I work at a prestigious genetics research facility in the south. I'm a member of our technical support group. i've just this morning talked to the two most stupid people in the world, somehow they are both employed by our world-reknown foundation...
one lady i spend nearly an hour over the phone because he phone and her computer where in different rooms. She would talk to me, then spend several minutes walking to her computer, typing clumsily, then walking back. Our foundation spends millions of dollars a year on equipment, so why this was necessary i do not know.
she was trying to send a screensaver file to a friend, hadn't the foggiest idea how to do it. Another upsetting fact is that instead of curing obesity, cancer, or the common cold, this bitch is trying to send the latest happy holidays screensaver via email. "can i do it through the control panel"? it's tough to describe but this lady was an idiot.
ME: "okay, i need you to search for the file, so type in the following in the search window. *.scr "
Stupid Retarded Bitch: "Okay... okay i'm back. I search for * and scr but i left off the period. It gave me a bunch of files and I can't find mine why is the computer messing up like this?"
ME: "You need to include that period. asterisk period s c r."
SRB: "Oh okay. I'll try that."
ME: "STUPID F'ING LADY! WHY WOULD I TELL YOU TO PUT IN THE PERIOD IF I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO PUT IT IN!!?! YOU JUST DECIDED NOT TO INCLUDE THE PERIOD!?! HOW F'ING RETARDED ARE YOU!?! ARE YOU DEAF? I SAID ASTERISK DOT S C R!!!!"
SRB: "[picks up phone off desk, drops its, picks it up again.] Okay I'm back."
ME: "Fabulous, did that work?"
SRB: "No."
ME: "Okay, what is it displaying?"
SRB: "A bunch of files, but I can't find mine."
ME: "What is the file called?"
SRB: "I don't know..."
ME: [Thermonuclear meltdown.]
30 minutes and a convulsing, shaking cold sweat later we had found the file.
Eventually i had to help her attach the file via email. she called back again and I had to help her out by explaining the differences between folders and files, and why Windows lists folders first and then files, and how there is a scroll bar in a window that lets you see all of them. How this person got a job at a prestigious research facility is utterly mind-boggling.
Another lady who obviously isn't from this hemisphere calls up. Through her thick accent I understand that she had her network password changed to 'forgot' because she had forgotten her password. I'm sure it's an honest problem this lady has, but then she asks "how do you spell this word." She couldn't spell forgot. This person has PhD's in genetics research and molecular chemistry and has been doing research for centuries and she can't speak or spell english. So i had to spell out 'forgot' for her over the phone.
"Okay, forgot. F-"
"S?"
"No, F. F and is Frank."
"S?"
"F and is fire."
"Oh! F, I see. Thank you."
"O as in olive."
"O, yes, I see, O."
"R as in Ray."
"R..."
"Yes, R and in Ray."
"Oh! R, yes I see. Thank you."
"G as in goat."
"G.. yes... G... yes..."
"O as in olive."
"O, yes, O."
"T as in Tiger."
"T yes. Okay, thank you very much."
I hate my job.
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