PLEASE give me your thoughts ( Ladies please come in )

[Jumpem]

WARNING - Long dumping of my hearts contents ahead:

My cousin (he's been my best frien forever) has been seeing this girl I know for roughly half a year or so. Anyway, he went away to college recently, but he's usually home for the weekends. He told her that he doesn't want a real relationship because he wants to have fun at college. She always does whatever he says or wants because he just doesn't listen to anyone else's point of view. If a bunch of us go out and then she wents to go to a club or something with us, she'll ride home with him just because he said I don't want to go. I thin kshe's pressured into doing what he wants so he doesn't get agitated. The problem is I'm kind of becoming interested in her. Yeah I know, "It's your cousin's girl...". But they're not really bf/gf, it's like she just waits at home for him to come over. He sort of cares about her, but would get rid of her in an instant
for someone better looking, or "loose". He flirts with other girls alot, and everyone but her knows that he's been "doing" other girls well away. He's even going from NY to Seattle a couple days after Christmas to visit (and do other things) with a girl that used to live nearby. She deserves someone that will send her flowers at work and really care about what she's feeling. I just want to get to know her more and to do things together. Believe it or not, s*x is definitely not one of the reasons I have to want to get to know her. Maybe a good ways down the road, but I simply want to talk or go to a nice restaurant or whatever. My sig pretty much tells how I am feeling right now.

 

[Yeeny]

Well, you have to decide what is more important to you. You could lose your cousin over this, and is that price worth paying? I would talk to your cousin about it, and see how he feels first... granted, he should be treating her better than that, but you need to make sure you don't burn any bridges you will later regret.

 

[Regine]

You said you're interested in her. But are you sure that she is interested in you?

Otherwise I'm with GirlFriday on this, see what your cousin thinks about it.

 

[Total Refected Power]

Stay away. I had a chance to cheat on a girlfriend with my BEST FRIENDS girlfriend and didn't do it. I was tempted. She really wanted IT. All these years later I am glad I didn't and I have a clear conscience.

Look around, lot of nice girls for you I am sure. Leave her to your cousin.

 

[JPT]

Ops... double post... Sorry

 

[JPT]

Lose a cousin??????????????? Jeeesh! He's family!!!! How can you lose family? I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to him, but I don't think you loose a cousin over some date he is not so 'madly in love for'! And you hanging out with her doesn't have to mean dating her. Get to know her better before you decide you are 'interested' or not. If you are (and she is too) then talk to him...

 

[Jumpem]

Thanks for the opinions everyone. I know I should probably stay away, but there is always six or eight of us that hang out every weekend. We're already friends and I know her family a little. I don't want to piss off my cousin so I wouldn't do anything right now. They have been arguing a bit lately when he comes home on the weekends, or we drive up to his school. How to appear not to be waiting for them to split up!? Oh sh*t, this sucks!

 

[Jumpem]

Bump

 

[Croton]

talk to your cuz about this.

 

[Bling Bling]

Keep listening to Metallica.

And treat the girl right. If something should happen, it'll happen. Don't force anything.

 

[Celstar]

I would ask her out to something casual, like a movie. It is a good opportunity for you to get to know her better and for her to know you better. If she agrees to go to a movie with you, and nothing terribly bad happens, ask her out again. Find out how she feels about your cousin, and maybe if the opportunity presents itself, about you.

You will not lose your cousin over this. If your cousin was your best buddy, he'd want you to be happy, and you already admitted that he's not very serious about this girl. If he's a good friend like you say he is, the worst that could happen is that he'll get mad that you betrayed him, but he'll soon see the truth.

 

[Jumpem]

Once again, thanks for the responses. I'll see how it goes when we all get together later in the weekend. It just really gets under my skin to watch her get treated like someone's object or wife when they aren't even really bf/gf. Turns music volume up...

 

[Isla]

Get to know her really well as a friend before you come to any final conclusions.

So often we fall in love with an idealized image.... and have no freeking idea who the real person beneath all that gauzy illusion is. Once the reality of the person hits us, it's like.... what was I thinking??????

If you and this girl are truly compatible and you and your cousin have a strong and healthy relationship, it could work out in the future. I don't think that he somehow owns all rights to her romantic happiness in the future. The key is in establishing a strong foundation of friendship before making any moves. You also should consider talking to your cousin about it. He may not have a problem at all with this if you are up front about it. If you don't talk about it and make a move, you will look more like a weasel than a knight in shining armor. Heck, he may actually be relieved to have someone take her off his hands. You have to communicate clearly if you want to navigate the Scylla and Charibdis.

Good luck to you!

 

[Yeeny]

It just really gets under my skin to watch her get treated like someone's object or wife when they aren't even really bf/gf.

Well, shouldn't that issue be taken up with the girl? You cannot blame your cousin because she allows that kind of behavior from him. I would wonder what issues she has with herself to allow him to treat her that way.

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

Stay away. There will be other girls/women with less complications. If you are in such turmoil about whether or not it's right, then in your heart you already know it's not.

So my opinion is to not even go there - but as people have said before, don't be making decisions based solely on what some faceless person on a BBS says to you.