who can please
A young girl in the indolence of her youth,
Or an old man upon a winter's night.
 
Originally posted by: djheater
Thinking about this for a little I recalled the following poem. Now HERE is a reason NOT to write a War poem:

ON BEING ASKED FOR A WAR POEM

by: W. B. Yeats (1865-1939)

I THINK it better that in times like these
A poet's mouth be silent, for in truth
We have no gift to set a statesman right;
He has had enough of meddling who can please
A young girl in the indolence of her youth,
Or an old man upon a winter's night.
Click to expand...


or rather:

romantics and politicians don't mix.
 
Originally posted by: NavJitsU4
i should've mentioned this, the poem is supposed to be: a. narrative b. lyric c. dramatic monologue. I chose b. lyric. would you consider this to be in lyrical format, because i'm not so sure if it is, like you said it sounds like rap.. i writing a new one now, lol, but this one is starting to sound like rap too.
Click to expand...

That's just structure, you can write about anything you want.

Like I said, you will find it MUCH easier to write something you are intimately familiar with, though it may be that much more difficult to share it in the end.

How about a loved relative?
Pet?
Place?
Time of year?

Avoid writing about current or social events, it takes a very skilled writer to pull it off without making a foold of themselves. Use what you know. You are a person, write about something that other people can relate too.
 
Originally posted by: NavJitsU4
I'm writing a poem for approach to literature, I started wrting and i came up with this:

Lock and load, I was finally told, reached for the bolt on my deadly colt.
Finger on my trigger, never gonna surrender. 5.56 ammo cycled down the chamber.
Army of one, never on the run, see me strut with my big ass gun.
Kevlar across my chest, causes me no unrest- protected and secured only by the best.
Here I am, man of war- hummer on the roar, pedal to the floor, and bullet proof doors.
Doors ajar, out we are, amidst the strife in the cradle of life.

that's just the first paragraph, I did not post the rest because I don't want to offend any americans here.. this poem is anti-war/anti-bush. My english teacher is pretty cool, he even curses during lectures.. i'm wondering if i should turn it in or just write about something else?

-any help/suggestions is always appreciated.
Click to expand...

you don't want to risk anything that might piss off your teachers if he/she is from the other end of the political spectrum.
 
Steven Vincent Benet.


All night they marched, the infantrymen under pack
But the hands gripping the rifles were naked bone
And the hollow pits of the eyes stared, vacant and black
When the moonlight shone.

The gas masks lay like a blot on the empty chests
The helmets were spattered with rust and mold
But they burrowed the hill for the machine-gun nest
As they had of old.

And the guns rolled, and the tanks
But there was no sound.
Never the gasp or rustle of living men
Where skeletons strung their wire on disputed ground.

I knew them, then.
"It is seventeen years", I cried, "Must you march forever from France, and the last, blind war?"
"Fool! From the next!" they said.
 
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